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Remove the Arms: Actual butchering of the carcass is now ready to begin. Cut into the armpit straight to the shoulder, and remove the arm bone, the humerus, from the collar bone and shoulder blade. Chop the hand off an inch or so above the wrist. Most of the meat here is between elbow and shoulder, as the muscle groups are larger here and due to the fact that there are two bones in the forearm. Another way of cutting this portion is to cut away the deltoid muscle from the upper arm near the shoulder (but leaving it attached to the trunk) before removing the limb. This decreases the percentage of useable meat on the arm, but allows a larger shoulder strip when excising the shoulder blade. Purely a matter of personal preference. Cut into and break apart the joint of the elbow, and the two halves of each arm are now ready for carving servings from. Human flesh should always be properly cooked before eating.


Halving the Carcass: The main body is now ready to be split. Some like to saw straight through the spine from buttocks to neck. This leaves the muscle fiber encasing the vertebrae on the end of the ribs. The meat here however is tightly wrapped about the bone, and we find it more suitable (if used at all) when boiled for soup. Thus, our preferred method is to completely remove the entire backbone by cutting and then sawing down either side from the tailbone on through.


Quartering the Carcass: The halves may now be taken down, unless your preparation table or butcher block is very short. This is inadequate, and you will have to quarter while hanging, slicing through the side at a point of your choosing between rib cage and pelvis. Now is also the time to begin thinking about how you would like to serve the flesh, as this will determine the style of cuts you are about to make. These will also be greatly affected by the muscular configuration (physical fitness) of your specimen. First, chop the feet off at a point about three inches up from the ankle. The bones are very thick where the leg connects to the foot. You will want to divide the side of meat into two further principal portions: the ribs and shoulder, and the half-pelvis and leg. In between is the "flank" or belly, which may be used for fillets or steaks, if thick enough, or even bacon strips if you wish to cut this thinly. Thin and wide strips of flesh may also be rolled, and cooked to serve as a roast. Trim away along the edge of the ribs, and then decide whether you will cut steaks from the flank into the thighs and rump, and carve accordingly.


Cutting the Top Quarter: Although not actually 25% of the meat you will get, this is designated as one-fourth of the carcass as divided into major portions. You may trim away the neck, or leave it to be connected with the shoulder, or "chuck". The first major step with this mass is to remove the shoulder blade and the collar bone. The best and easiest way we have found is to just cut along the outline of the shoulder blade, removing the meat on top and then dislocating the large bone. To excise the collar bone make an incision along its length and then cut and pry it away. Depending upon the development of the breast, you may decide it qualifies as a "brisket" and remove it before cutting the ribs. In the female the breast is composed largely of glands and fatty tissue, and despite its appetizing appearance is rather inedible. The ribs are the choice cut of the quarter. An perennial favorite for barbecuing, you may divide into sections of several ribs each and cook them as is, divide the strip in half for shorter ribs, or even carve rib steaks if the muscle mass is sufficient.


Cutting the Lower Quarter: This is where most of the meat is, humans being upright animals. The muscle mass is largest in the legs and rump. The bulk is so comparatively large here that you can do just about anything with it. The main pieces are the buttock or rump and the upper leg, the thigh. Our typical division is to cut the leg off at the bottom of the buttock, then chop away the bony mass of the knee, at places two to three inches away in either direction. Before doing this, however, you may want to remove the whole calf muscle from the back of the lower leg, as this is the best cut in its area. The upper leg is now ready for anything, most especially some beautiful, thick round steaks. The rump will have to be carved from the pelvis in a rather triangular piece. The legs attach at the hip at a forward point on the body, so there will be little interference as you carve along the curve of the pelvis. Remaining meat will be on the thighs in front of the pelvis.


And that's basically it. An average freezer provides plenty of storage space, or you may even wish to build a simple old-fashioned smokehouse (just like an outhouse, with a stone firepit instead of a shitter). Offal and other waste trimmings can be disposed of in a number of ways, burial, animal feed, and puree and flush being just a few. Bones will dry and become brittle after being baked an oven, and can be pulverized.


BBQ SAUCE
Ingredients:


  1. 1 8 oz. can tomato sauce
  2. 1 6 oz. can tomato paste
  3. 1 cup black coffee
  4. 3/4 cup beer (Killian's Red preferred)
  5. 3/4 cup fruit juice (citrus: orange/pineapple/mango type)
  6. 2 tblsp. whiskey
  7. 1 tblsp. lemon juice
  8. 1 tblsp. worcestershire sauce
  9. 1 tblsp. vinegar (red wine garlic preferred)
  10. 3 cloves garlic. minced
  11. 3 jalepeno peppers, minced
  12. 1/4 large onion, minced
  13. 1/8 red, 1/8 white preferred)
  14. 2 1/2 tsp. liquid smoke
  15. 2 tblsp. brown sugar
  16. 1 tblsp. molasses
  17. 1 1/2 tblsp. crushed red pepper
  18. 1 cube beef bouillon
  19. 1 1/2 tsp. salt
  20. 1 1/2 tsp ground black pepper
  21. 1 1/2 tsp. paprika
  22. 1 1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper
  23. 3 dashes basil
  24. 3 dashes oregano
  25. 3 dashes savory ashes of one fine thin joint

Serves eight or more
Fin!

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Comments  (0 - 10 of 488)
NuBiTo
NuBiTo

*online 18 minutes ago*. SO YOU DO STILL LURK AROUND HERE EH? AND YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT "THE CRINGE YEARS"

Reply Good karma Bad karma+1 vote
not_real
not_real

HEY MAN

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HyperBorealis
HyperBorealis

Hello, you do not live in Russia, is not it?

Reply Good karma Bad karma+2 votes
ElderPredator
ElderPredator

HAPPY NEW YEAR Mate!!!

Reply Good karma Bad karma+3 votes
feillyne Staff
feillyne

Thanks, faved it on DA.

Reply Good karma+2 votes
feillyne Staff
feillyne

Mentioned Gull before, but he got a new video on WreckroomRecords:
Youtube.com
Pity it's only 4 minutes...

Reply Good karma+2 votes
feillyne Staff
feillyne

Ninjaspy got some funky vibes.

Found them on BlankTV. There's a band called Black Light Burns featured on that channel: Youtube.com maybe you've heard about it? (Dunno if it was already mentioned. :-P)

Reply Good karma+2 votes
[Night_Stalker] Creator
[Night_Stalker]

Yeah, Ninjaspy's Canadian too, they're wonderful! They've got a single out, been out for a while now.

Soundcloud.com

It's on YouTube as well, but SoundCloud has better quality sometimes.

Black Light Burning sounds awesome though, I shall have to listen to their other works in a bit! Thanks c:

Reply Good karma+2 votes
feillyne Staff
feillyne

Have you heard Stone Sour or Head's (from KoЯn) solo songs?
Paralyzed Youtube.com
Chemicals Youtube.com (Love and Death is Head's recent band name)

Hesitate (Stone Sour) Youtube.com (Corey Taylor from Slipknot)

Reply Good karma+2 votes
[Night_Stalker] Creator
[Night_Stalker]

Ou, never heard of these guys before, I like them! Thanks, feillyne!

Reply Good karma+2 votes
feillyne Staff
feillyne

Never heard about Adema either? :-D
Unstable Youtube.com
The Way You Like It Youtube.com
Giving In Youtube.com

old Adema songs were voiced by Mark Chavez, a half-brother of Jonathan Davis lol.

Reply Good karma+2 votes
[Night_Stalker] Creator
[Night_Stalker]

SO. MUCH. MUSIC.

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