I like to play Command and Conquer, Starwars, Aircraft-Simulators and basicly anything else Action! My main hobbies are playing C&C3 Tiberium Essence and also I have dedicated my spare time to advirtising and to making maps that are specificaly for TE.

Posted by Smallchange on Apr 5th, 2011

Just some jokes I have got.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Do you know the true reason for all of these blonde jokes?
A. Brunettes and redheads think they look smart making them all up!

Q. How do you keep a blonde at home?
A. Build a circular driveway.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum?

He got stuck in Orbit!

Why don't aliens eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.


What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh


Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".

--------------------------------------------------------------
Redneck Medical Terms

Benign - What you be, after you be eight.
Artery - The study of paintings
Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria
Barium - what doctors do when patients die
Cesarean section - a neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan - searching for kitty
Cauterize - made eye contact with her
Colic - a sheep dog
coma- a punctuation mark
D & C - Where Washington is
Dilate - to live long
Enema - Not a friend
Fester - quicker than someone else
Fibula - a small lie
Genital - a non-Jewish person
GI series - world series of military baseball
Hangnail - what you hang your coat on
Impotent - distinguished, well-known
Labor pain - getting hurt at work
medical staff - a doctor's cane
Morbid - a higher offer
Nitrates - cheaper than day rates
Node - I knew it
Outpatient - a person who has fainted
Pap Smear - A fatherhood test
Pelvis - second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative - a letter carrier
Recovery room - place to do upholstery
Rectum - darn near killed him
Secretion - hiding something
Seizure - a Roman emperor
Tablet - a small table
Terminal Illness - getting sick at the airport
Tumor - one plus one more
Urine - opposite of you're out
Varicose - nearby / close by

--------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN BAD THINGS ABOUT HAVING A SUMMER TIME SHARE WITH DARTH VADER...

10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren't his.
9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it.
8. He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.
7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time ago."
6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine.
5. For once he could use Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.
4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast.
3. You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn't here. He's on the ice planet Hoth."
2. Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.
1. Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.
--------------------------------------------------------------
TOP 10 REASONS WHY SOME MEN FAVOR HANDGUNS OVER WOMEN

10 - YOU CAN TRADE IN AN OLD 44 FOR A NEW 22, NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
9 - YOU CAN KEEP ONE HANDGUN AT HOME, AND HAVE ANOTHER FOR WHEN YOU'RE
ON THE ROAD.
8 - IF YOU ADMIRE A FRIEND'S HANDGUN AND TELL HIM SO, HE WILL PROBABLY LET YOU TRY IT OUT A FEW TIMES.
7 - YOUR PRIMARY HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU KEEP ANOTHER HANDGUN FOR A BACK UP.
6 - YOUR HANDGUN WILL STAY WITH YOU EVEN IF YOU RUN OUT OF AMMO.
5 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T TAKE UP A LOT OF CLOSET SPACE.
4 - HANDGUNS FUNCTION NORMALLY EVERY DAY OF THE MONTH.
3 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T ASK, "DO THESE NEW GRIPS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?"
2 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU GO TO SLEEP AFTER YOU USE IT.
1 - YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news.
Client: Well, give me the bad news first.
Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the
crime scene
Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news?
Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down to 130!
--------------------------------------------------------------
Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down.

Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"

--------------------------------------------------------------
Baskin Robbins

Two robins were lying on their backs, basking in the sun. A
mama cat and her kitten were walking by.

The kitten complained, "Mama, I'm sooo hungry, what can we
eat?"


To which the mama cat, spying the two robins, replied, "How
about some Baskin Robbins?"

--------------------------------------------------------------

So what did you think of them?

Post comment Comments
playmsbk
playmsbk Apr 13 2011, 3:21pm says:

The phone rings in some guy's house, he answers it and it's his doctor.
Doc: Mr Brown, I have some good news and some bad news.
Mr B: Tell me the good news first.
Doc: You will die in 24 hours.
Mr B: And if that is the good news, what is the bad news?!
Doc: I've been trying to call you since yesterday.

---
Doc: I am in the unpleasant position to inform you that you will die in a week, mr Green.
Mr G: Is there any way I can live longer?
Doc: Do you smoke?
Mr G: Yes
Doc: Stop smoking, do you drink?
Mr G: Yes
Doc: Stop drinking, do you have lots of sex?
Mr G: Yes
Doc: Stop having sex, do you perform exreme sports?
Mr G: Yes
Doc: Stop performing extreme sports, do you eat lots of meat and unhealthy food?
Mr G: Yes
Doc: Stop eating junk food.
Mr G: And if I do all these, how much longer will I live?
Doc: You're still going to live for a week, but it'll seem like a century to you.

------
In plane there was Michael Jackson, Bill Gates, an old man and a guy with a sack of potatoes. The plane some time starts falling and the pilot comes out.
Pilot: There are four parachutes in the plane. I am taking one and that leaves you with three parachutes.
The pilot jumps off the plane.
Michael Jackson: Sorry guys, but I am the king of pop music, I can't die and leave the world without my music, so I take one parachute.
Michael Jackson jumps off the plane.
Bill Gates: Sorry guys, but I am the smartest person in the world and I can't leave humankind deprive of my brains, so I take the other parachute.
Bill Gates jumps off the plane.
Old man: My child, take the other parachute, I am old and I'll die some day soon, I don't care if it's now or in a few days.
Man with Sack: No need to worry old man, neither of us will die cause the smartest person in the world accidentaly took my sack with potatoes and jumped off the plane.

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