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It's coming in October. It may even be good. In fact, it may just be the best thing ever. But you won't know about it, unless you click here. And even then, we're probably going to be vague, because we hate you.

Posted by JoeX111 on Sep 17th, 2006
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ModDB, a website built on ambitions, code, and the desire to game. A website where your dreams can come true, but only with a written out design doc. A website now home to the greatest feature in the history of existence, if you believe the hype.

Scott Reismanis, ModDB Front Man, gives a press conference on the importance of paper products during the digital age.
Scott Reismanis, ModDB Front Man, gives a press conference on the importance of paper products during the digital age.


The ModDB corporate offices, North American branch, sit in an innocuous section of Fresno, California. Many people wonder why Fresno, specifically, is a good place to locate yourself, but think of the possibilities. This big city with a small town attitude is the "Gateway to the Sierra's," a rest stop on the way to gaming meccas such as San Francisco, Los Angeles and the aptly named Los Banos. Here, hidden in the gateway to the world, something is rumbling.

It all began two weeks ago, when ModDB founder Scott 'INtense!' Reismanis was giving a press conference in Surrey, England.

"Dynamic multimedia, it's what gamers want," Reismanis said, "to see, feel, hear and smell new mods. Except, you know, without the feeling and smelling parts. Though maybe we could do that. Mod of the Month 2.0--Now with iSmell output!"

This seeming slip, the mention of a newly remade Mod of the Month feature, sent the community rumbling.

"How the hell should I know what it is?" modder Andrew 'PartyBoy" O Hart said. "You want to quote me about something I haven't tried and haven't heard anything about?"

The ModDB Corporate Offices.
The ModDB Corporate Offices.


With questions like these running through the minders of our readers, I took it upon myself to flesh out the rumors and try to separate the fact from the fiction. Disguising myself as a marine attempting to quell the giant lizard uprising, I made my way into the building through the fire exit, where I cornered ModDB art guru Shaun 'Stuffie' Hutchinson on the stairwell.

"I may or may not be working on something slightly top secret possibly involving six-legged feeds on horses that breathe through polyethylene tubes," Hutchinson said, coughing and wheezing through the smoke.

Rendering him unconscious with a blow to the head from my handy truncheon, I proceeded deeper into the building. If you can image George Orwell's 1984 crossed with Mike Judge's film Office Space, you might begin to approximate what this place looked like. Giant, megalithic television screens hurled ads at me, reminding me the importance of work and commitment, while enfeebled desk jockeys clustered around copiers, grumbling about the day to day drudgery of their miserable lives.

"I have a gun," I said with a smile to anyone who gave my military fatigues a backwards glance.

Marc Nguyen takes one for the home team.
Marc Nguyen takes one for the home team.


The offices were in disarray, on account of the hulking monster outside and the build up to October, when Mod of the Month 2.0 was scheduled to appear. At this point, I needed a name, a lead, a stoolie to spill the beans on the project. Such a character was found in the form of ModDB lay-about Marc 'MasterChopChop' Nguyen, who I found lounging in the break room with a handful of Snickers.

"It is interesting to see the feature department expanding, especially after so much inactivity," Nguyen said. "They seem to be really hard at work and it is pretty clear that things have been going well. In a sense, it really did fit with my expectations and it's a wonder that we never thought to do this before. By the way, where are my Not-Safe-For-Work pictures of Stuffie?"

Deftly swiping his spare set of keys, I entered the inner sanctum of the office, a steel enclosed panic room that housed the core of ModDB: a self contained black hole, swirling majestically as it rendered matter and base elements apart, fueling the massive grid that is the database. A small computer sat in the corner, the screen blinking sporadically as a cyborg finished the final touches on what would be known as the greatest feature release in the history of mankind.

Stuffie returns in a terrible parody of a Doom 3 monster.
Stuffie returns in a terrible parody of a Doom 3 monster.


Suddenly, hands gripped my shoulders, propelling me backwards. I screamed, reaching in vain for the computer monitor, trying desperately to see even the tiniest glimpse of what was to come in a few weeks time.

But it was all for naught.

Soon, I found myself hurled into the street like so much refuse, cold and abandoned in a world of cover-ups and double dealings. Despite the lies, trickery and bodily harm done to others, the viewing public was no closer to discovering the truth than when I began this article. Plus, Stuffie's flying, demonic head appeared nearby, thirsty for blood. Disheartened, I asked a random passerby for one last quote, which might help me close off my article in shame as I ran for the hills.

"The new Mod of the Month is a brilliant concept," modder Aaron 'TKaza' Baker said, upon seeing Stuffie's giant flaming head in the distant sky. "It gives the community a better look at a mod prior to downloading it. Combine that with ModDB's trademark honest and clean reviews and what you get is a lasting impression for the viewer."

Post comment Comments
JoeX111
JoeX111 Sep 18 2006, 1:55am says:

But then I wouldn't have been able to pummel Stuffie senseless with a truncheon...

+1 vote     reply to comment
TKAzA
TKAzA Sep 18 2006, 5:44am says:

party boy noes nothingz :D

um spelling correction (your* boat)
and oh lord i was quoted :P .... i was drunk i tell you .. DRUNK!!!

+2 votes     reply to comment
BarryC
BarryC Sep 25 2006, 11:39pm says:

Must not be any good mods around, eh? Have to use your own fake mod :P?

+1 vote     reply to comment
PartyBoy
PartyBoy Sep 18 2006, 3:39am says:

I seriously did not know what it is.

+1 vote     reply to comment
BillyChaka
BillyChaka Sep 17 2006, 7:02pm says:

Um. Awesome.

+1 vote     reply to comment
Pxl_Buzzard
Pxl_Buzzard Sep 17 2006, 7:03pm says:

Also not noted, the Moddb offices are being moved to Raton's basement after the destruction of our old offices. :D

+1 vote     reply to comment
methy
methy Sep 17 2006, 8:23pm says:

Foxtrot Juliet Bravo. Spider Joe left every chance to C4-

Gamma ray in action, mental transfer complete. Delete all traces of host process.

Stop.

+1 vote     reply to comment
hammy-bob
hammy-bob Sep 17 2006, 9:06pm says:

GO STUFFIE DESTORY!

+1 vote     reply to comment
Chunky
Chunky Sep 17 2006, 9:34pm says:

Nice photoshop lol.

+1 vote     reply to comment
duckedtapedemon
duckedtapedemon Sep 17 2006, 9:47pm says:

damn i thought sample mod actually won.

i guess its up for mod of the year though.

+1 vote     reply to comment
RatoN
RatoN Sep 17 2006, 11:56pm says:
Quote:Also not noted, the Moddb offices are being moved to Raton's basement after the destruction of our old offices. Big Grin! :D

Ahahaha, luxurious.

+1 vote     reply to comment
BigBird
BigBird Sep 18 2006, 12:09am says:

Haha nice work Joe, but you know with your 4 dots you could always just approach one of the ModDB-bigwig-loud-mouths :P

+1 vote     reply to comment
TKAzA
TKAzA Sep 18 2006, 4:28am says:

WTF Joe and his blabel-ingz, heheh motm v2 will rock you boat.

+2 votes     reply to comment
methy
methy Sep 18 2006, 5:14am says:

MOD. OF. THE. MONTH!

+1 vote     reply to comment
Darkcraft
Darkcraft Sep 18 2006, 6:43am says:

Hahaha funny!

I like that this site is not going all corperate like all the other sites that become popular :)

<3 moddb.com

+1 vote     reply to comment
JoeX111
JoeX111 Sep 18 2006, 10:40am says:
Darkcraft wrote:I like that this site is not going all corperate like all the other sites that become popular

Us? Turn a dime? Are you mad? :p

+1 vote     reply to comment
myles
myles Sep 18 2006, 11:58am says:
Quote:modder Aaron 'TKaza' Baker

When do i get my name in a post :(

+1 vote     reply to comment
PartyBoy
PartyBoy Sep 18 2006, 12:15pm says:

Me and TKAza are the coolest people here ever since we were in the interview.
Go us.

+1 vote     reply to comment
TKAzA
TKAzA Sep 29 2006, 4:01am says:

its not fake it R3AL

+2 votes     reply to comment
JoeX111
JoeX111 Sep 18 2006, 3:34pm says:

You get your name in a post when you regularly message the guy writing the article, of course.

....oops.

+1 vote     reply to comment
PartyBoy
PartyBoy Sep 18 2006, 4:23pm says:

Damn Joe just revealed the biggest secret :(

+1 vote     reply to comment
Jambozal
Jambozal Sep 18 2006, 7:24pm says:

Proof reads: mecha (first paragraph) should be mecca :)

And also.... totally surreal, I love it :O

+1 vote     reply to comment
rofl106
rofl106 Sep 18 2006, 7:39pm says:

beeeeeeeeeeeeest article ever, love the pictures

+1 vote     reply to comment
ShortCutMan
ShortCutMan Sep 18 2006, 8:36pm says:

Little did you know Joe, I was watching you the whole time you entered the offices. I was just awaiting the get-go from the head honcho's as to when the time was right to throw you out into the street. ;)

+1 vote     reply to comment
Chewbacca
Chewbacca Sep 18 2006, 9:44pm says:

Hey! Scotty's face was placed over the head of another guy in the first picture.... ow... nevermind

+1 vote     reply to comment
jacksonj04
jacksonj04 Sep 19 2006, 6:03pm says:

Mod DB's UK HQ are in a hidden place. Points to the first person to find them on Google Earth!

(Hint, you need the latest version and to look in the 3D Warehouse).

+1 vote     reply to comment
JoeX111
JoeX111 Sep 20 2006, 12:54am says:

The UK Headquarters of ModDB have never been found, because Stuffie possesses a secret power he learned in the Orient to cloud men's minds, and utilizes it night and day to keep them protected.

So it's a damn good thing no women ever come 'round looking, or the jig is up!

+1 vote     reply to comment
methy
methy Sep 20 2006, 12:57am says:

^^I thought we had contacted Google about listing us?

+1 vote     reply to comment
Sticky
Sticky Sep 20 2006, 5:54pm says:

RAAAAAAAH!!

*posts random objects*

Where am I, Joe? :(

+1 vote     reply to comment
JoeX111
JoeX111 Sep 20 2006, 6:25pm says:

In the article or in life?

At the time of the article, you were currently being detained in the ModDB Underwater Facility, off the coast of Japan. Thus, unavailable for comment.

in life, you are currently debating the chewiness of your after dinner fortune cookie, wondering if you remembered to take the fortune, hopefully a good one, out before consuming it.

+1 vote     reply to comment
VegasTheWZAd
VegasTheWZAd Sep 20 2006, 9:25pm says:

And to think, this whole time I though Moddb was based in australia.

+1 vote     reply to comment
INtense!
INtense! Sep 21 2006, 9:21am says:

Looking forward to the next feature guys... its just one more step we are taking to make this site more dynamic and more exciting for our readers :D

+2 votes     reply to comment
JoeX111
JoeX111 Sep 26 2006, 10:50pm says:

It's a joke, sweetie. Get with the program.

+1 vote     reply to comment
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