|A few writing examples of mine||Locked|
|Aug 12 2013, 3:45pm Anchor|
Hello everyone. I just wanted to share some of my work with you. Feedback would be appreciated. If you like my stuff and you would like to get in touch with me for projects or possible use of the below, feel free to PM me.
(Noire style crime story, just a small extract)
(Zombie apocalypse/nuclear apocalypse)
Edited by: PixelatedChaos
|Aug 14 2013, 6:20pm Anchor|
I'm going to be a tad blunt here, but a writer isn't someone who can come up with an idea and hash out a rough draft or a snippet of text. Instead of showing random chunks, show us that you can flesh it out and create a solid engaging tale out of this.
SinKing bumps me thread
|Aug 14 2013, 7:15pm Anchor|
I have to agree with Yusufrehman, this is pretty pointless. I liked the very first excerpt best, though. If you were to employ yourself in the genre of hard boiled literature that might be interesting. If - and only if - you have a story to tell (check Raymond Chandler or Raymond Carver for inspiration). Writing isn't all about style, it is about structure and empathy. Structure is the hardest part of it. You can tell a complete story without going into content, words, narration. If the idea is beyond words they are only a medium to get it into the reader's head anyway.
I am almost always disappointed with the inability of copywriters to think beyond the mere necessity of dialogue and pun. Good writing can never be about style or wit alone. It's not about finding clever words, it is about believing in them and the true power they wield.
|Aug 15 2013, 12:06pm Anchor|
Thank you for typing all of that. At least we can tell you're willing to put some effort into it.
I especially liked this:
I wish you hadn't apologized for and doubted the brave choice of words immediately after it. The chapter then goes in circles and doesn't seem to add to the character / story which is a shame.
Anyway since you're not going to any detail like characters, locations, and are only keeping things generic, it's hard to make the reader interested. You are describing the atmosphere but the reader has no fixation points they could anchor themselves to. It's like trying to paint a background to a portrait of something that doesn't exist yet.
I don't find your vocabulary too spectacular even though it's not entirely bad either. You use some worn out metaphors and pair things like "death and destruction" which is quite a cliché but you know what? It doesn't matter that much when writing for video games. This isn't the final form of art. What the writer calls simply "death and destruction" is most likely represented non-verbally inside the game world meaning it will be unique to your game unlike any words you might come up with. When you're writing in-game dialogue or pieces of text however you do need to really polish them.
You might not make it if you were publishing a book but for game writing it's not all that bad. If you have wit for building interesting characters and unforeseen plot twists I'm sure your writing will be a good asset to some game development team.
Edited by: shadowflar3
|Aug 15 2013, 12:42pm Anchor|
Hey yeah sorry for the random bits and pieces, I just wanted to hash out some stuff here that I had written before in my spare time. Thanks for all the feedback! I will try and update sometime with something a little longer. I really enjoyed reading what you guys had to say. But like you guessed, these were quick little moments of inspiration without much substance or context. I had a bigger idea for all of them. I just like to archive all of these little examples because it is often these little paragraphs and things that can kick off a story for me.
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