Postgrad electronic engineer at ESL, Stellenbosch university | Sci- fi fan with Star Wars and Mass Effect as my fav | Tactical FPS gamer | Dragon enthusiast | Wannabe concept artist | Moddb Star Wars RP history: Retired renowned scarred Jedi-Grand Master Fleet General (Try saying that 5 times fast!), having served in the the Army of Light and Galactic Alliance. Currently on vacation on Tython. Realization: The ideal follower is often the perfect leader. My signature: Rules are for those who can't help being arrogant.
Who still reads these things anyway? But for those that still care and just for myself to kinda reflect, here is a long time coming blog update.
Graduation. I've officially graduated as an electronic engineer on Wednesday. That means, yup you've guessed it, I'm now officially unemployed! I don't feel much different, yet it feels amazing that I graduated with all my close friends.
Because of the work I've done with my final year project and my general performance during my studies, I've been accepted for a scholarship for my master's degree at my university, spanning two years. I'll be working with world acclaimed professors in their field, working in cutting edge projects for companies such as Airbus, that focus on control systems for autonomous vehicles. I'm rather exited for next year.
So I suppose you can say my hard work has payed off and I'm well on my way. But as with all things in life, it came at a price. The obvious one given away by my lack of blog updates. After a train wreck of a Christmas vacation last year, with me being down for the count and burned out due to stress, I went into this year without much energy. My mental health came into question due to my breakdown. After several appointments, I was given anti-depressants and diagnosed with social anxiety. Not so surprising on the latter really. The anti-depressants is there with the hopes of getting me through my final year of my studies. With my close friends whom I study with carrying me through most of the year, and my medication, I at least coped. The final semester it was all about our final year project. Friends couldn’t help you with that. Luckily I had a great professor to help me and in the end it all worked out.
With my mental condition being diagnosed, I’ve started with phycologist sessions to try and undue the negative mental patterns I’ve cemented in my brain over the years. I think it’s helping. It’s good to have someone else’s perspective that is not part of your echo chamber and family culture.
One apparent thing is just the sacrifice a person must make for higher education. The average person seems to say engineers are these anti-social, arrogant people, or the same of pretty much any highly educated individual. The fact is this is the impression people get because they do not understand the sacrifice these educated individuals had to make to get where they are. Financial, mental and social sacrifices. We can’t explain these sacrifices, because the average person does not have the scope to understand them and thus reverts to calling us entitled and arrogant. So both parties end up sour for one another. We can’t talk about average things with average people, because we never had the time to experience them during studies, and thus our youth. People think we are workaholics, because that’s all we talk about. But people can only make friends with those that share their interests, and for us those are down to people in our field. Also working academically for years on end breeds a certain mental condition. Why are we so systematic, and critical about everything? Why can’t we just enjoy things for what they are? Why aren’t we more impulsive? It’s because these traits just cause trouble in academics and research. If you are busy with academics 80% of your day, you can’t just switch off that mental condition for the other 20% if your day, or the weekend even. This is why you will hear people say to do your post grad studies as soon as you’re done with pregrad. Because if you go work in the field, you lose your critical mindset and transitioning back to it for post grad studies makes it even more difficult. So, in a sense I look forward to regaining a more relaxed mental attitude once I go work in the field, but until then, I’ve accepted my fate. Don’t get me wrong though, working at the edge of human technology during post grad has its own rewards.
I can’t have a life update without talking about gaming. So the first half of this year was pretty dry, with my friends and I doing the Dota 2 thing. It wasn’t as great as we hoped, and with the Reborn update it all went to hell. With constant updates and a toxic community, we just left that game for good. I also had my run with Eve online, made quite a bit and rather quickly for a new player, but with studies it could not go much further.
The second half of this year, I got Killing Floor 2. I’m glad I did because it turned out to be perfect for keeping me going and scratching my trigger finger. At the moment it is still my go to game, with Ark survival evolved with my one friend supplementing it. The FPS scene for PC is still very much in crisis mode. With Battlefront not having dedicated servers being a huge issue and Rainbow six Siege not being all that much.
In other news, South Africa is kinda dissolving into chaos around me, a slippery slope of corruption and protests. Riots at university, the natives being restless. The economy is at the brink of collapse due to the people in government being apes. I couldn’t have gotten my degree any sooner. And hopefully after my masters I can get a job overseas, although that plan does look promising hearing of the connections we have from this faculty.
This blog doesn’t do the intensity of my year much justice but there it is. I’m still in a relationship and going strong, which naturally helps. But it is a long distance relationship and that does have an emotional toll on me. But it will be worth it I know it. The internet is a weird thing and is changing how our generation interacts. For better or worse, only us lot be able to say one day. The wheel of life weaves forward.
Sab3rr out! o7
So a Christmas holiday and the longest quarter in my life just zipped by looking at when last I updated this piece of the internet. Still, it feels that time is speeding up. Not sure if it's because of age, or just the pace of life. Anyway, things are definitely not same old same old, far from it. Things are changing quite fast in my life, hopefully for the better, but it has taken its toll. Depression, emotional confusion, more studies and... love. Let the wheel turn.
I was hoping after a brutal 3rd year at university a long Christmas holiday would help me recover. Things turned out much worse in the end. Starting the vacation exhausted was actually the better part of the holiday. Instead of recuperating, my mental and physical state deteriorated even more. I've never had to deal with subconscious built up stress, and in this case, it took me completely by surprise. My body just said, enough was enough and it took my mind with it. I fell into depression during the holiday, my appetite disappeared and I was sleeping most of the day. Thinking that this was just my normal post year existential crises I thought I'd give it a week or two. Elite Dangerous (see previous blog) was not the answer to lifting my mood, and I think even if I had the perfect game and friends to play with it would not have helped. My mind cracked, a full on mental breakdown due to stress. I started having anxiety issues. This was a first for me and because it of this, it took a month to eliminate a physical condition as a cause for my deterioration. So after a terrible, exhausting and worrying holiday near the end, after self research and seeing the right people, I accepted that my mental health was in trouble. Putting the pieces together it started making sense. My body could not keep the pace, I need more sleep that the average person. A medical condition was found that that causes me to tire out quickly if stressed. My mental health is more susceptible to a stress overload due to genes from my mother's side and a lot of other littler things that made up the cause of my depression that holiday. Pills were prescribed and I had to work hard to bring my appetite back. So with only a week before class was due to start again, I hit the road to recovery. Luckily I recovered enough by the time class started to cope again. But I was not the same after that. I had to take better care of my body and mind to avoid this happening again. Unfortunately after this, I'm kinda more susceptible to anxiety and stress.
I'm ok though, I coped handling the first quarter the same way I did the last brutal year, with close friends and looking after myself more. I'll know now when I'm burned out and what to do about it. I was not the only one affected however, my friends all felt the blow from 3rd year. Starting out the quarter having survived this ordeal, I kept my faith and believed the wheel will turn. That wheel of time that brings to those what they deserve. I was holding onto that wheel. I was still struggling to find a video game that brought me the fix I got from my Battlefield career. I've accepted that the gaming itch is part of me and I won't be able to get rid of it anytime soon.
So with the FPS gaming scene in crisis mode, I got into Eve online. Never thought I'd be that type of person. But friends have gotten me into a lot of things. Spent about a month playing reading simulator 2015 and another getting to grips with the game's scope and depth. I could see there was potential. But my busy schedule studying put brakes on this effort and I was finding it hard to get my fix. I've also been playing more and more Dota 2 due to my close friend being a veteran and playing it together was the closest I got to playing games the way I used to, with teamwork and on coms having fun together, even though I sucked at the game. If you do it with a friend virtually next to you, it's always fun. I then bough Homeworld remastered, never having played the originals. And wow... was I surprised. It is glorious, proving to me once again it's not me, but that modern games just do suck and old games stay good. No carrot on a stick unlocks and holding hands. If Star Wars Empire at War had a predecessor, this was it. With my faith in my gaming tastes renewed the quarter at university grinded on.
Then something unexpected happened. I was wrestling with strange unknown feelings ever since last year. Having worse things to deal with, I kinda put it to the back of my head. It kept bugging me. I thought it was due to my gaming itch bothering me but turns out it was not that. Turns out I was falling in love. I'd gotten close to a friend online that helped me cope through this tough time. A person that allowed me to open up and vent. Knowing them online and myself not really believing in long distance relationships, I left it at that, being good friends, the confused feeling still tugging at me. I could not stop thinking about them. Events transpired and we ended up confessing our feelings and decided to give a relationship a shot. The feeling of immense relief, knowing someone reflects your love towards them back is indescribable. My dad always told me love just hits you and you can't do much about it, turns out he was right. I finally felt at that stage that the wheel has indeed turned and I was so thankful.
After this I was invited to a prize giving event at our engineering faculty for us EnE students. Turns out I'm in the top ten (there about, 7thish, my two friends being #1 and #2) of the whole EnE class for 3rd year (90ish strong), my hard work commended with a piece of paper (and a cash payout tba).
Picture album of the event:
As for studies in general, things aren't getting easier, but things are coming together. You don't notice it consciously, but subconsciously the course has changed my thought process to that of a technical problem solver. We've learned almost enough theory to say we've covered the basics. We're getting the big picture, which is a good feeling. Next is our final year project to see if we got the stuff for real and then we're looking at master's degree. The opportunities seems to be there with our department having good ties with EU universities. The country's situation over here is only looking worse by the week so the sooner I can get an opportunity internationally, the better.
So that's that. Things are looking up, I've got some experiences waiting for me to catch up on to say the least. Let the wheel turn...
Sab3rr out o7
I'm still alive, barely.
This year flew by in the blink of an eye looking at when I last updated this little piece of internet. It has been a hectic year and toughest year at uni yet. I'm successfully carrying on to 4th year engineering studies, but the year has severely drained me physically and emotionally and I have allot of catching up to do with the rest of life.
Devoting all my attention to studies just to keep my head above water means that my creativity is at an all time low and emotionally I'm left confused and frustrated. I've discovered some depressing personal faults while being severely pressured.
Hopefully the 2 month vacation I have is enough for me to put myself back together, but I've gained allot of new perspectives on life this past year, perspectives that did change my outlook on life itself and where I might fit into it. Suffice to say, I think the cultural environment where I'm in currently at home is not for me and I feel rather dumb for only realizing it now, but I had no other perspectives until now.
I don't know what I'm gonna do about it however and there isn't much I can do at this stage. Things might become more clear after a long rest. I hope.
Some updates in my life include the end of my competitive FPS career. It all just imploded with me being to busy and the rest of the team also being to busy with real life. Plus the fact that BF4 is a piece of shit game and just wastes the competitive player's time with its nonsense. I still love my FPS, and maybe a game worth my time will pop up again. I've been getting into the combat flight sim thing abit more due to War Thunder and I'm quite enjoying it. It just takes time to get into it and getting the proper equipment to enjoy it with.
Without the competitive FPS scene, I've lost allot of focus regarding my free time. Trying to pick up new hobbies while studying is difficult and getting good in them on a standard I'm happy with is nigh impossible.
(Start meaningless ramble) Up until now I've been underestimating video games and what they do for you mentally and socially. I didn't realize how much I relied on them to expand my horizons and befriend new ppl. The problem I sit with socially is that the common man's interest out there is just too far off from my own, so there isn't much out there for me irl socially speaking, especially in the cultural box I'm stuck in here. Realizing that there isn't something socially wrong with me and rather that I'm just in the wrong place culturally was a big eye opener to me and a confidence booster. However it does kinda depress me that I've been suppressed socially so long due to my personality and situation. (/end meaningless ramble)
Here's hoping some new good quality games will bring back some focus into my free time. Looking at the online spaceship games like Elite Dangerous to be the miracle I'm waiting for. Fingers crossed.
Sab3rr out o7
Yeah...just how life hit me in the face start of this year. Lets just say 3rd year Electronic Engineering studies is no cake walk. Working day and night, week after week. Working with the stop students in your class is rewarding, but a living hell none the less.
So my social interactions for this year thus far has boiled down to talking about frequency spectrums, circuit design, math and making fun of the worst lecturer to ever walk this planet. Even when taking a break with buds, that's all we talk about, cause that's all we're doing...
BUT I do enjoy the work. Quite fascinating. Being pushed the the utter limit does put you on the spot...to discover your strength...and weaknesses, and trying to accept them is a battle in its own.
While this has been going on, I'm trying to balance other lives as well. Playing against world champion class teams in the BF4 scene is hard work as well, but oh so rewarding. And these are local teams we are playing against.
Yup... recently I realized that SA has some of the top BF4 players in the world. Our national team stands in the grand finals in the world championship tournament for BF4. And these are the guys we have been competing against for the past year or so.
Finally, in the scraps of free time we have, we've been exploring the world and mechanics of Dungeons and Dragons. The classic RP game that spawned it all, from the very first RPG games to Mass Effect. Quite humbling to play as a gamer.
This all leading up to me being pushed to the limit and inspired to do something else for a change, I have decided to come back to the RP on Moddb, even tho I know it is in utter shambles, but some still remain, eager to flex their RP muscles.
Sab3rr out! o7
I always wanted to live stream. I still wish I could live stream gaming but that is still out of my reach.
What I can stream however it seems, is me derping/doodling around in PHS.
So this means you can watch while I sketch, or just do w/e in PHS, or just plain hang out.
Now if you put 2 and 2 together you might be thinking, but is this ever going to happen? I don't post things regularly. So why would I stream regularly?
Inspiration and motivation are the key words here. I know from experience that watching live streams of ppl doing constructive things sparks inspiration and motivation. It also works the other way around if you do the the live stream yourself.
So I'm hoping that ppl might be interested in me doodling and showing how I doodle/draw in PHS. This might be nice for ppl that are learning themselves so they can see they are not alone in their struggles :P
I hope this might boost my confidence in drawing more regularly if this works at all and maybe boost motivation in others.
So lets derp together!
We finally found a name for our small band of friends here on Moddb! We have Arcones to thank for that. (He really is like the glue of the group :P) We also thank him for coming back to twitter!
I also wish Arcones luck in starting collage! It is indeed a massive step and super exiting. and painnf...I mean full of opportunities! We are here for you bud, for those days when you have no more fucks to give and life starts trampling over you, the Moddb Mobster are always here! ;)
I say this from experience guys...thanks, and GL Arcones, fun times ahead.
You heard what the title said.
Now how am I going to fill 300 chars....I mean when I'm tweeting filling chars doesn't seem to be a problem at all. hmmm. I could ramble on and on about nothing, but this is just supposed to be a place holder.
Can I post this thing yet?
Nnnnnope won't let me...what about now.......
The P word
and the battle we all have with it each day. No I'm not talking about that you sick twat. I'm talking about procrastination. It seems I'm winning this battle...so it's time for another blog update!
Now I already did write a damn blog, but I lost it, God knows how this happened but I blame my keyboard and chrome. So now I'm trying to write it out of memory which is probably going to frustrate me. I unbinded the offending key, raged, downloaded notepad++ and installed a spell checker on it. So yeah, here we go...again.
I can't remember what I wrote in this paragraph so I'll go straight to the frontline report: *Edit I remem abit. I said one motivation to write a new blog was my own blog vid was starting to annoy me. :P
University is going on as usual. Derp'n around. Trying to use every morsel of free time that comes my way. Subjects aren't as intense as last year, but that can change quickly.
Gaming is going on as usual. Doing clan prac every Tuesday and Thursday and derping around in games on weekends. I'm doing a Moddb Battlefield 3 squad up with some guys from Moddb every Saturday afternoon/evening and it turns out to be tons of fun. if you have BF3 I highly recommend you join us!
For the ppl that might want to play other games than FPS's with me, I'm sorry but I simply don't have the time for that, however when I'm on holidays that changes. I try all games then.
Leaderboard of DGL first division. ANGELS in the middle. We should be winning More games. Times have been rough but we getting it together. DEMONS on top which is pretty insane. I have had at least 4 opportunities to join them, but I can't leave my team without a tank driver and engineer squad leader.
The Moddb Star Wars Role Play front has been abandoned for several reasons. That doesn't mean I won't get back to it. I just won't get back to it in it's current state.
Digital art. Well this is a new front. I've always been amazed by it and wanted to have a crack at it. I have a natural 3D brain so I love to get idea's down. The battle is just derp'n about...I mean learning the fundamentals so I can get to the awesome stuff. Practice is the only answer, so hopefully. We'll see the fruits of my labor one day, myself included. Moddb gives me allot of opportunities in this field, so Moddb definitely is still important to what I do.
Photoshop, or Happyland and shunshine (ik I spelled that wrong) as I like to call it is a beast.
I got a Pen tablet (Wacom bamboo Create) and it's really weird getting used to. But saves a bunch of time.
Emails. Yes it is a front. A hell of a one at that, mostly because I bring it on myself. I've subbed to waaaay to many music channels and every weekend it is a battle to get through them lol.
Music might be a reason for my procrastination. It's hard to turn off lol.
I can't stop listenign to Mitis - Life of Sin. I think I'm addicted.
Ps. I hate constantly makign the same typo. Typing 'gn' instead of 'ng'.
Pps. Hashtag of 2013: #IHateTimeZones
This blog might have been more interesting, but blame bad luck idk.
So to keep track of some creative stuff that might come your way,
-PM me on Moddb
-Follow me on twitter. (epic lulz)
-Add me on xfire (more epic lulz)
In the mean time I'll keep derp'n along.
Short Story: 2 Souls
Pt 3: Taken for a ride
"The name's Dennis, new helicopter pilot from team one. Nice to meet you Alex." The person said.
"What did you say? How do you know my name?" I said, my fist rolling into a ball.
"Well everyone working on that power line knows about you Alex. The man who survived certain death. I must say, I feel sorry for taking Allem's place. I hear he was a good pilot. How do you know him?"
"Uhm..." he caught me off guard with that question, "Just thought I pay my respects to a fellow colleague."
"Is that so, hmmm. Well I don't know if you've heard. Team one and two is doing a joint OP in a few days. Gave the idea to our supervisor and he loved it. Take care Alex."
"Wait I..." Abit startled, I couldn't react quick enough to catch up with him as he slipped away, out of sight. "Was that him? Why would he come talk to me?"
I heard that Allem died while instructing a new pilot. No-one knows what happened exactly, but they believe he gave the controls to the new pilot, and he cocked up so bad Allem couldn't recover and crashed. Now no-one with training messes up that bad in my my mind, so I don't know. I'll have to ask Allem himself somehow when I get the chance.
I was back at work the following day, enjoying doing what I do best, trying out all those new cable hanging techniques, Peterson called the team over after the shift.
"Listen. We are doing a OP with team one tomorrow. Instead of us taking turns with our remaining heli, we will all use it in one day. We hope to finally fix this stretch of power line with one last job," Peterson said, and was met with mixed reactions, but we knew we had to get the job done.
It was fascinating seeing so many people work on the same power line. The work went marginally faster even though we only had one helicopter. I enjoyed sharing cable techniques with some of team one's personnel. While working on the last bit of wire, I made eye contact with Dennis, in the helicopter. I was suspicious of him at first, but as the day went on I just settled into my work routine. Now as I looked at him, his face had a ominous look with his pilot helmet on. He gave me a smile, or was it a sneer, I couldn't tell.
"Alex! The supervisor wants to talk to you! Now!" Peterson shouted. As I got down, the wind picked up. The supervisor was in a bucket lift, coordinating the two teams.
"Alex! The miracle man!" he said casually as the bucket lift came down to ground level, "listen, with everything you've been through, you deserve a break."
"Thank you sir, bu-"
"Don't be modest, your one of the most skilled technicians here. Now I heard you like the feeling of flying, so as a just reward I'm going to let you ride shotgun with our new pilot Dennis."
"Oh that's not neces- "
"Oh I insist Alex," he said. I looked at Peterson who was standing next to me. He was scolding, so I could take a hint.
The heli landed next to the bucket lift in the open. I was pushed along by Peterson, "Well go on."
The blades of the heli was kicking up allot of dust as I took my seat next to Dennis in the cockpit. I looked at my feet.
"Up we go," I heard Dennis say, and the chopper sprang into the air, tilting towards the power line. We flew twice as high as the power lines, yet they still stretched into the horizon. Open fields dotted with trees surrounding it. Even though my eyes gleamed at the sight, I was seriously uncomfortable. I looked out the side of the heli and I felt Dennis pull on my arm.
"Watch out, we got a severe cross wind picking up," he said as the chopper jerked. The heli gain altitude and soon we were out of view of the work site.
"Wait why are you flying so high, you..." I looked at Dennis and what I saw scared me.
"Oh Alex, why couldn't you stay dead like Allem," Dennis said with a dastardly smile on his face.
"It is you!, You're my alter ego! What the hell are you doing!?" I shouted, I looked for ways out, but then it hit me, he was planning this all along.
"There is only room for one of our kind here, and you and Allem wasted your time here."
"Well I escaped death and it wasn't my choice. I was imprisoned by you in that dream anyway"
"Oh I imprisoned you there? Is that what Allem told you? Amusing. Tell me...why is Allem's soul powering you?"
"What are you talking about? It just happened, I got pushed out of the dream."
"And you don't think Allem had something to do with that?"
"What does it matter. I'm here for a reason."
"To stop me no doubt. Well tell Allem, he had his chance!" Dennis shouted as the heli nosed forward sharply into a dive. It felt like my eyeballs was punching the back of my head. The the heli levelled out violently and I hit the dash in front of me.
"Oh and I apologize for your friend in advance, but I don't trust Allem. He'll be happy where I send him anyway," Dennis said trough a blur of sounds ringing in my head.
"Peterson?" I mumbled
"He has to go. I need him."
"No, you can't!" I shouted as I lunged at Dennis in his seat. The helicopter jerked and I hit the ceiling of the cockpit. I let out a cry, and felt Dennis kick me in the stomach. I clung to the frame of the door, hanging halfway out the chopper.
Dennis took the heli lower towards the ground.
"Out you go!" Dennis shouted and pushed me out of the helicopter.
"Not again" I thought. I hit the ground and heard the snap of bones, my face buried in the dirt.
I couldn't move because of the pain. The heli landed next to me, blowing dust everywhere, Dennis hopping out.
"What in the name of fuck is going on!" I heard Peterson shout. I saw him out of the corner of my eye running towards me. Dennis approached him from behind.
"Nhhhh, no watch ou-" I tried to warn Peterson. Dennis came up to him and flung his arms over him. Peterson jerked, trying to break free of Dennis's grip. Dennis threw him out of sight. I heard the thump of footsteps, more dull thuds and then a cry.
"Sorry Alex, but I feel so much better now," I heard Dennis., "Go tell Allem I said hi" and he knocked me out. The blackness was back, nothing but a low hum in my head.
"Alex! Concentrate!" I heard Allem's voice. I open my eyes and in front of me I see what looked like Allem in half dragon form hiding behind a rock face. The rock face being torn apart by this huge ox-like beast.
"What the hell is that!?" I shouted while scrambling for cover, a boulder flying past me.
"Our alter ego is changing this world. This must be another soul he trapped here."
"I'm knocked out on Earth. I need to get back!" I shouted at Allem.
"I can't power you with this thing here!"
I looked at the monster snarling at me. I failed it's arm at us through a crag in the rocks, scraping at us. I looked at my arms, I was also half dragon.
"Then let's kill this thing!" I shouted as I pinned a rock at the beast's arm, jamming its arm, "Bite it!"
Allem jumped up on its back tearing at its neck with his teeth. I picked up a sharp rock and lunged at the monster. I stabbed it in the chest. It moaned and jerked its arm free, throwing me back against the rock face and dislodging Allem from its back. The monster charged at me. I threw the rock at its head, hitting it in the eye and rolled out of the way as it hit the rocks behind me.
I saw Allem get up on the rock face. He kicked a boulder down on top of the monsters head, it recoiled and slumped to the ground.
"I guess that's over." I said, but just as I let out a sigh, the ground under me shifted violently. The ox monster exploded into dust and a mist sailed out from its body into the air.
"Quickly Alex, enter your mind, I will help you get back to Earth before this world rearranges itself."
I closed my eyes and a falling sensation over took me. A surge of pain went through my mind. Empty space was all round me, but I felt trapped. "C'mon wake up!" I shouted to myself, but silence was all that greeted me. "C'mon Allem, where are you..."
To be continued...
Short Story: 2 Souls
Pt 2: The Dead Speaks
How did I come across Dennis? Not a very interesting story. I was doing research online on cable hanging techniques some pro’s said increases work flow on the power lines. I came across a blog, written by Dennis explaining communication techniques between the chopper pilot and person working on the lines. He had some art that aspired to me on that blog. So I checked him out further and discovered his art profile. I connected instantly with his art, depicting dragons, eagles flying, even mixed pieces between power line repair and flight. He seemed to love his job for the same reason I did, to feel like you were flying.
We discussed work, his art and so on, but when I asked him where he lives he told me halfway across the world from me. So I scrubbed the thought of meeting him in real life from my thoughts right there, but I always thought about his art when I was on the job.
“Are you kidding me? What has us having the same alter ego have to do with you knowing where I lived and how I felt? How do you even know we have the same alter ego, how can it physically exist? Why can’t we just forget about it and stay here?” I went rambling on until I looked at Dennis, my breath expended.
“There are some coincidences in life that have grave consequences Alex. And we are in the middle of one. We are two souls feeding one alter ego. That is not natural and as a result that alter ego is supernatural in occurrence, ” Dennis said.
"So what does it matter, we are two very happy souls," I replied.
"We won't be for long. As I said before, it wasn't fate's choice that you are here. It wasn't your time to die. He caused your death. This isn't the true after life," Dennis said, shifting.
"How do you know all this?"
"Well I had a little chat with our alter ego a while back, but that's not important, what is though, is what he is planning to do on Earth, and I fear it's not something good. Power corrupts, and he has allot of power with us both standing here, in this prison."
If I was human then I would have folded my arms, but being a dragon in this case a snort had to suffice, "Well...who is he then? My...our alter ego?"
Dennis frowned, "That, is the problem. I don't know. I might have spoken to him, but he wasn't a person then. No idea where he is or what his personality is."
"Well what can we do about him from here? You said it yourself, we are imprisoned here."
"Well I'm lucky to have talked to him and being here also gave me insight, so I kinda understand what the principle is. We each have a soul. But that soul cannot exist on Earth without energy. That energy comes from its other half, its alter ego. A soul linked to yours from the realm beyond. Normally when we die, our soul is released to the next life, giving out alter ego's soul the energy to come to and live on Earth and a new person is born with your alter ego. Your alter ego's soul can hang between worlds for how ever longs it takes for it to be born into our world. Time is perceived differently here. That is the normal case," Dennis explained
"And we are not a normal case I presume?"
"Our alter ego is powered by two souls, giving him unnatural power in our realm."
"How did this come to be?"
"I don't know Alex, but the answer might lie with our alter ego."
I wanted to ask more questions, but I didn't get the chance. The cloud we were standing on disappeared and the entire world we were in started to shift, becoming more dark. The wind picked up considerably. We scrambled through the air for another cloud but they were just normal clouds now.
"What the hell is going on?" I shouted through the gale
"I think he is causing this, we can control this realm as much as he can, but we were stronger being two, so we could make this world what we wanted. Now I'm not so sure."
We flew and what appeared to be the ground swooped up below us. We landed on what looked like a vast expanse of a rocky plain, flat and featureless.
"Do you sense that?" Dennis asked
"Yeah, I feel, an emptiness drawing me somewhere." I replied, but I was dragged within my conciseness at that moment.
"I can sense him on Earth Alex," I heard Dennis's voice, his voice becoming more distant. I was being drawn away from him. The blackness returned.
"Alex! Your soul! It's being drawn back to Earth! I can feel myself...feeding it," Dennis said at the back of my mind. There was a long silence. Then...Nothing.
I was going to miss Peterson. I can't believe I am thinking that. Yeah sure we was a dick now and then, but he kept team two together. I can't kelp think there was a hint of concern in his last words as I fell out of the heli. Maybe he wasn't so ba...
"Alex! You son of a bitch!"
Oh God, never mind. I opened my eyes, a dull light around me.
"You fucking scared me you shit. And you know I don't scare easily. Getting shocked, was one thing, but falling an braking almost every bone in your body is another," I could hear Peterson next to me, The doctors said it's a miracle you came back.
All I could do was let out a moan. And I went under again.
I recovered fast. Or so the doctor told me. Few months passed. But I finally got back out there. I forgot about what happened after I died, thinking it was just a dream. I got back to work, but for some reason I didn't feel down because of Dennis's death. I still felt like he was there with me. I shrugged the feeling off. Work went well, team one got a new heli pilot, so we were back on schedule.
It was funny, the two teams never met each other. But I felt compelled to go to team one's helicopter pilot's funeral. The person being buried 's name was Allem Hendricks. I never met him, but I felt a connection to him. I thought it was the fact that he died on the job, and I almost did as well.
I was the last left at the grave after everyone went home. I felt silly for still standing there, but I couldn't let myself leave. The wind picked up and I heard someone shouting at me.
"Alex!" I heard in the wind. I turned around, nothing. "Alex, open your mind."
I instinctively did so, now hearing the voice, not around me but in my head.
"I was a good looking helicopter pilot," the voice said.
"Dennis? What the hell. How..."
"You thought you dreamt all of that while you were dead? Reality check Alex, that's me lying in that grave."
"Allem? So Dennis it's even your real name?"
"No, you would have made the connection quickly if I used my real name on my artist profile."
"Well I'm alive, why didn't you also come back to life?"
"Every soul needs another to power it, I'm powering you."
"Then who is power our alter ego?"
"That's what worries me, I don't know, but he must have found some way. You have to find him Alex. With you alive again, the realm I'm in is very unstable. It's getting worse here," Allem trailed off.
I couldn't hear him anymore. I got worried. My thoughts going to my alter ego.
"What is going on. How do you even find your alter ego," I thought by myself.
"Or maybe he'll find you," A voice said from behind me.
To be continued...
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