Home for all kinds of humor, satires, parodies, sarcasms and more.

Post news Report content RSS feed Technical Support

More transcripts of actual calls to tech support by absolute idiots. They don't seem to have a full brain cell between the lot of them.

Posted by on

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A black one...

===============

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my disc out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the release button?

Customer: Yes, sure; the tray comes out but there's nothing in it.

Tech support: Does disc content show up on your screen?

Customer: ...Oh! ...wait a minute..... I hadn't inserted it yet...
it's still on my desk... sorry....

===============

Tech support: Click on the 'My Computer' icon on the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

===============

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...

Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

===============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every
time I try, it says 'Can't find printer.'

I've even lifted the printer over and placed it in front of the
monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it...

============== =

Customer: I have problems printing in red.

Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah.....................thank you.

===============

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the carnival.

===============

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer..

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk to the other side of the room.

Customer: OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there
another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work.

===============

Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple,

a capital letter V as in Victor, and the numbers 7274.

Customer: Is the 7274 in capital letters ?

== =============

Customer: I can't open Yahoo calender.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Yes... five stars.

===============

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Hotmail.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program..

Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.

===============

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on
my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Tech support: ....Who the hell transfered this call to me???

===============

Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get
the circle around it?

===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under Windows?

Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that's a good point.
The guy sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his
printer is working fine."

===============

And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at
the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.
Now hit the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

Comments
CommanderDG
CommanderDG

ERROR 404 - BRAIN NOT FOUND =P.

Reply Good karma Bad karma+13 votes
Flash112
Flash112

I have a classmate like that, calls me on skype every time something happens, though his questions arent THAT dumb, still though, he could of google before annoying me.. xD

Reply Good karma Bad karma+5 votes
CommanderDef Author
CommanderDef

There are many people who rather ask a friend. I can understand if somebody tells me, but searching for solution on forums always ends by asking a friend. Real experience of a friend is often better than trying on your own...

Reply Good karma+2 votes
TrashCan-Man23
TrashCan-Man23

Oh god, brings memories back from this class I took (was part of the Networking degree), forgot the name in particular, but it was to help us out if we were ever to be employed in the tech support department.

Oh god, there was one in particular that baffled me, it went something like this:

Customer calls Tech support, complaining she couldn't see the yellow ink she was printing out on her paper. I forget the whole in between of this true story, but ends up she was trying to print up on yellow paper.

Then there was another one where this guy was trying to print, called tech support about it, etc - ends up he was putting the paper up to the monitor, and thought that would print a copy.

Reply Good karma Bad karma+4 votes
B7Biscuit
B7Biscuit

That is still not enough facepalm.

Reply Good karma Bad karma+1 vote
xonone
xonone

"Wheres the ANY key?" "I cant find my ANY key"

I hear that too much at work...

Reply Good karma Bad karma+3 votes
NerdstormLeo
NerdstormLeo

Tech support people suffer more than 6th grade teachers...

Reply Good karma Bad karma+2 votes
Post a comment
Sign in or join with:

Only registered members can share their thoughts. So come on! Join the community today (totally free - or sign in with your social account on the right) and join in the conversation.

Established
Privacy
Public
Subscription
Open to all members
Contact
Send Message
Homepage
Moddb.com
Membership
Join group
Group watch
Start tracking
News
Browse
News
New
Post news
Share
Related Groups
Humor, satire, parody
Humor, satire, parody Entertainment & Press with 1,109 members