True Words Thread

True Words

Can't Make This Stuff Up

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published
by court reporters who had the torment of biting their lip to stay calm
while these exchanges were taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
_____________________________________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?
______________________________________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_________________________________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he does
know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
______________________________________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________________________________
Q: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition which I
sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
A: Yes.
Q: What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive, practicing law
somewhere.

rofl those are pure gold!

hahahahahaaaa! American law guys are stupid... ahhahahaaaahaa!

...I think someone made that stuff up but I really did hear someone say "when does the 3:00 movie start?" lol I just started laughing and everyone in line was looking at me funny.

Like: "Whats the number for 911?"

I hope the Court Judge won't be that stupid when I am at court tomorrow. God thats pure excellence.

golden

lmfao! ahahahah the last 1 is absolute gold ahahahaha just beatiful

i love when i find stuff like this....

classic

pretty amazing stuff out on the google

the wonderful world of google well keep it comin

Yeah it's awesome and this one is pretty old but still good

edit: omgz I'm one of those 1337 who can make instead of wink smiley !

Edited by (in order): Krycha, Krycha

Well, apparently, there was a bunch of top lawyers and some 5 year olds that took this psychology test. One of the questions was, 'How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?'. All the 5 year olds got it right, only 40% of the lawyers did. The answer was, 'Open the fridge door and put him in'. Then another question, 'How do you put an elephant in a fridge?'. 20% of lawyers got this right. The answer was, 'Open the fridge, take out the giraffe and put the elephant in'.

But it would not fit in a fridge

Chis, that's the point... I think. You made me confused.

Exactly. You can't say you would open the fridge door and put him in, because A) you can't pick up a freaking elephant or giraffe, and B) it wont fit and C) the giraffe wont be used to the cold weather and it will die in the fridge

So what's the point of that test? If the test itself is wrong then the results are wrong too. w00t we are so intelligent!

They never mentioned the size of the giraffe or elephant and never stater if it was an actual animal or toy its a matter of thinking outside that oh so comfy box