Hello everyone! It has been a while since my last post, let alone my last activity on the site. I have been very inactive lately, both in general and with my custom story projects. I have had quite a lot personal issues lately, and that is the reason I am writing this blog post right now.
This is not a final goodbye, attention whoring, begging for pity or anything like that. This is an honest writing about my current situation, the explanation for why I can't keep up with anything I promise (custom story wise) and why I am in this situation.
I have had a severe case of ADHD for the entirety of my life. However, I actually only got diagnosed with it last year. I have always been the careless one. I forget things, I am very fond with making mistakes, having struggles with sleeping, etc. all these things ADHD people have. The moment I got diagnosed, all the pieces finally fit. Why have I always been careless, why I never did my homework, why I find it hard to be consistent etc. these things. Look up ADHD if you don't know what it is all about.
This also explains why I am so incredibly inconsistent when it comes to modding. I can have full focus for one week, making more progress than a normal modder would make in a month. Once the week is over, I don't care a bit about it anymore. This is called hyperfocus, which means being extremely intrigued about one certain task for a period of time, lasting from hours, to a day, to even weeks. Truth is, after the last Dev Diary I wrote, I have had no real progress.
Aside from ADHD, I've been getting to problems with alcohol. Some people know this already. This is partially due to ADHD and its' capability to get people addicted easier, but also the current state of my life. I have had a severe depression for a long time now, and my drinking has gotten out of control, especially after the Spring of 2022. I am fighting for financial issues, as well as health issues. I am getting help currently, and it is expected that I will get better by the year 2024. I am trying my best to get better. I hope I succeed.
This blog post here is the explanation why I have not done anything towards my mods for around six months now. However, I have made progress towards the Amnesia - Phasmophobia mod I have in my mind to finish one day. Year Zero will be finished, I promise you that. However, currently, the time is not right. I have far more important things to worry about. Once those are beaten, and I am free again, it is time to finish what I have started. It will take a while, but I will try my best. I will eventually come back. When I come back, I will be free.
I am writing this from my heart, and for a few people who have been there since the beginning of YZ, and even before that. If you know, you know - this is just for you.
Until next time - and until better times.
-Shyrtexx
damn dude, I'm sorry to hear that things have been so rough! ADHD can be hell to deal with sometimes, and addiction is a tough disease to fight. Im glad however that you got a proper diagnosis for ADHD, which means you now know how to better manage it, and that you are willing to take the steps necessary to beat addiction. I'm proud of you for doing what needs to be done. Don't worry about the mods, they'll still be here when you are doing better and feel up for it. In the meantime, I hope you take care of yourself, get plenty of rest and continue working towards recovery. You can do this! :)
Thank you so much for all the support you have provided among the years <3
Stay strong <3
Thank you, I will <3