Alexander. A madass butherfucka.
"As royal heir to the throne of The Uhlendorf Bakery, the circumstances would normally infer, that this graceful individual have had an easy life. But looks deceive. Life definitely has not been kind for this dainty fellow. As a very little child, he was sexually molested by a raging sea turtle, causing his rectal canal to permanently close, leaving him to defecate through an ostomy pouch, not to forget his violent uncle, who used him as for scientific experiments regarding entheogens for elderly people. Yet, despite his troubled childhood, he managed to survive until his 24th birthday, where a carrot got stuck in his throat causing fatal asphyxiation. Bless his memory."
- A royal portrait, by Alexander Keybag Muammar @ Felching Times NY.