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A few writing examples of mine (Forums : Writing & Stories : A few writing examples of mine) Post Reply
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Aug 12 2013, 3:45pm Anchor

Hello everyone. I just wanted to share some of my work with you. Feedback would be appreciated. If you like my stuff and you would like to get in touch with me for projects or possible use of the below, feel free to PM me.
These are just a few random pieces from multiple genres. I apologise for the weird format, but it bugged out slightly when I copied it here.

(Noire style crime story, just a small extract)
There are always two constants to be expected in life.
Bullshit and death. I guess you can call them the backbone of
society. Not exactly the most solid foundation, but it seems to do
the trick. For one thing, they sure as hell make up a good portion of
my job. I like to tell people that I am in the cleaning business.
When I come across a pretty serious mess, It's my job to clean the
filth off the streets. Homicide is my game. High stakes and
high-rollers only, luckily I have more than a few cards up my sleeve
to keep me playing.

(Zombie apocalypse/nuclear apocalypse)
Narrative 1:
No matter the strength of
humanity, how terrifying or great we may think ourselves to be, it is
nature that is truly powerful and it is nature that will bring
humanity down to its knees. There we shall remain, staring up at the
revelation of our destruction, the impending doom descending upon us.
Our faces cold, the blood long since drained away with fear. The end
of an era brings many changes to the balance of life. Humanity may no
longer find itself in control of the world. In some cases, we may no
longer have control over ourselves, we become husks that feed off of
basic instinct and disregard that which society once expected of us.
Was this always destined to be our end? Just like the great
civilization of Rome came to fall, was ours doomed to share its fate?
I know not how many of us are left in this world. When society
collapses and civilization turns to chaos, survival is all that
remains.   

Narrative 2:
In a world overrun by death and
destruction, when the dead rise from the grave, there is only one
solitary act of mercy left to give. And that is the sweet embrace of
death. It may seem final, terrifying even. Yet for most, it is all
they can see to turn to. I am not like that though. I agree with
bestowing mercy upon those who are already dead or about to be, but
don't expect me to stick the barrel in my mouth and pull the trigger.
For as long as I can, I will survive. I have seen monstrous acts and
experienced unbelievable sadness and fear. It hardens you. It makes
you immune to what lies outside your fragile comfort zone. There is
always optimistic talk of a cure, or more realistically, a vaccine
flying around, but I know better than that. If it does come, it will
already be too late. Best kind of cure you can get right now is a
bullet to the brain. But to regress; death isn't the answer. Survival
is. It's all we need. Hell, it's all we have left.

Edited by: PixelatedChaos

Aug 14 2013, 6:20pm Anchor

I'm going to be a tad blunt here, but a writer isn't someone who can come up with an idea and hash out a rough draft or a snippet of text. Instead of showing random chunks, show us that you can flesh it out and create a solid engaging tale out of this.
Also you seem to really love rolling around in metaphor and allegory, mixed with high faluting language that most people never use. I understand what you're going for but it's a dangerous game that can come off as overtly pretentious and clumsy if done wrong.

SinKing
SinKing bumps me thread
Aug 14 2013, 7:15pm Anchor

I have to agree with Yusufrehman, this is pretty pointless. I liked the very first excerpt best, though. If you were to employ yourself in the genre of hard boiled literature that might be interesting. If - and only if - you have a story to tell (check Raymond Chandler or Raymond Carver for inspiration). Writing isn't all about style, it is about structure and empathy. Structure is the hardest part of it. You can tell a complete story without going into content, words, narration. If the idea is beyond words they are only a medium to get it into the reader's head anyway.

I am almost always disappointed with the inability of copywriters to think beyond the mere necessity of dialogue and pun. Good writing can never be about style or wit alone. It's not about finding clever words, it is about believing in them and the true power they wield.

--

User Posted Image

Aug 15 2013, 12:06pm Anchor

Thank you for typing all of that. At least we can tell you're willing to put some effort into it.

I especially liked this:

Quote: There are always two constants to be expected in life.
Bullshit and death.

I wish you hadn't apologized for and doubted the brave choice of words immediately after it. The chapter then goes in circles and doesn't seem to add to the character / story which is a shame.

Anyway since you're not going to any detail like characters, locations, and are only keeping things generic, it's hard to make the reader interested. You are describing the atmosphere but the reader has no fixation points they could anchor themselves to. It's like trying to paint a background to a portrait of something that doesn't exist yet.

I don't find your vocabulary too spectacular even though it's not entirely bad either. You use some worn out metaphors and pair things like "death and destruction" which is quite a cliché but you know what? It doesn't matter that much when writing for video games. This isn't the final form of art. What the writer calls simply "death and destruction" is most likely represented non-verbally inside the game world meaning it will be unique to your game unlike any words you might come up with. When you're writing in-game dialogue or pieces of text however you do need to really polish them.

You might not make it if you were publishing a book but for game writing it's not all that bad. If you have wit for building interesting characters and unforeseen plot twists I'm sure your writing will be a good asset to some game development team.

Edited by: shadowflar3

Aug 15 2013, 12:42pm Anchor

Hey yeah sorry for the random bits and pieces, I just wanted to hash out some stuff here that I had written before in my spare time. Thanks for all the feedback! I will try and update sometime with something a little longer. I really enjoyed reading what you guys had to say. But like you guessed, these were quick little moments of inspiration without much substance or context. I had a bigger idea for all of them. I just like to archive all of these little examples because it is often these little paragraphs and things that can kick off a story for me.

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