Going into my senior year of highschool is scary for me. While I have learned a lot about game development and done a lot of work, I still feel like I haven't done all that I should in regards to video games.
I am often told: "As a highschooler you have already exceeded the common college student at this stage in your life."
I still feel I am not where I want to be. Which hurts my feelings but I have learned to accept it as a good thing. I think it's a good thing because it means I still have plenty of miles to travel with video games. I feared my passions for games might die out or I won't find it interesting anymore. I felt that way because of something else going on in my life and it wasn't video game's fault, it was my own. Growing up is a difficult thing to deal with because it involves change. Humans enjoy complacency. When things stay the same consistently we are happy because it validates our need to feel "Normal". Growing is change. Change is one of the few constants in our world. Our reluctance to actually flow with that change is what causes us problems. For me personally senior year feels as a shock for the change of time. I am most definitely in a different place in my life than 4 months ago, 1 year ago, and 2 years ago. My personal goal hasn't been reached and personally that is because it is such a high goal that I don't even understand yet. So for me as a person I feel like a failure because I have had 5 years ahead of everyone to get closer to my dreams and it still feels very far away. Which is again a good thing now that I think about it. I have been caught up in the urgency of modern society that I feel pressured to push my dreams and get to them as fast as possible as if it is a race. These first weeks of summer have made me realize that it is more important to enjoy the process to get to my dream. I have my entire life to get to where I want to be. It doesn't make sense that I would want to be there right now. It comes down to a conversation about peer pressure and what society is telling me to feel at this time in my life. College applications are coming and the awful question for some "What do you want to do with your life?" The thing for me is I have been doing what I want to do with my life for the past 5 years. I shouldn't worry. It is just weird because I am not most highschool students which is ok but the system is built for "normal" students. My goal right now is to apply to Digi Pen and finish my current project "Beyond the grave" and I couldn't be happier in this position. If there is anything to take out of this blog post its that, sit back relax and enjoy yourself.
Smooth Sailing Everyone!
~ N 
Check out my new game Beyond the Grave!
World Switching Mechanic - Indie DB
