Post news RSS Dwight Schrute Quotes

Girl: I found the needle in the hay stack! Dwight Schrute: Hey congratulations! Do you know what your prize is? Girl: I 'unno. Dwight Schrute: Nothing. Life lesson, some tasks are not worth doing.

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Dwight Schrute:You gotta learn Jim, you are second in command but that does not put you above the law.
Jim Halpert:Oh I understand. And I also have lots of questions. Like, what does a demerit mean?
Dwight Schrute:Let's put it this way, you do not want to receive three of those.
Jim Halpert:Lay it on me.
Dwight Schrute:Three demerits and you'll receive a citation.
Jim Halpert:Now, that sounds serious.
Dwight Schrute:Oh it is serious. Five citations and you're looking at a violation. Four of those and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that'll land you in world of hurt. In the form of a disciplinary review, written up by me, and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.
Jim Halpert:Which would be me.
Dwight Schrute:That is correct.
Jim Halpert:Okay. I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disagulation.
Dwight Schrute:What's a dis- What's that?
Jim Halpert:Oh you don't wanna know.

Dwight Schrute:Extraordinary events call for extraordinary actions. Will you form an allegiance--Creed:Sure.
Dwight Schrute:To use sudden violence--
Dwight Schrute:Do you have the tools to turn a wooden mop handle into a stake?
Creed:What size?

Stripper:I'm Elizabeth. I'm the dancer that was requested.
Dwight Schrute:Okay. Ah, I specifically ordered a stripper.
Stripper:I'm the stripper.
Dwight Schrute:Oh. Okay, good. Well in future please identify yourself as such.

Michael Scott:[filling out hospital form] Dwight, what is your middle name?
Dwight Schrute:Danger.

Commissar_Delta - - 5,828 comments

lol, the fight between dwight and andy should be on there. i'll see if i can find that episode somewhere because i dont remember how it weant exactly.

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