A good shot for the first try. I would say work on the rendering. Add a bit more contrast in there and making the direct angle of the sun from behind the camera might give it some better direct lighting. Depth of Field always looks nice for close up shots and you can always do that in whatever program your making the movie with, instead of adding it to the render. The Skybox that looks like it contains the textures for the stars looks faded, if your rendering this out in 3d first it should be easy to composite in a nice shot of some quality space backgrounds using the alpha layer of the renders. I would definatly hands down say get different music, when I think Halo, this style of music is probably farthest from my mind. Animation is not bad but I would love to see com trails of fighter wings streaking in and out here and there. Also be careful how close you get with the camera you don't want to be able to see the resolution of the textures in the shot, mostly my opinion though. Hope that helps some.
Been watching the mod for a while glad to see things moving along.
Cheers!
Vallen
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