Home for all kinds of humor, satires, parodies, sarcasms and more.

War is never funny unless its one of these jokes, man is it 50 characters in length now

Posted by KiwiWarrior on Mar 31st, 2010

A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part 
of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines, 
the captain asked for questions.
Our intrepid solder raised his hand and asked, "If we do happen 
to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
"Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air 
and scatter oneself over a wide area."

Did you hear about the Polish Navy's tragic accident?
A hundred and thirty-seven sailors drowned trying to push-start
their new submarine.

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. 
The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off.
"The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing.
"The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem.
"A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off.
The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time.
""Ya, that will be done," says the German.
The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off.
Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before.
"The German replies, " ya.
"The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg.
"Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."The German snapped, "No! We think you are trying to escape!."

Things to Remember During a War
1. The only things more accurate than enemy fire is friendly fire.
2. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
3. Teamwork is essential. It gives them more targets to shoot at.
4. No inspection-ready unit ever passed combat.
5. No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection.
6. Remember: your aircraft was made by the lowest bidder.
7. Never draw fire, it will irritate the rest of your formation
8. Never share a cockpit with someone braver than you.
9. You are not Tom Cruise.
10. SAMs and AAA have the right-of-way.
11. If you aren't sure, the SAMs are pointed at you
12. If hit, landing near the people that just shot you down is not a good idea
13. Close only counts in horseshoes, nukes and proximity-fused missiles.
14. Smart bombs have bad days too.
15. The best defense is to stay out of range.
16. If you are short on everything but enemy, you are in combat.

Post comment Comments
Admiral-165
Admiral-165 Mar 31 2010, 4:05pm says:

if you google "Major French victories" google will say: "Did you mean: 'Major French defeats?'" :P

+4 votes     reply to comment
KiwiWarrior
KiwiWarrior Mar 31 2010, 6:27pm replied:

lol

+1 vote     reply to comment
█Black/Brunez█
█Black/Brunez█ Mar 31 2010, 6:30pm replied:

Haha LOL

+1 vote     reply to comment
jjawinte
jjawinte Mar 31 2010, 7:29pm replied:

Whoa, and it does too !

+1 vote     reply to comment
AlCool
AlCool Apr 1 2010, 11:33am replied:

but you have to click "I'm feeling lucky"

+1 vote     reply to comment
TheGreatGonzo
TheGreatGonzo May 4 2010, 4:51pm says:

the first joke was from black adder LOL

+3 votes     reply to comment
Fahim96
Fahim96 May 16 2011, 1:28pm says:

Some of these quotes are from modern warfare

0 votes     reply to comment
☢SRB-DrunkSoviet☢
☢SRB-DrunkSoviet☢ Dec 12 2011, 11:24pm says:

"If the enemy is in range then so are you."

+2 votes     reply to comment
asif_ridwan
asif_ridwan Mar 30 2012, 7:58am says:

Gee, thats kinda funny

+1 vote     reply to comment
Post a Comment
click to sign in

You are not logged in, your comment will be anonymous unless you join the community today (totally free - or sign in with your social account on the right) which we encourage all contributors to do.

2000 characters limit; HTML formatting and smileys are not supported - text only

Established
Mar 28, 2010
Privacy
Public
Subscription
Open to all members
Homepage
Moddb.com
Contact
Send Message
Email
Members Only
Membership
Join this group
Group Watch
Track this group
News
Browse
News
Report Abuse
Report article
Related Groups
Humor, satire, parody
Humor, satire, parody Hobbies & Interests group with 1,013 members