Funny Movie Quotes, Anyone? Thread

--Team America--
Lisa: "Promise me you will never die."
Gary: "You know I can't promise you that."
Lisa: "If you could promise me that, I would make love to you right now."
{pause}
Gary: "I promise, I will never die."

{in the Team America Hummer}
Joe: "One of the terrorists is trying to tell us something."
{in terrorist Jeep in front of the Hummer} Gary: "It's me! It's me!"
Joe: Looks like he's saying 'Kiss me! Kiss me!'
Chris: "Smart-ass motherfucker!"

{at Team America base}
Spotswood: "Remember. There is no 'I' in Team America."
Chris: "Yes there is."

{at Kim Jong Il's place}
KJ: "The new world is, inebidle."
Lisa: "It's what?"
KJ: "Ine-inebidle."
Lisa: "One more time?"
KJ: "INEBIDLE! Things are inebitelly going to change! Goddammit, open your fucking ears."

{at different points in the movie}
Spotswood: "It will be 9-11 times one hundered."
Gary: "9-11 times a hundred? My God, that's--"
Spotswood: "Yes, 91,100."

Spotswood: "It could be 9-11 times a thousand!"
Lisa/Sarah (can't remember which): "Jesus! You mean--"
Spotswood: "Yes. 911,000."

KJ: "It will be nine-eareven times 2,356."
Joe: "My God! That's...I don't even know what that is!"
KJ (sinister): "Nobody does."

--Shrek 2--
{after drinking some magic potion}
Donkey: "I don't feel any different...do I look different?
Puss in Boots: You still look like an ass to me."

--Risky Business--
Recurring quote: "Sometimes, you just gotta say 'What the fuck?'

Edited by (in order): Sticky, Sticky

Monty Python and The Holy Grail
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English Castle Guard- Ridden? You have coconuts!

King Arthur- What?

English Castle Guard- You've got two coconuts and you're bangin em together! Where did you get those cocnuts?

King Arthur- We found them! Look if we could please speak to your master!

English Castle Guard- Found them? How did you find a subtropical fruit in a temperate climate.

King Arthur- The swallow may fly north for the summer yet these are not strangers to our land

English Castle Guard- Are you suggesting Coconuts migrate?

King Arthur- Not at all! They could be carried!

English Castle Guard- Carried? A Five ounce bird carry a one pound cocnut?

King Arthur- They could grip it by the husk!

English Castle Guard- Its not a matter of where they gripped it, it is just simple weight ratios.

...

I could go on and on I nearly have that movie memorized.

I got one that beats them all. Not a movie, but a radio skit.

"Who's on first?"

I'll be back.

'Oh, if I only had a brain!' <-- Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality

"lih who lih S-HER"

Brian: "Your all different!"

Crowd: "Yes! We're all different!"

Lone Man: "Uh, I'm not."

"did you get the memo about the TPS report cover sheets?"

Life Of Brian

Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I'm not the Messiah, honestly !
Girl: Only the real Messiah denies his divinity!
Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All Right ! I'am the Messiah.
Followers: He is ! He is the Messiah!
Brian: Now, fuck off!
{some silence}
Arthur: Well, how shall we fuck off?

Probably the best part of the whole film

Obsydian wrote:
"Who's on first?"

Your Correct.

Grace - Debbie won the lottery.
Bruce - Oh, yeah? Your kidding.
Grace - But I guess so did 400,000 other people, so she only won, like, $17.

Obsydian wrote: "did you get the memo about the TPS report cover sheets?"

LAUGH MY ASS OFF

best movie ever ...

I cannot believe what a bunch of losers we are. We're looking up 'money laundering' in the dictionary!

We're not going to some white collar resort prison. No, no, no! We're going to Federal POUND ME IN THE ASS prison!

Bob Porter: Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter Gibbons: I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob!

It's not that I'm lazy; it's that I just don't care

Oh man... I'm gonna have to post this one now.

Samir Nagheenanajar - No, not again. I... why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to God, one of these days I just kick this piece of shit out the window!

Heeerrreesss Johnny!

Shinkichi: Massuer, did you see that?
Zatôichi (blind): I don't see much.

HAL-9000: Take a stress pill and sit down calmly.
HAL-9000: My mind is going.

Terminator 3: "She'll be back"

-from monty pythons "And now for something completely different"

man1 : Excuse me, miss?

man2 : who you calling miss?!

man1 : Oh, sorry, I have a cold.

LiMeY wrote:

Obsydian wrote: "did you get the memo about the TPS report cover sheets?"

LAUGH MY ASS OFF

best movie ever ...

I cannot believe what a bunch of losers we are. We're looking up 'money laundering' in the dictionary!

We're not going to some white collar resort prison. No, no, no! We're going to Federal POUND ME IN THE ASS prison!

Bob Porter: Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter Gibbons: I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob!

It's not that I'm lazy; it's that I just don't care

I just did the exact same thing reading those quotes. LMAO.

I have one realy funy one... well I thinnk it is funny anyways.
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(Will Farel in his role as Ron Burgandy in Ancorman)

Go F*** your self san Diago!
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I'm not sure about the spelling (im a horrible speller), but the quote is good!

I'm Ron Burgundy?

Gentlemen. You can't fight in here. This is the War Room!

NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again.

And now for somethng completely different.

Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Know what I mean?

We are no longer the knights who say ni! We are now the knights who say ickyickyickyboomshebangwano.

She's turned me into a newt!

Always look on the bright side of life.

It's funny, isn't it? How your best friend can just blow up like that?

Yes. Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is Roger the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.

Dinsdale, He was a nice boy...... He nailed my head to a coffee table.

-And finally...-

Jesus did. I was hopping along, when suddenly he comes and cures me. One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next moment me livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by your leave. Look. I'm not saying that being a leper was a bowl of cherries. But it was a living. I mean, you try waving muscular suntanned limbs in people's faces demanding compassion. It's a bloody disaster.

Edited by: Karuto