August, 1999. You're a fresh college grad passing the time in your parents' rural retreat before the tourist season picks up and your first job as "Junior Researcher" at a nearby wildlife-themed resort begins. Located on the outskirts of the run down backwater town called Redridge, the crickets and your empty beer bottles are your only companions. It's getting late, and you decide to put on a pot of coffee and throw something in the microwave...just then, you hear a pounding at the door. Then...the windows.
Louis' Sausage
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Check the variety. You don't want to eat any of these. They are from the 70's.
Man the chicken in my deepfreeze tasted kind of rubbery after I left it in there for a year too long, can't imagine how bad 20+ years of freezer burn would do to a steak.
If whole muscle was flash-frozen, the temperature remained constant, and it was vacuumed sealed properly - theoretically, it could take many, many years for the quality of the meat to break down. At the time of the events of Redridge, the meat is 29 years old. In the BEST of circumstances and conditions, it might STILL be pretty good. BUT...this is sausage, it wasn't vacuum sealed, and it wasn't flash frozen. Aside from that - the walk-in here was not only old, but it hadn't been working until Louis' spirit came through the breach and the sympathetic anomalies caused his meat plant to be partially operational again. He's a Level 5 manifestation according to the Assembly.
So, in conclusion: That meat is very, very not good.
Best case scenario: All that sausage has been reduced to tasteless, dangerous, desiccated husks surrounded by molded, putrefied dried puddles of partially rendered fat (From decades of summer heat), myoglobin, preservatives, seasoning, water, and God knows what else. AKA: Evil Salami.
Invest in a vacuum sealer and flash freezer.
hmm... call me a fool, but I'm having a plate of this.
Your choices:
Boston Butts
Long-Dogs
Nasty Boys
Polska Kiełbasy
Srpska Kobasica
hmm... they all sound good... might just have to try one of each.
Don't forget the fun weenies, too.
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