Ah. The "Profile Bio". Something all of us know how to make, but many would think it obscure. There is no article on wikipedia nor anywhere else that tells you how to make or write one. I shall perform an act of irony, and put the first how-to make a Profile Bio in a Profile Bio. Many are just one-hundred and eighty characters, but Desura has generously provideed us with one-thousand. If Desura had only provided us with one-hundred and eighty characters, I would not have the space to tell you all of this. As a matter of fact we have four-hundred and eleven characters at this period. There are three main types of Profile Bios. The first is the classic "Long Winded Nothing", like this one. The second tells you everything, and I mean everything, about the person writing the bio. The third is all lies. There is a fourth, but it doesn't count for much at all. The fourth kind of person doesn't write anything at all. You have no life, you read a 1k letter essay. I don't friend losers like you

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3 comments by oldtopman on Aug 7th, 2011

Drat and blast. There is no character limit on Desura, meaning I can't make another large worthless wall of text. I can do that on my twitter account (twitter.com/oldtopman) though.

Today, as my (likely only) blog post, I shall discuss the Desura Terms Of Service (.desura.com/terms-of-use). I will not transcribe it, so you should have it open in another window for reference.

Section 1: You may not play your subscriptions except through the Desura client. That sounds a bit harsh. Actually, this only applies to Subscriptions. You are not prohibited from playing your games through other means.

Section 2: By publishing a game to Desura, you allow us to grant users to play your games. More detail can be found in another document. I don't publish games (yet) so I really can't say much on this.

Section 3: You are not allowed to sue Desura over issues related to mods. This is fantastic for Desura, as it can be illegal(violate the game's TOS) and this gets Desura out of the legal crosshairs when the company that owns the game tries to sue. How so? All Desura is doing is hosting mod files. The users are the ones hacking the game. And with this clause, the users cannot sue Desura.

Section 4: You are not allowed to post fradulent payment information (read: commit fraud) and the ads within Desura are not offers to sell. NO FRAUD. If there is an inaccuracy between an ad and what you paid, the ad is a lie. Just like the cake.

Section 5: You allow Desura to automatically charge your card for Subscriptions. You are not allowed to cause chargebacks. You cannot sue us for charging your card for a subscription. NO FRAUD.

Section 6: No posting copyrighted material, malicious software, pornography, online gambling; No defamation, hacking, false identities, e-mail harvesting.

Section 7: You do not have the right to use Desura. Desura is still trademarked to Desura.

Section 8: If you participate in a contest, you agree to the contests rules.

Section 9A: Desura is provided as is.

Section 9B: You cannot sue Desura.

Section 9C: You cannot sue Desura.

Section 9D: We do not guarantee flawless service (read: You cannot sue Desura.).

Section 10: You allow Desura to collect information on you. More information can be found in this document (desura.com/privacy-policy). getting credit card information is often illegal. With this Section, you allow Desura to have it.

Section 11: We can ban you from Desura at any time, for any reason. You still have to keep Sections 1, 2, 9, 11, 13, and 14. This means that you cannot leave Desura just so you can sue them.

Section 12: Desura is not responsible for the sites that they link to.

Section 13: All problems with this agreement must be handled in the Courts of Victoria, sitting in Melbourne. (What if the court stands?)

Section 14: These terms are binding, legal speak, it applies to all of the people you give the account to, and so on.

Section 15: Here is our information. Basically have a nice day.

Last Updated: November 8, 2010

We should all be thankful to Desura for posting clear and easy to read TOS. There isn't anything in here thats particularly tricky. Nothing in here is out to get you either! \o/

Please correct the following to save your blog:

  • Because you are a new member, you cannot include URLs until you are activly visiting the site and have been registered for 7 days. This measure is in place to prevent spambots you find on other sites like Youtube.

That sucks. Links will have to be added yourself >:D


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