Home for all kinds of humor, satires, parodies, sarcasms and more.

Post news Report content RSS feed Technical Support

More transcripts of actual calls to tech support by absolute idiots. They don't seem to have a full brain cell between the lot of them.

Posted by CommanderDef on Feb 18th, 2012

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A black one...


Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my disc out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the release button?

Customer: Yes, sure; the tray comes out but there's nothing in it.

Tech support: Does disc content show up on your screen?

Customer: ...Oh! ...wait a minute..... I hadn't inserted it yet...
it's still on my desk... sorry....


Tech support: Click on the 'My Computer' icon on the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?


Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...

Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.


Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every
time I try, it says 'Can't find printer.'

I've even lifted the printer over and placed it in front of the
monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it...

============== =

Customer: I have problems printing in red.

Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah.....................thank you.


Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the carnival.


Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer..

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk to the other side of the room.

Customer: OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there
another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work.


Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple,

a capital letter V as in Victor, and the numbers 7274.

Customer: Is the 7274 in capital letters ?

== =============

Customer: I can't open Yahoo calender.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Yes... five stars.


Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Hotmail.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program..

Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.


Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on
my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Tech support: ....Who the hell transfered this call to me???


Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get
the circle around it?


A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under Windows?

Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that's a good point.
The guy sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his
printer is working fine."


And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at
the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.
Now hit the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.


Post comment Comments
Sanguinius Creator
CommanderDG Feb 19 2012 says:


+13 votes     reply to comment
Flash112 Feb 19 2012 says:

I have a classmate like that, calls me on skype every time something happens, though his questions arent THAT dumb, still though, he could of google before annoying me.. xD

+5 votes     reply to comment
CommanderDef Author
CommanderDef Feb 19 2012 replied:

There are many people who rather ask a friend. I can understand if somebody tells me, but searching for solution on forums always ends by asking a friend. Real experience of a friend is often better than trying on your own...

+2 votes   reply to comment
TrashCan-Man23 Feb 19 2012 says:

Oh god, brings memories back from this class I took (was part of the Networking degree), forgot the name in particular, but it was to help us out if we were ever to be employed in the tech support department.

Oh god, there was one in particular that baffled me, it went something like this:

Customer calls Tech support, complaining she couldn't see the yellow ink she was printing out on her paper. I forget the whole in between of this true story, but ends up she was trying to print up on yellow paper.

Then there was another one where this guy was trying to print, called tech support about it, etc - ends up he was putting the paper up to the monitor, and thought that would print a copy.

+4 votes     reply to comment
B7Biscuit Feb 24 2012 replied:

That is still not enough facepalm.

+1 vote     reply to comment
xonone Feb 21 2012 says:

"Wheres the ANY key?" "I cant find my ANY key"

I hear that too much at work...

+3 votes     reply to comment
NerdstormLeo Nov 9 2012 says:

Tech support people suffer more than 6th grade teachers...

+2 votes     reply to comment
Post a comment

You are not logged in, your comment will be anonymous unless you join the community. Or sign in with your social account:

Mar 28, 2010
Open to all members
Send Message
Join this group
Group watch
Start tracking
Post news
Related Groups
Humor, satire, parody
Humor, satire, parody Entertainment & Press with 1,074 members