Our market research company has just informed us of a terrible mistake. Due to an error, we were actually provided with the research data for an alpha version of Crysis 3 instead of for Sven Co-op! Our own results showed that ten out of ten focus group members rated Sven Co-op as "the pinnacle of perfection", while nine out of ten described themselves as "moderately likely" to "hunt the developers down" if anything was changed. Due to this mix-up, all plans based on the erroneous research data (including all changes announced on the 1st of April) have been cancelled. We sincerely apologise for any confusion caused.
Unfortunately, all this has meant that the US$14 million in donation money (plus $7.50 of our own personal funds) spent on market research was completely wasted. In an attempt to rebuild some of our capital, we will now start selling in-game hats at real-hat prices. We trust players will appreciate the added realism.