Dakari's Adventures in Skyrim - Day Three blog - Garyn Dakari

First order of business in this new morning, pilfer everything and everything in the Jarl's home. Why? Because sleep is for pansies, and I am a woman of my word. Also, Dovahbit, or as I renamed him, Mr. Philbert Dovahbitts(Rolof for short, because his full name's a mouthful), since he's not just *A* Dovahbit anymore, he is MY Dovabit!

It was all goin' great, I was bonding with Dovahbitts, we were stealing all kinds of useless junk(Plus some delicious taffy and a gemstone!), but then somebody spotted me. Bloody guards... thankfully the Stormcloaks like me though, so he said I could just pay him 25 credits and go about my business. Seemed polite enough, so I did just that.

Of course, the moment he turned his back I went ahead and pick-pocketed him and took that money back. Wow, I never realized I could pickpocket. Eager to test my newfound abilities, I turned my kleptomania on the next person I saw, the maid.

Unfortunately, this maid is very observant, and the next thing I know, I'm-

-standing in a jail cell with a naked dead guy. Ew. I can either sleep through my sentence, or try and break out. Ha. And the game said I had a choice. Naturally, being the resourceful gal that I am, I'm hiding a lockpick on my person, and I open the conveniently located grate on the floor, and drop into the sewers. Now it's just a simply matter of sneaking out, not being seen, and-

THEY HAVE SHROOMS IN THE SEWERS, OH MIGHTY BEARD OF TALOS I NEEDED THIS. I eat one, store the rest for later, and bam, next thing I know I'm back on the streets of Whiterun. Shrooms work in glorious ways. Of course, I'm practically naked on the streets, and this just won't do, so I swing back to the prison to recover my stuff.

With a quick stop by the Jarl's home, of course. Back down in the prison, the guards don't seem to be bothered by my presence, nor my empty cell. Or maybe they're just too distracted by the cuteness of Dovahbitts.

I find the room with the evidence chest and all my stuff, stolen and legit, but they're under lock and guard. The locks, not a problem, I nicked some more lockpicks on my way here, but the guard behind the desk was a bit of a problem. Initiating Operation: Diversion by Rabbit.

It worked, but not for long enough, he could still see me if I got near those boxes.

Next, I figured I'd wait him out. A guy's gotta go to the bathroom eventually.

On second thought, screw this, sitting here's boring. Time to try something I learned at Rolof's house...

Even from afar, Rolof helps me now, in my situation of need! With Guard 1 unable to see, and Guard 2 unwilling to help him, I am free to unlock and take everything from those boxes. Now with my possessions back, I loot his desk, for good measure.

Come along Dovahbitts, time to go outside, and get back to being free elves and bunnies!

What's that you found, Dovahbitts? Don't touch it, it's probably-

SHROOMS AS BIG AS MY FACE. Of course I'm going to eat these!

These shrooms are some hot shit, I'm seriously blazin' here! I'll trail blaze while I blaze! I'll blaze like I've never blazed before!

After some more traipsing through the tomb, I finally came off my high just in time for a scene of Jasper and the Argonauts.

Okay, killing more skeletons, rat-dog things, I Indiana Jones'd through an ancient door, I killed the King Argonaut, or whatever he was, I learned some magic thing that I can't use yet, I-

Yes, shrooms. No, I didn't eat any. Yes, of course I picked them, saving them for later. I actually showed a lot of self-restraint on this Day, considering how many shrooms were in this cave.

Aw man, I am gonna have such a party someday with all these shrooms I'm collecting.

Wait, what's this? The game's suddenly talking nonsense after I pick up my umpteenth shroom. Carrying too much to walk?

One pound over the limit? Well, okay, no biggie. Obviously I deal with this like any logical person would.

OMGWTFBBQSHROOMGASMBOOMITLOOKSSOMETHINGLIKETHIS

What happens next? Does our hero overcome her shroom addiction and kleptomania? Does she return to Mr. Guffin with the McGuffin and save the realm from dragons?

I'unno. I'll have to tell you in the morning. The morning of Miss Gleamdust's fourth day in the madhouse that is Skyrim.

TO BE CONTINUED...