This is the Demo of the custom story Alexander's Revelation.I hope you enjoy the demo and leave a feedback from it so I know what do you all think of it.Enjoy!
very cool!sorry it's dead=(
Very nice
Well made and interesting. The memory artifact is a good touch and the story has good pacing.
This review is for the demo, so take the score with a grain of salt. Due to just being a demo, I have decided to instead focus on what I personally expect from the finished version and not rate each part (level design, story etc) individually like I often do.
Positives:
- Level design is above average
- Creativity
- Both ambience and music used, some I very rarely hear being used in other mods even
- Some nice ideas here and there
Negatives:
- Really bad grammar
- Falling down the hole does not kill the player
Level design is above your average mod. You can do lightning pretty well, each room doesn't look empty or bland, you use creative ideas here and there. The atmosphere was pretty good too.
I also liked the way you used ambience and music in the demo. Some of the ambience I heard is rarely used, so that's good to hear.
----- What needs to be fixed -----
Before I get to the biggest flaw, let me get the small things out of the way.
After the place collapses and you hide in the secret chamber with the bookshelf, jumping down the hole after the cutscene did not kill me. Instead, I survived and could walk around down there and look underneath the map itself, because that room had no ceiling since the player is not supposed to be there.
You could also decorate the hallways a little bit more. Each room is well decorated and looks well done to me, but running around empty corridors does get a bit boring in length. Not very important though.
What is important though, is proofreading. This mod is in desperate need of it.
Look, my grammar is not the best either. I make mistakes here and there, but people can still understand me. This mod however, is so poorly written that I could honestly not understand what was written sometimes.
What bothers me to is not just the grammatical mistakes, but the fact that you don't put a space between a finished sentence and the next, don't use a capital letter sometimes in new sentences, and messed up a "[br]".
How to structure a sentence is something you learn in first grade. I mean no disrespect, but a storyline is a very essential part of a mod, and when you mess up basic sentence structure, then you need to work more on your grammar.
I also suggest asking someone for help to proofread before you upload your mod. People are often willing to help.
As a final thing, I would also like to suggest that you make the subtitles for Alexander longer. I often couldn't finish reading what he "said" because the text went away too quickly.
Conclusion:
Grammar fix is a must for this mod along side some minor improvements. If your story is improved though and you continue the way you have otherwise, than the final product may be amazing. You have a lot of potential here. Good luck!
7/10 - Good, worth waiting for the final version.