50 Reasons Why Halo Sucks Thread

I so didnt steal this from here

1. The perfect fuel

Ever notice how the Warthog and Scorpion tank never run out of fuel? Don't you think that's rather odd? Apparently, Bungie Studios has discovered the secret to an eternal fuel source and isn't telling us.

2. Support for tyranny

The UNSC Marines are portrayed as "good guys," despite the fact that they work for an organization with origins in today's United Nations, an evil worldwide dominion which interferes with the affairs of peace-loving states such as Iraq and North Korea.

3. Profiling I

Captain Jacob Keyes eventually finds himself entrapped inside a giant Flood "blob." This is an obvious attempt to mock the former weight condition of Subway Diet champion Jared Fogle.

4. Profiling II

The Covenant races are all stereotyped; for example, the Grunts are always short and cowardly, whereas the Hunters are always strong and stupid. Is this the kind of perspective of other races we want or kids to grow up with?

5. Profiling III

UNSC Navy crewmen are all portrayed as "cowardly fools" in an obvious attempt to weaken US Navy morale.

6. You can't hug your children with nuclear arms

A nuclear device is used to destroy Halo and save all life in the galaxy. This runs contrary to the fact that nuclear weapons are evil.

7. False advertising

An advertisement for a colony ship is found on the level "Pillar of Autumn," yet Bungie Studios owns no such colony ship. To me, this smacks of fraud.

8. Phony Physics I

The UNSC Pillar of Autumn is supposed to have a drive system capable of faster-than-light travel. Yet Einsten's theory of relativity proves that matter cannot travel faster than light.

9. Phony Physics II

The Master Chief is somehow able to lift massive objects such as tanks. Apparently, Bungie Studios would have us believe that he is some sort of superhero or cyborg.

10. Phony Physics III

The Master Chief is able to see the outside world through his visor, yet we cannot see his face through his visor. What does he have to hide, and, most importantly, how is this possible?

11. Phony Physics IV

Sir Isaac Newton showed that objects are gravitationally attracted to each other's centers of mass. The center of mass of Halo is in the center of the ring, yet the Master Chief is obviously attracted to the ring's surface when in fact he and the rest of the objects on the ring should float toward its center.

12. Phony Physics V

When the Covenant Plasma Pistol is overcharged, it releases a bolt of plasma which homes in on its target. In fact, real glowing balls of plasma are not attracted to living tissue.

13. Phony Physics VI

Throughout the game, the Master Chief is able to cross "light bridges" to reach his destinations. However, real light does not support matter in this way--the Chief should fall through these "bridges" to his death.

14. Phony Physics VII

Often, weapons, corpses, and vehicles disappear for no reason at all. I guess Bungie Studios thinks it can creat a magical universe where objects vanish into thin air.

15. Irreverence

When his comrades die, the Master Chief never takes time to bury or cremate them, thereby showing disrespect for the dead.

16. Don't touch that window!

Neither the Master Chief nor his allies nor his opponents is ever injured by broken glass despite the fact that glass shards are extremely sharp and dangerous. Apparently Bungie Studios is in league with various Mexican window cartels in their downplay of the dangers of glass.

17. An Easier Way

There are undoubtedly female Marines and Naval crew aboard the Pillar of Autumn. Why doesn't Captain Keyes use their seductive potential to neutralize the Covenant threat à la Erin Brockovich?

18. Homage or Theft? I

The character of Cortana is similar to the AI named Durandal from the Marathon series. Can't Bungie come up with its own ideas instead of stealing those of others?

19. Homage or Theft? II

The Flood is based on the voracious corporate conglomerate AOL Time Warner.

20. Homage or Theft? III

The Elites' plasma sword was stolen from LucasArts' Star Wars Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast.

21. Homage or Theft? IV

The doomed character of Captain Jacob Keyes is based on United States 2000 Presidential nominee Alan Keyes.

22. Homage or Theft? V

The short, scurrying Grunts are based on Utah Jazz point guard John Stockton.

23. Homage or Theft? VI

343 Guilty Spark's betrayal of the Master Chief was stolen from Cortana's betrayal of the Master Chief in Halo 2.

24. Support of Eastern Religions

Ever notice that if the Master Chief dies, he is able to start over in another life? This is an obvious allusion to the Hindu tenet of reincarnation.

25. The Grunts are Hindu too

Sometimes when a Grunt finds he has a plasma grenade attached to his body, he will yell, "Not again!" Are we to believe that he has been killed by a plasma grenade in a previous life?

26. Rock and Roll All Night?

Often, while the Master Chief is battling Covenant and Flood, ambient music will begin to play with no apparent source. I guess Bungie doesn't realize that in real life, music doesn't play out nowhere when dramatic things happen.

27. Leaving the Body

Whenever the Master Chief enters a vehicle, he is suddenly able to see himself from outside his own body, apparently undergoing a near death experience every time he gets behind the wheel.

28. The Cutting Room Floor

This game could have been improved by the inclusion of a Yellow Banshee.

29. Corporate Evil

I have recently discovered that Bungie Studios is in fact a subsidiary of the Microsoft Corporation, also known as the Evil Empire and the Mauler of Fluffy Kittens.

30. It's Magic!

Whenever the Master Chief steps on a clear object with a colored sphere inside of it, he somehow gains abilities such as an overshield and invisibility. Sorry, Bungie, but stepping on geometric shapes does not give you super powers.

31. What's in a Name? I

The Truth and Reconciliation is an obvious racist jibe at "truth and reconciliation" committees formed to heal the scars of Apartheid in South Africa.

32. What's in a Name? II

The Pillar of Autumn is in fact not a pillar at all but a space-faring vessel.

33. What's in a Name? III

Halo is in fact not a halo at all but a giant hula hoop.

34. Shows How Much You Know

They're called aliens, not Covies!

35. Quelle Coincidence

The Grunts speak perfect English, which is highly unlikely considering the fact that they are not English at all.

36. Where Did He Go?

When playing with two Master Chiefs in Co-op Mode, I found that one of them vanished whenever there was a cutscene. I ask you, who is in charge of quality control at Bungie?

37. Not Appropriate for Children

One of the characters in Halo remains unclothed and uncensored throughout the game. Do we really want to expose our kids to nudity at an early age and thus lead them into a life of sexual perversion? Couldn't Bungie have at least put some underwear on 343 Guilty Spark?

38. Funny-looking Beetles, Those...

Seargent Johnson calls the Covenant "bugs," despite the fact that they do not even resemble insects.

39. Selective Stickiness

The plasma grenade sticks easily to a person when it is thrown at him or her, yet it never sticks to the thrower's hand.

40. Shameless Promotion I

Whenever the Chief is holding a gun in a cutscene, it is always the Assault Rifle. Does Bungie have some sort of underhanded contract with manufacturers of heavy firearms?

41. Shameless Promotion II

Captain Keyes is shown smoking a pipe during the level "Pillar of Autumn." Apparently, Bungie Studios would have us believe that smoking a pipe is harmless so that we will fall into the deadly clutches of Big Tobacco and Big Marijuana.

42. Casting I

Why couldn't the Master Chief have been played by N*Sync pop star Justin Timberlake?

43. Casting II

Why couldn't 343 Guilty Spark have been voiced by Gary Coleman?

44. Casting III

Why couldn't the nubile Cortana have been played by former US Attorney General Janet Reno?

45. Casting IV

Why couldn't one of the Marines have been voiced by Brian Morden?

46. The Man with the Morphing Gun

Start a game in Co-op Mode, and have one player watch the other switch weapons. Note that when the Master Chief switches weapons, his first gun simply morphs into another. Also note that real guns don't do this.

47. Out of Character

The Covenant, which are supposed to be a ruthless league of alien races, also use purple vehicles, despite the fact that purple is for girls.

48. Salary Cap

How is the Master Chief meant to be a realistic character? Wouldn't a real cyborg sign on to a professional sports team to earn big bucks?

49. That's Some Gene Therapy

The AI Cortana modeled her physical appearance after that of the woman she was based on. Are we supposed to believe that Dr. Halsey constantly walked around naked, exposing her purple, binary-lined skin to the world?

50. Lack of Merchandising

Where's my Grunt plushie, dagnabbit?

lol, and thats why halo is bad

omg thats so stupid...

and #6 is complete bullshit, the ships engines blow up no nuke fucking idiots!!!!!!!!!

11. Phony Physics IV

Sir Isaac Newton showed that objects are gravitationally attracted to each other's centers of mass. The center of mass of Halo is in the center of the ring, yet the Master Chief is obviously attracted to the ring's surface when in fact he and the rest of the objects on the ring should float toward its center.

centripidal force would hold everything in, take a glass of water and spin it in a circle see what happens the water doesnt go out OMG

20. Homage or Theft? III

The Elites' plasma sword was stolen from LucasArts' Star Wars Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast.

not likely

23. Homage or Theft? VI

343 Guilty Spark's betrayal of the Master Chief was stolen from Cortana's betrayal of the Master Chief in Halo 2.

and how would they know

33. What's in a Name? III

Halo is in fact not a halo at all but a giant hula hoop.

idiot

42. Casting I

Why couldn't the Master Chief have been played by N*Sync pop star Justin Timberlake?

i hope you die...

43. Casting II

Why couldn't 343 Guilty Spark have been voiced by Gary Coleman?

now that would be a good idea

46. The Man with the Morphing Gun

Start a game in Co-op Mode, and have one player watch the other switch weapons. Note that when the Master Chief switches weapons, his first gun simply morphs into another. Also note that real guns don't do this.

idiot...

50. Lack of Merchandising

Where's my Grunt plushie, dagnabbit?

ive been wondering that too

- Edited By JadeDingo On Tue 22nd, Apr 2003 @ 4:52:12pm

The Only Thing Stupid Here is The Entire Thread.....
Halo Is G0d...:oktagone:

Obviously your the stupid one, its a joke, its not an actual diss, which proves to me you didnt read past the title.

PsychoFarmer wrote: lol, and thats why halo is bad

notice the big grin after my comment

i should kill you pf... but your not worth the effort

w00t on that!

/me prances around nakid

D.e_Ghost wrote: The Only Thing Stupid Here is The Entire Thread.....
Halo Is G0d...:oktagone:

Was what my reply was aimed at PF.

D.e_Ghost wrote: The Only Thing Stupid Here is The Entire Thread.....
Halo Is G0d...:oktagone:

amen brotha

/me slaps hands with ghost

/me leaves to find somthin important

Its a joke you faggits! A JOKE /me drops to knees and claws @ Jades shoes

Just messin:)

interesting... obviously struggling to get some points there, but still a funny read

i love halo, shame my uni mates don't enjoy playing that biatch

It wuz "A JOKE!" says azz0r:)

joke pff frankly im insulted

azz0r wrote: 18. Homage or Theft? I

The character of Cortana is similar to the AI named Durandal from the Marathon series. Can't Bungie come up with its own ideas instead of stealing those of others?

Uh, last time I checked, Bungie made Marathon too

This thread cracked me up too I haven't played Halo much, but I have enough to know that it sucks it doesn't interest me. And congrats azz0r on making JD slip his first 'F word' :/

go kick this guy ; Forums.bungie.org

Hehe...

Hmm, wait a minute, after reading this I think there are four characters in Halo who spend the entire time buck-naked? Uh, is this true?! With... nipples..and...??!

SeienAbunae wrote: Uh, last time I checked, Bungie made Marathon too

This thread cracked me up too I haven't played Halo much, but I have enough to know that it sucks it doesn't interest me. And congrats azz0r on making JD slip his first 'F word'

yes i had a lot of anger to vent...

Im sure u did...

/me continues to prance around nakid

/me runs pf over with a warthog

*me puts the thread back on track

Azzy..Do you like halo?

ur warthog means nothing to me! hell, i can lift a tank, let alone a mere warthog!