Top 50 Chuck Norris Facts & Jokes
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer (LMFAO) (Stop hammer time)
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
The original title for Alien vs Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris
The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time.
He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. (LOL)
Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors. ( XD )
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. =P
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" lol
^^^^^^^^^
[ªAUGdudeº] May 27 2010, 11:01am says:
Chuck Norris destroyed and APACHE by just pointing his finger to it and saying "BANG"
lol i don't know what one is better, i'm not sure what one started that but there are alot like those two xD
ROFL
WTF
OMG
loooool
were u got these loool :P?
very nice
REALLY awesome
the funniest ones around :P
well, i don't remeber which one was right, but i know that chuck norris destroyed and friggin' APACHE (LOL)
I heard the Russian Roulette one as:
Chuck Norris can win Russian Roulette with a semi-auto.
ROFL!
lol happy you people liked it
happy u put it here;)
nice... i've heard of overload, but this one takes the bait of truth...
nice, but the russian roulette and evolution theory are in there twice =P
lol opps
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
It all makes sence now :-)
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
Combine are afraid of the evil, evil Chuck!
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
These jokes made my day!
PS: In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
No comment, he's too awesome!
Nice one!
if chuck norris is late, time better slow the **** down
It is said that talent made Frank Klepacki a awesome video game music maker. It was really Chuck Norris giving the power of epic music to Frank Klepacki.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
also, there a a couple repeats on there ;)
LOL
There are Several repeates
You wrote these sentences twice:
"There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live."
"Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won."
Chuck Norris does not make jokes, because then they actually happen.
You should not make jokes about Chuck Norris because he might not like it, and then would make a joke about you, dying.