three hells [fantasy] [first chapter's paragraph's draft #1] Thread - Writer's Club

Ok, as you know I've posted the start of my novel in a thread here, but since that particular piece of work is over 4 years old, I've decided to re-write it, and start all over with it, but I need some guidance here, as the start is crucial to any novel.

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Mularac looked over the large window, stabbing his sight in the farness ahead of him. At that time of the day the woods seemed to produce a most pequliar mist that would encircle the city completely, creating ghostly images wherever one would outside the cities' wall. Kraat-Polleys, the ghost town. Mularac laughed in his inside, by all the gods that was truly an absurd idea. The capitol of the one lung dragons, a ghost town. We shacked his head, smiling tenderly.
He walked away from the windown, closing it softly, the autumn's cold was already finding it's way in. when he closed it it was like he had run upon the cold, harsh reality. And that was more than enough to erase the smile from his face. With all that had been going on lately he in truth couldn't afford those moments of leisure, as small as they were. The party was closing in, and with it a day that would be marked in the books of hitory.
Tired, he left himself fall over the bed, who protested loudly at his sturdy frame (google translater there ). A frame (?) not at all despicable for his proud one hundred and fifty years of age. The youngest baal since Kraat himself. But the mere thought of his coronation, over fifty years in the past now, was enough to tear away whatever happiness it was still in him. He shacked the grey memory away, he didn't need distractions right now, not with everything that was going on. Yes, the a cease fire treaty had been signed with the human worlds of the eastern Romba, but that had brought more problems that the ones it had solved. He was already missing them as enemies... well, at least that treaty would be a short one, he told to himself. The actual reason of such a treaty were plain for everyone. Each party was taking this break to find new ways to bend the embedded war to their favor. Two hundred years of war have taught them nothing, and it would never be. But the war on the distant Romba was not the only source of his problems. The human nations of Grain and Trotalmar, their hateful neighbours of the north, were proving once again to be a pain in the ass. two war parties had been spotted mere kilometres away from draconian territory, and their intentions were clear as water.
For the better part of the past week Baal Mularac, the sovereign of the One Lung Dragons, had to oversee the preparatives to meet both the incoming party and the incomings attackers. the last one was proving, in fact, to be the easiest one. Such force was no match for the professional garrison present in the region, that was getting reinforcements from the Royal Auxiliaries corps of Drasentopolis, the joy of the north. He very well knew that the battle was going to be short, even though the grainians outnumbered them two to one, their unprofessional and poorly trained and equiped army was no match to them, but
they were a truly annoyence, that's for sure. With most of his forces in the war raging in Romba, where until not so long ago they were battling the archangels and the humans allied to Trivec, the only forces we could spare to defend their home, the Blazing Wasteland, in the continent of Rumbdnor, where not enough to fuel the war effort needed to either conquer or sack the pitiful human attackers of up north. And there it was also the matter of his allies. Between the demands of Zueña Guinoa to make his dragons ensure the order in the few conquered towns in the frontlines that they have managed in the past century to the million requests of the New Guino emperor regarding the small but fierce draconian fleet. Leading a country in war was no easy task.

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I'll post more when I have it.

corrrection: it shouldn't read "human worlds", but rather "human nations". I don't know why stargate crossed my mind then. odd.

Mularac!
Long time no seen! I have just finished registering at Mod so, first thing first, i came to say hello .
Just now as i entered the forums i saw you had posted some new parts to read, which means that i do not have to wait for "Comunicación" any longer !
So, as they have been locked, i guess ill be writing all on just one post, that i pray does not go too long nor boring for my first one.

The introduction was gripping as it leaves the reader with lots of questions regarding the war , but what makes it really hooking is the talking about the Archangels and the one lung dragons as, in my point of view, the reader will be eager to know how exactly the writer imagines them and how they differ from the every day image we have. The length seemed fine to me and the "ring" was easy to find too .
Though they were three posts, as i read them i could not help but feel that they should have not been separated. Just my point of view but i think that the three of them told from Baal Mularac´s point of view will go really nice. Maybe he walking round Kraat-Polleys under covered, hearing snatches of gossip about the war, people whispering about its starts or even people from the castle announcing his resent decisions and he, remembering how it all started and why he has been forced into his position of risking his own kind to strike Trivec down; or something like that. This way you could describe the town, the dragons and the war all together instead of having to split and summarize them in the introduction. You could even have him enter a temple, and describe his beliefs, which i really liked too. (of course you should leave some mystery for the other chapters =).)
I have to go now, but I kept my promises as you might see, (though i took some time to do so-cough math to blame cough- ) so i hope you keep yours and keep on posting "Three Hells"!
See you tomorrow Mularac!

Lots of Love,

Porcelain Doll

Oh well thanks for passing by. Well.... one thing: the ones you said "new parts" are actually "old parts" the one that says introduction is an old piece of writing, describing how the war started and everything, this one is the big deal (although I am to implement what I wrote there here. And your idea is actually a good one, I'm taking it under some serious consideration, specially the part regarding the religious system, I think I'm gonna make the whole first chapter only from Mularac's point of view and only then change to the other main characters (who will be, again, cut down... too old protagonist will become mere secondary characters.
By the way, i did wrote something in the weekend, but it is in spanish, so I didn't post it here. Gonna do that once the exams are through... and welcome to this comunity see you tomorrow