English Is Difficult Thread

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, out imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind!
For example... If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

People, invented English across the ages, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

read half and got way to repetative ... but its tru the english language is so hard to do correctly no idea why its bein adopted so greatly

I remember reading this somewhere. I just don't remember where

It's a great read, though. Shows how difficult the English language truly is. I think we got it easy being born with the language instead of having to learn it as a second language or something.

Did you know the Dutch speak 4 languages and smoke marijuana? How the hell do they do it?

While it is funny, being the english master that I am, I can actually explain as to why most of those are as they are, but, you'd think we'd have cleaned the language up in recent times, considering half of what people speak, at least in America, is not anywhere close to intelligent if they are actual words, it would not take a great adjustment.

Then again, I like my 64,000 words or so, and beyond that the myriad of ways we can use opposites in order to explain singular instances in which everyone will understand and yet no one will have the right idea.

Strangely enough I spent last night trying to explain to a pair of norweigan girls that b*llocks is bad yet the dog's b*llocks is good.

While it is funny, being the english master that I am, I can actually explain as to why most of those are as they are, but, you'd think we'd have cleaned the language up in recent times, considering half of what people speak, at least in America, is not anywhere close to intelligent if they are actual words, it would not take a great adjustment.

Then again, I like my 64,000 words or so, and beyond that the myriad of ways we can use opposites in order to explain singular instances in which everyone will understand and yet no one will have the right idea.

Seeing as this is a topic about english ill come out and say i have absolutly no idea what the hell all that means

Edited by: LiMeY

Record, Cord? Relate, Late? Repulse, Pulse? Research, Search? Retail, Tail? Retreat, Treat? Rewind, Wind?

Except for the last one Jimi, those are all fairly good But, Rewind is not merely in reference to video tapes or the like, it has to deal with wrapping once again the film around the spindles inside, since you rewind after a film has been played, while wind would be say wrapping the film around the spindles the first time, or merely any other time.

Please stop talking like that, it makes this seem like the Matrix, rofl, some one can shoot me now, er maybe will rewind that part....

If you can determine, can you termine?

It's amazing how retarded the english language is

dude... stop messing with my head!!!

I think I'll just rewind and not write rewind and wind and then I'll just wind back here. What is right, is wrong. What is left, is right... hah

the Matrix

You're right, this is the Matrix which is inside the Cube...

Its especially bad in America, where you drive on parkways and park on driveways...

^^
seriously? thats really wacked

*me dies

thanks alot guys im dead now!

You guys and your twisted twists on words.

Watch out! When you look back in, you'll see that we've twisted a very twisted word into some really twisty twists.

dear god.. i think i'll go and die now

Edited by: deathmedic3rd