It's coming in October. It may even be good. In fact, it may just be the best thing ever. But you won't know about it, unless you click here. And even then, we're probably going to be vague, because we hate you.
Posted by JoeX111 on Sep 17th, 2006
ModDB, a website built on ambitions, code, and the desire to game. A website where your dreams can come true, but only with a written out design doc. A website now home to the greatest feature in the history of existence, if you believe the hype.
The ModDB corporate offices, North American branch, sit in an innocuous section of Fresno, California. Many people wonder why Fresno, specifically, is a good place to locate yourself, but think of the possibilities. This big city with a small town attitude is the "Gateway to the Sierra's," a rest stop on the way to gaming meccas such as San Francisco, Los Angeles and the aptly named Los Banos. Here, hidden in the gateway to the world, something is rumbling.
It all began two weeks ago, when ModDB founder Scott 'INtense!' Reismanis was giving a press conference in Surrey, England.
"Dynamic multimedia, it's what gamers want," Reismanis said, "to see, feel, hear and smell new mods. Except, you know, without the feeling and smelling parts. Though maybe we could do that. Mod of the Month 2.0--Now with iSmell output!"
This seeming slip, the mention of a newly remade Mod of the Month feature, sent the community rumbling.
"How the hell should I know what it is?" modder Andrew 'PartyBoy" O Hart said. "You want to quote me about something I haven't tried and haven't heard anything about?"
With questions like these running through the minders of our readers, I took it upon myself to flesh out the rumors and try to separate the fact from the fiction. Disguising myself as a marine attempting to quell the giant lizard uprising, I made my way into the building through the fire exit, where I cornered ModDB art guru Shaun 'Stuffie' Hutchinson on the stairwell.
"I may or may not be working on something slightly top secret possibly involving six-legged feeds on horses that breathe through polyethylene tubes," Hutchinson said, coughing and wheezing through the smoke.
Rendering him unconscious with a blow to the head from my handy truncheon, I proceeded deeper into the building. If you can image George Orwell's 1984 crossed with Mike Judge's film Office Space, you might begin to approximate what this place looked like. Giant, megalithic television screens hurled ads at me, reminding me the importance of work and commitment, while enfeebled desk jockeys clustered around copiers, grumbling about the day to day drudgery of their miserable lives.
"I have a gun," I said with a smile to anyone who gave my military fatigues a backwards glance.
The offices were in disarray, on account of the hulking monster outside and the build up to October, when Mod of the Month 2.0 was scheduled to appear. At this point, I needed a name, a lead, a stoolie to spill the beans on the project. Such a character was found in the form of ModDB lay-about Marc 'MasterChopChop' Nguyen, who I found lounging in the break room with a handful of Snickers.
"It is interesting to see the feature department expanding, especially after so much inactivity," Nguyen said. "They seem to be really hard at work and it is pretty clear that things have been going well. In a sense, it really did fit with my expectations and it's a wonder that we never thought to do this before. By the way, where are my Not-Safe-For-Work pictures of Stuffie?"
Deftly swiping his spare set of keys, I entered the inner sanctum of the office, a steel enclosed panic room that housed the core of ModDB: a self contained black hole, swirling majestically as it rendered matter and base elements apart, fueling the massive grid that is the database. A small computer sat in the corner, the screen blinking sporadically as a cyborg finished the final touches on what would be known as the greatest feature release in the history of mankind.
Suddenly, hands gripped my shoulders, propelling me backwards. I screamed, reaching in vain for the computer monitor, trying desperately to see even the tiniest glimpse of what was to come in a few weeks time.
But it was all for naught.
Soon, I found myself hurled into the street like so much refuse, cold and abandoned in a world of cover-ups and double dealings. Despite the lies, trickery and bodily harm done to others, the viewing public was no closer to discovering the truth than when I began this article. Plus, Stuffie's flying, demonic head appeared nearby, thirsty for blood. Disheartened, I asked a random passerby for one last quote, which might help me close off my article in shame as I ran for the hills.
"The new Mod of the Month is a brilliant concept," modder Aaron 'TKaza' Baker said, upon seeing Stuffie's giant flaming head in the distant sky. "It gives the community a better look at a mod prior to downloading it. Combine that with ModDB's trademark honest and clean reviews and what you get is a lasting impression for the viewer."