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More transcripts of actual calls to tech support by absolute idiots. They don't seem to have a full brain cell between the lot of them.
Posted by CommanderDef on Feb 18th, 2012
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A black one...
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my disc out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the release button?
Customer: Yes, sure; the tray comes out but there's nothing in it.
Tech support: Does disc content show up on your screen?
Customer: ...Oh! ...wait a minute..... I hadn't inserted it yet...
it's still on my desk... sorry....
Tech support: Click on the 'My Computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every
time I try, it says 'Can't find printer.'
I've even lifted the printer over and placed it in front of the
monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it...
Customer: I have problems printing in red.
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah.....................thank you.
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the carnival.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer..
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk to the other side of the room.
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work.
Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple,
a capital letter V as in Victor, and the numbers 7274.
Customer: Is the 7274 in capital letters ?
Customer: I can't open Yahoo calender.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Yes... five stars.
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program..
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on
my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Tech support: ....Who the hell transfered this call to me???
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get
the circle around it?
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under Windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that's a good point.
The guy sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his
printer is working fine."
And last but not least...
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at
the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.
Now hit the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!