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Pastafarians believe in Heaven, an afterlife which contains beer volcanoes and a stripper factory. Their morals are guided by the eight Condiments, although two were lost and never recovered, which many see as a sign that Flying Spaghetti Monster won't mind if you skim some of the rules. The traditional garb of Pastafarianism isfull pirate regalia, which Pastafarians are required to wear at all times. They observe Ramendan, Pastover, and a vaguely defined holiday named "Holiday". Midgets hold a special position in Pastafarian faith, as the first person created was a "midget", and they carry extra amounts of the original divine spark. Pirates are revered as the ultimate goal of creation which every Pastafarian holds as a shining example. The mere existence of Pirates helps prevent natural disasters and global warming.
The Noodle Dance is a complex religious dance associated with the Holy Noodle Ceremony. Although the dance has evolved since ancient times, it still requires years of study to master. The most moving version ever captured on film was perform by Fred Astair and Ginger Rogers in the 1937 film Shall We Dance. In recent years Michael Flatley (of Riverdance fame) gave up the worship of Celtic pagan gods and converted to the Church of the FSM, and has been performing an interesting live variation on the traditional Noodle Dance.A watered-down version of the noodle dance can be found in the modern-day Ribbon Dance, although its origins are usually mis-attributed to so-called Chinese Ribbon Dancing. These dance moves essentially replace the long flowing noodles with ribbons of silk, which are far less challenging to master into an aesthetically pleasing performance.
There have been many standard prayers chanted for the rejoicing and blessing of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but here we only include those which were passed on to the human population by the prophet Ragu, who claimed to have been touched by His Noodly Appendage. Each of these prayers end in "R'Amen" (pronounced "rah men"), as dictated to us by the Flying Spaghetti Monster himself. Within the Ninjian heretical offshoot sects of Monsterism, the term "Al Dente" (pronounced "al dent eh"), a common term used to describe perfection, is used instead of R'Amen.The Noodles Prayer is the most common prayer, as dictated by the prophet Ragu:Our saucer which art in a colander, draining be Your noodles. Thy noodle come, Thy meatballness be done on earth, as it is meaty in heaven. Give us this day our daily sauce, and forgive us our lack of piracy, as we pirate and smuggle against those who lack piracy with us. And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us from non-red meat sauce. For thine is the colander, the noodle, and the sauce, forever and ever. R'Amen.An alternate prayer, with slightly more Piratical influence:Our Pasta, who "Arghh" in the colander, Swallowed be thy sauce. Thy serving come, Thy strands be wrung, On forks as they are on spoons. Give us this day our garlic bread, And forgive us our starchiness, As we swashbuckle, splice the main-brace and cuss, And lead us not into Kraft parmessan, But deliver us from Chef Boy-Ar-Dee, For thine are Meatballs, and the beer, and the strippers, for ever and ever. R'Amen.The final deformed/columbined reformed/combined version:Our pasta, who art in a colander, draining be your noodles. Thy noodle come, Thy sauce be yum, on top some grated Parmesan. Give us this day our garlic bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trample on our lawns. And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us some pizza, for thine is the meatball, the onion, and the bay leaves, forever and ever. R'Amen.The Hail Meatsauce prayer is usually recited in retribution for consumption of any sauce other then red meat sauce. Some sects (see the Reformed Church of Alfredo ) do not use this prayer, as they claim "Alfredo is the path to enlightenment". This prayer is typically repeated numerous times while running your fingers along a Rotini noodle.Hail meatsauce, full of beef. The Spaghetti Monster is with you. Blessed are you among sauces, and blessed is the spice from your shaker. Heated meatsauce, monster of taste, pray for us non-pirates now and at the hour of our hunger. R'Amen A vegetarian sect of FSMism in India is reportedly using a particular soybean extract in place of meatballs. "Soy Mio - it is still a spicy meatball! Tandori R'Amen!" Glory To The Pasta Glory be to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and to the Midgit, and to the Pirates. As it was in the beginning, is now (With a mountain), and ever shall be(and trees), world without end (and with Pirates). R'Amen.
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