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Greetings ladies and gentleman! We are all gathered here for this special event, the unveiling of the Coffiner’s inner workings!
Posted by Azules on Dec 8th, 2011
Greetings ladies and gentleman! We are all gathered here for this special event, the unveiling of the Coffiner’s inner workings! Don’t be afraid, approach and gaze at this giant triage system that all of us have passed through! I present to you, the Coffiner!
The Coffiner is a legend around here or more of a Demigod to be precise. He has only one function and he is very good at it: Shooting new people! And I don’t mean killing them, they already should be once they arrive to the Limbo (if they are not, that’s a problem…). The Coffiner takes all the new arrival’s coffins and shoots them to various parts of the Underworld, to put it simply. Yet in other terms, he is really a quest giver, faith decider and pretty much the shepherd of your new life (or death; depends if you are a pessimist or optimist). The coffins arrive via a much complicated system than it looks (I don’t even want to get into explaining that) to the Coffiner. All those coffins are newly dead people and are the Coffiner’s job to sort them out. Once the coffin is loaded, the Coffiner knows exactly where to shoot and does it with great efficiency and pleasure.
It has been said that he once was a great gunslinger, looking for his path towards the tower and the rose, yet upon his death, his quest never stopped. But those are just rumors of the old and the crazy, no need to dwell on it for too long.
Once the coffin is shot, it travels a great many miles before it reaches its destination. And trust me, you don’t want to be awake while it’s in the air, or you will have time to crap yourself twice (sorry for the language) and pass out before dying again as you are approaching the ground at a phenomenal speed, screaming your guts out. Then there is a great “boom, crack!” and pain in your back, legs, hands, and pretty much all over your body as the coffin breaks (or stays intact, depends on how cheap your relatives were). And here you are, in the middle of nowhere, only darkness and desolation surrounds you. You merely have the clothes on your back and a note in your hand: “Find the Ferryman”.