SovietUnion2.0

0 comments by SovietUnion2.0 on Jan 18th, 2013

"One day from the life of Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov" or "Russians by eyes of our western and overseas friends".
           My name is Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov. I'm russian. I live in the Soviet Union, in Siberia. We have only 2 cities in USSR: Moscow and Siberia. In Moscow you can find Cremlin, Red Square, Mausoleum and KGB HQ. In Siberia you can find huts, where common people live (bears live in huts too), and GULAGS, where prisoners serve their sentence.
        I was born in the family of Red Army trooper. By the way, the whole population of the Soviet Motherland serve in Red Army. Even bears serve in Red Army. Those who do not serve in Red Army, serve in KGB. I, my mother, my father, my little sister, my grandmother, my grandfather serve in Red Army. One of my bears serve in Red Army, another one serve in KGB. I'm in Red Army since I was 2 years old.
       We are unpretentious in clothers. We all wear valenki (shoes), ushanki (headwear) with Red Stars,  shineli (coats). We don't have summer in USSR, thus we wear these clothes the whole year. The weather in USSR is rather warm: - 80 degrees below zero. In order to warm ourselves we all have mini nuclear reactors in each house. But sometimes weather is too hot: - 20 degrees below zero. These days were switch our reactors off.
       We don't eat in USSR. We only drink and have snacks. We drink only vodka, that's why we have a big vodka conduit (instead of water conduit) which supply the whole population of the Soviet Union with vodka. Newborn don't even suck mothers' tits. They drink a glass of cold vodka instead. Our parents always stimulate us with vodka when we bring good marks. We also drink vodka to relieve fatigue and to recuperate.
       One of the most significant features of USSR is queue. The longest queues consist of volunteers, who want to serve in Red Army and KGB.
       We get our education in Red Army. We study History of the Communist Party, life of bears and nuclear physics. We also take part in party meetings, every day we have to make reports (about agriculture, Soviet Army, current intentions of imperialists and about bears). We also write essays. I wrote 3: "For Lenin I'm ready to die", "If I had two lives, I'd give one for Lenin and one for Stalin", "If Party require, I will give my last valenki without regret". 
     We are strong society! We are all equal. That's why we call each other only as "Comrades". For example I call my mother "Comrade Ivanova", while she calls me "Comrade Ivanov".
       Each citizen has his own nominal AK-47. Well AKM and AK-74 were already produced long ago, but nobody cares, we are still using AK-47 and only 47th.
       One more significant feature of the USSR - Soviet sport. But as I said, everybody serves in Red Army and KGB, that's why among sportsmen you can find almost only bears.
        Living in USSR is very interesting. Everyday begins with serving in Red Army (10 hours), then we work in fields (10 hours), after this we can have a rest (4 hours). We don't sleep. We prefer to spend this time drinking vodka and playing domino.            
Sorry guys, I got to go. I have to feed my bear, wash my ushanka and drink some vodka...
Author: Moddb.com