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2 comments by Garyn Dakari on Jul 17th, 2014

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DAKARI'S ADVENTURES IN SKYRIM

Featuring Jasper Gleamdust and Mr. Philbert Dovahbitts

DAY THREE


First order of business in this new morning, pilfer everything and everything in the Jarl's home. Why? Because sleep is for pansies, and I am a woman of my word. Also, Dovahbit, or as I renamed him, Mr. Philbert Dovahbitts(Rolof for short, because his full name's a mouthful), since he's not just *A* Dovahbit anymore, he is MY Dovabit!


Highlights of our morning.

It was all goin' great, I was bonding with Dovahbitts, we were stealing all kinds of useless junk(Plus some delicious taffy and a gemstone!), but then somebody spotted me. Bloody guards... thankfully the Stormcloaks like me though, so he said I could just pay him 25 credits and go about my business. Seemed polite enough, so I did just that.

Of course, the moment he turned his back I went ahead and pick-pocketed him and took that money back. Wow, I never realized I could pickpocket. Eager to test my newfound abilities, I turned my kleptomania on the next person I saw, the maid.


She wasn't kidding.

Unfortunately, this maid is very observant, and the next thing I know, I'm- 


Busted.

-standing in a jail cell with a naked dead guy. Ew. I can either sleep through my sentence, or try and break out. Ha. And the game said I had a choice. Naturally, being the resourceful gal that I am, I'm hiding a lockpick on my person, and I open the conveniently located grate on the floor, and drop into the sewers. Now it's just a simply matter of sneaking out, not being seen, and-


SHROOMS

THEY HAVE SHROOMS IN THE SEWERS, OH MIGHTY BEARD OF TALOS I NEEDED THIS. I eat one, store the rest for later, and bam, next thing I know I'm back on the streets of Whiterun. Shrooms work in glorious ways. Of course, I'm practically naked on the streets, and this just won't do, so I swing back to the prison to recover my stuff.


10/10, Guards of the Year

With a quick stop by the Jarl's home, of course. Back down in the prison, the guards don't seem to be bothered by my presence, nor my empty cell. Or maybe they're just too distracted by the cuteness of Dovahbitts.


I know I am.

I find the room with the evidence chest and all my stuff, stolen and legit, but they're under lock and guard. The locks, not a problem, I nicked some more lockpicks on my way here, but the guard behind the desk was a bit of a problem. Initiating Operation: Diversion by Rabbit.


Result: Partial success.

It worked, but not for long enough, he could still see me if I got near those boxes.

Next, I figured I'd wait him out. A guy's gotta go to the bathroom eventually.


We'll see who has more patience, Mr. Guard... I can do this all day.

On second thought, screw this, sitting here's boring. Time to try something I learned at Rolof's house...


Works every time.

Even from afar, Rolof helps me now, in my situation of need! With Guard 1 unable to see, and Guard 2 unwilling to help him, I am free to unlock and take everything from those boxes. Now with my possessions back, I loot his desk, for good measure.


And that's how you break out of prison.

Come along Dovahbitts, time to go outside, and get back to being free elves and bunnies!


FREEDOM! I'M THE KING OF THE-

What's that you found, Dovahbitts? Don't touch it, it's probably-


SHROOMS

SHROOMS AS BIG AS MY FACE. Of course I'm going to eat these!


TO BLAAAAAAAAAZE...

These shrooms are some hot shit, I'm seriously blazin' here! I'll trail blaze while I blaze! I'll blaze like I've never blazed before!


I'll blaze up this tower!


I'll blaze down these stairs!


A spider?


I'LL BLAZE IT TOO


I'M BLAZING SO HARD I SEE SPHERES IN SPACE

After some more traipsing through the tomb, I finally came off my high just in time for a scene of Jasper and the Argonauts.


Those who steal the golden fleece... must die! Wow, that was a reference no one'll get.

Okay, killing more skeletons, rat-dog things, I Indiana Jones'd through an ancient door, I killed the King Argonaut, or whatever he was, I learned some magic thing that I can't use yet, I-


...shrooms?

Yes, shrooms. No, I didn't eat any. Yes, of course I picked them, saving them for later. I actually showed a lot of self-restraint on this Day, considering how many shrooms were in this cave.


So... so many shrooms...

Aw man, I am gonna have such a party someday with all these shrooms I'm collecting.

Wait, what's this? The game's suddenly talking nonsense after I pick up my umpteenth shroom. Carrying too much to walk? 


I may have a problem...

One pound over the limit? Well, okay, no biggie. Obviously I deal with this like any logical person would.


Shroomgasm
I EAT EVERY SHROOM. EVERY. SHROOM.

OMGWTFBBQSHROOMGASMBOOMITLOOKSSOMETHINGLIKETHIS

 

---

What happens next? Does our hero overcome her shroom addiction and kleptomania? Does she return to Mr. Guffin with the McGuffin and save the realm from dragons?

I'unno. I'll have to tell you in the morning. The morning of Miss Gleamdust's fourth day in the madhouse that is Skyrim.

TO BE CONTINUED...


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Post comment Comments  (0 - 10 of 233)
KnightofEquulei
KnightofEquulei Jul 5 2014, 2:46am says:

Just checking up...

+1 vote     reply to comment
rablindaniel
rablindaniel Sep 25 2013, 4:42pm says:

Hi Garyn, thanks for tracking our game Monokrome. Release is still TBD but it's only a couple weeks away.

+1 vote     reply to comment
templarnordbyzantine
templarnordbyzantine Sep 7 2013, 8:37pm says:

TOUCH.......(Extends hand toward profile page) :)
Just out of curiosity, have you seen Jedi Knight re-edited?

+1 vote     reply to comment
Garyn Dakari
Garyn Dakari Nov 1 2013, 6:49pm replied:

*Slaps hands away from Page*

Yep, I saw those a couple years ago. Great stuff, to be sure =)

+2 votes     reply to comment
templarnordbyzantine
templarnordbyzantine Nov 7 2013, 6:39pm replied:

Indeed!

Kyle:Jaden, you have a right to be angry.You want revenge You deserve it Jaden,

Jaden:Thank you

Rosh:No, jaden wait!

(Assorted punching sounds)

You video just reminded me of that. :)

+1 vote     reply to comment
Nightwingnew52
Nightwingnew52 Jun 25 2013, 4:10pm says:

Remeber me go on news and click the disney one on profile and see comment

+1 vote     reply to comment
SecretApprentice
SecretApprentice Jun 25 2013, 2:26pm says:

Please answer your pms!

+1 vote     reply to comment
SecretApprentice
SecretApprentice Jun 28 2013, 2:28pm replied:

Once again read your pms.

+1 vote     reply to comment
Lucífer
Lucífer Jun 4 2013, 4:48am replied:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-fRuoMIfpw

-1 votes     reply to comment
Garyn Dakari
Garyn Dakari Jun 4 2013, 7:14pm replied:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49cRG0qR46U

-1 votes     reply to comment
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