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It's coming in October. It may even be good. In fact, it may just be the best thing ever. But you won't know about it, unless you click here. And even then, we're probably going to be vague, because we hate you.

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ModDB, a website built on ambitions, code, and the desire to game. A website where your dreams can come true, but only with a written out design doc. A website now home to the greatest feature in the history of existence, if you believe the hype.

Scott Reismanis, ModDB Front Man, gives a press conference on the importance of paper products during the digital age.
Scott Reismanis, ModDB Front Man, gives a press conference on the importance of paper products during the digital age.


The ModDB corporate offices, North American branch, sit in an innocuous section of Fresno, California. Many people wonder why Fresno, specifically, is a good place to locate yourself, but think of the possibilities. This big city with a small town attitude is the "Gateway to the Sierra's," a rest stop on the way to gaming meccas such as San Francisco, Los Angeles and the aptly named Los Banos. Here, hidden in the gateway to the world, something is rumbling.

It all began two weeks ago, when ModDB founder Scott 'INtense!' Reismanis was giving a press conference in Surrey, England.

"Dynamic multimedia, it's what gamers want," Reismanis said, "to see, feel, hear and smell new mods. Except, you know, without the feeling and smelling parts. Though maybe we could do that. Mod of the Month 2.0--Now with iSmell output!"

This seeming slip, the mention of a newly remade Mod of the Month feature, sent the community rumbling.

"How the hell should I know what it is?" modder Andrew 'PartyBoy" O Hart said. "You want to quote me about something I haven't tried and haven't heard anything about?"

The ModDB Corporate Offices.
The ModDB Corporate Offices.


With questions like these running through the minders of our readers, I took it upon myself to flesh out the rumors and try to separate the fact from the fiction. Disguising myself as a marine attempting to quell the giant lizard uprising, I made my way into the building through the fire exit, where I cornered ModDB art guru Shaun 'Stuffie' Hutchinson on the stairwell.

"I may or may not be working on something slightly top secret possibly involving six-legged feeds on horses that breathe through polyethylene tubes," Hutchinson said, coughing and wheezing through the smoke.

Rendering him unconscious with a blow to the head from my handy truncheon, I proceeded deeper into the building. If you can image George Orwell's 1984 crossed with Mike Judge's film Office Space, you might begin to approximate what this place looked like. Giant, megalithic television screens hurled ads at me, reminding me the importance of work and commitment, while enfeebled desk jockeys clustered around copiers, grumbling about the day to day drudgery of their miserable lives.

"I have a gun," I said with a smile to anyone who gave my military fatigues a backwards glance.

Marc Nguyen takes one for the home team.
Marc Nguyen takes one for the home team.


The offices were in disarray, on account of the hulking monster outside and the build up to October, when Mod of the Month 2.0 was scheduled to appear. At this point, I needed a name, a lead, a stoolie to spill the beans on the project. Such a character was found in the form of ModDB lay-about Marc 'MasterChopChop' Nguyen, who I found lounging in the break room with a handful of Snickers.

"It is interesting to see the feature department expanding, especially after so much inactivity," Nguyen said. "They seem to be really hard at work and it is pretty clear that things have been going well. In a sense, it really did fit with my expectations and it's a wonder that we never thought to do this before. By the way, where are my Not-Safe-For-Work pictures of Stuffie?"

Deftly swiping his spare set of keys, I entered the inner sanctum of the office, a steel enclosed panic room that housed the core of ModDB: a self contained black hole, swirling majestically as it rendered matter and base elements apart, fueling the massive grid that is the database. A small computer sat in the corner, the screen blinking sporadically as a cyborg finished the final touches on what would be known as the greatest feature release in the history of mankind.

Stuffie returns in a terrible parody of a Doom 3 monster.
Stuffie returns in a terrible parody of a Doom 3 monster.


Suddenly, hands gripped my shoulders, propelling me backwards. I screamed, reaching in vain for the computer monitor, trying desperately to see even the tiniest glimpse of what was to come in a few weeks time.

But it was all for naught.

Soon, I found myself hurled into the street like so much refuse, cold and abandoned in a world of cover-ups and double dealings. Despite the lies, trickery and bodily harm done to others, the viewing public was no closer to discovering the truth than when I began this article. Plus, Stuffie's flying, demonic head appeared nearby, thirsty for blood. Disheartened, I asked a random passerby for one last quote, which might help me close off my article in shame as I ran for the hills.

"The new Mod of the Month is a brilliant concept," modder Aaron 'TKaza' Baker said, upon seeing Stuffie's giant flaming head in the distant sky. "It gives the community a better look at a mod prior to downloading it. Combine that with ModDB's trademark honest and clean reviews and what you get is a lasting impression for the viewer."

Comments
JoeX111 Author
JoeX111

But then I wouldn't have been able to pummel Stuffie senseless with a truncheon...

Reply Good karma+1 vote
TKAzA Staff
TKAzA

party boy noes nothingz :D

um spelling correction (your* boat)
and oh lord i was quoted :P .... i was drunk i tell you .. DRUNK!!!

Reply Good karma+2 votes
BarryC
BarryC

Must not be any good mods around, eh? Have to use your own fake mod :P?

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PartyBoy
PartyBoy

I seriously did not know what it is.

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BillyChaka
BillyChaka

Um. Awesome.

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Pxl_Buzzard
Pxl_Buzzard

Also not noted, the Moddb offices are being moved to Raton's basement after the destruction of our old offices. :D

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methy
methy

Foxtrot Juliet Bravo. Spider Joe left every chance to C4-

Gamma ray in action, mental transfer complete. Delete all traces of host process.

Stop.

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hammy-bob
hammy-bob

GO STUFFIE DESTORY!

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Chunky
Chunky

Nice photoshop lol.

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duckedtapedemon
duckedtapedemon

damn i thought sample mod actually won.

i guess its up for mod of the year though.

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RatoN
RatoN

Also not noted, the Moddb offices are being moved to Raton's basement after the destruction of our old offices. Big Grin! :D

Ahahaha, luxurious.

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BigBird
BigBird

Haha nice work Joe, but you know with your 4 dots you could always just approach one of the ModDB-bigwig-loud-mouths :P

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TKAzA Staff
TKAzA

WTF Joe and his blabel-ingz, heheh motm v2 will rock you boat.

Reply Good karma+2 votes
methy
methy

MOD. OF. THE. MONTH!

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Darkcraft
Darkcraft

Hahaha funny!

I like that this site is not going all corperate like all the other sites that become popular :)

<3 moddb.com

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JoeX111 Author
JoeX111

Darkcraft wrote: I like that this site is not going all corperate like all the other sites that become popular


Us? Turn a dime? Are you mad? :p

Reply Good karma+1 vote
myles
myles

modder Aaron 'TKaza' Baker

When do i get my name in a post :(

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PartyBoy
PartyBoy

Me and TKAza are the coolest people here ever since we were in the interview.
Go us.

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TKAzA Staff
TKAzA

its not fake it R3AL

Reply Good karma+2 votes
JoeX111 Author
JoeX111

You get your name in a post when you regularly message the guy writing the article, of course.

....oops.

Reply Good karma+1 vote
PartyBoy
PartyBoy

Damn Joe just revealed the biggest secret :(

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Jambozal
Jambozal

Proof reads: mecha (first paragraph) should be mecca :)

And also.... totally surreal, I love it :O

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rofl106
rofl106

beeeeeeeeeeeeest article ever, love the pictures

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ShortCutMan
ShortCutMan

Little did you know Joe, I was watching you the whole time you entered the offices. I was just awaiting the get-go from the head honcho's as to when the time was right to throw you out into the street. ;)

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Chewbacca
Chewbacca

Hey! Scotty's face was placed over the head of another guy in the first picture.... ow... nevermind

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jacksonj04
jacksonj04

Mod DB's UK HQ are in a hidden place. Points to the first person to find them on Google Earth!

(Hint, you need the latest version and to look in the 3D Warehouse).

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JoeX111 Author
JoeX111

The UK Headquarters of ModDB have never been found, because Stuffie possesses a secret power he learned in the Orient to cloud men's minds, and utilizes it night and day to keep them protected.

So it's a damn good thing no women ever come 'round looking, or the jig is up!

Reply Good karma+1 vote
methy
methy

^^I thought we had contacted Google about listing us?

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Sticky
Sticky

RAAAAAAAH!!

*posts random objects*

Where am I, Joe? :(

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JoeX111 Author
JoeX111

In the article or in life?

At the time of the article, you were currently being detained in the ModDB Underwater Facility, off the coast of Japan. Thus, unavailable for comment.

in life, you are currently debating the chewiness of your after dinner fortune cookie, wondering if you remembered to take the fortune, hopefully a good one, out before consuming it.

Reply Good karma+1 vote
VegasTheWZAd
VegasTheWZAd

And to think, this whole time I though Moddb was based in australia.

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INtense! Staff
INtense!

Looking forward to the next feature guys... its just one more step we are taking to make this site more dynamic and more exciting for our readers :D

Reply Good karma+2 votes
JoeX111 Author
JoeX111

It's a joke, sweetie. Get with the program.

Reply Good karma+1 vote
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