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War is never funny unless its one of these jokes, man is it 50 characters in length now

Posted by KiwiWarrior on Mar 31st, 2010

A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part
of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines,
the captain asked for questions.
Our intrepid solder raised his hand and asked, "If we do happen
to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
"Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air
and scatter oneself over a wide area."

Did you hear about the Polish Navy's tragic accident?
A hundred and thirty-seven sailors drowned trying to push-start
their new submarine.

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans.
The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off.
"The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing.
"The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem.
"A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off.
The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time.
""Ya, that will be done," says the German.
The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off.
Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before.
"The German replies, " ya.
"The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg.
"Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."The German snapped, "No! We think you are trying to escape!."

Things to Remember During a War
1. The only things more accurate than enemy fire is friendly fire.
2. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
3. Teamwork is essential. It gives them more targets to shoot at.
4. No inspection-ready unit ever passed combat.
5. No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection.
6. Remember: your aircraft was made by the lowest bidder.
7. Never draw fire, it will irritate the rest of your formation
8. Never share a cockpit with someone braver than you.
9. You are not Tom Cruise.
10. SAMs and AAA have the right-of-way.
11. If you aren't sure, the SAMs are pointed at you
12. If hit, landing near the people that just shot you down is not a good idea
13. Close only counts in horseshoes, nukes and proximity-fused missiles.
14. Smart bombs have bad days too.
15. The best defense is to stay out of range.
16. If you are short on everything but enemy, you are in combat.

Post comment Comments
Admiral-165 Mar 31 2010 says:

if you google "Major French victories" google will say: "Did you mean: 'Major French defeats?'" :P

+5 votes     reply to comment
KiwiWarrior Author
KiwiWarrior Mar 31 2010 replied:


+1 vote   reply to comment
█Black/Brunez█ Mar 31 2010 replied:

Haha LOL

+1 vote     reply to comment
jjawinte Mar 31 2010 replied:

Whoa, and it does too !

+1 vote     reply to comment
AlCool Apr 1 2010 replied:

but you have to click "I'm feeling lucky"

+1 vote     reply to comment
TheGreatGonzo May 4 2010 says:

the first joke was from black adder LOL

+3 votes     reply to comment
Fahim96 May 16 2011 says:

Some of these quotes are from modern warfare

0 votes     reply to comment
☢SRB-DrunkSoviet☢ Dec 12 2011 says:

"If the enemy is in range then so are you."

+2 votes     reply to comment
asif_ridwan Mar 30 2012 says:

Gee, thats kinda funny

+1 vote     reply to comment
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