"To be, or not to be ?" -William Shakespear
That is the question I ask myself related to the world of creating modifications.
In the past years I have been inactive, forgetting about this world like an adult forgets the good moments of their past. Sadly the present is now catching up and I stand at a crossroads with both my health and my stage of life.
It may feel like ages ago but the view makes me precieve it in seconds time, times when I could not propperly use grammar... Times when I had overly ambitious goals that I could not accomplish such as a 12 chapter mod or being the single level developer for a Portal mod which then without my approval changed it's base premise and became Portal 2.
Despite all of those setbacks, I look back and I see a person full of optimism, a person that was not afraid to step up and face the challenge ahead of them. Today I feel like I've lost the connection and became old, bitter and shelled.
I no longer develop mods, no loger do I have the same feeling towards level designing... The feeling of challenge and gleeful joy in a creation that I would label today as a piece of trash work at best... Yet in all those creations that were frankly awful I see myself, and how I was not afraid of critique and publishing my work towards the community.
Time corrupted everything and even me, today I am a lonesome Leukemic sitting among her communities which are being taken over and ruined by adminsitrators believing to be the center of the galaxy.
I am no longer the joyful Frohman, parody of the Half Life comic, persistent developer and optimist. The feeling of me having become way less overwhelms me even to this point as I write this message, knowing I will not write another one as this is merely my passing-by cloud over the blog of me.
I only wish to know...
Am I the only one with such view, or have others had experience on this topic too ?
