I'm replaying Enderal, a total conversion for Skyrim. I found it well-made, with a gripping story, great characters, and excellent music. I got a whole bunch of mods for my next playthrough, and one adds in a journal one can write in to record thoughts, events, etc. I'll be keeping this journal up as I play, and I figured it would be fun to share it here.
Heartfire, 18th, 4E 8234
The archmagister got his stone. He was pretty pleased. I’m glad someone is. I don’t think I’ll be doing anything today. I feel tired.
Calia stopped by my room, but I told her to leave me alone. I feel a bit bad about it, but… I don’t want to talk about what happened yesterday. I kind of just want to be alone with my thoughts. I hope she understands that.
I have some reading to catch up on. Maybe I’ll write it down here. Maybe not. It’s funny… for a day, I thought I could have maybe had a chance at a life outside of all of this… something to look forward to once we end the Cycle… assuming we end the Cycle. But now… I don’t know.
I’m not sure what else to write. I think I’m just scribbling down thoughts right now to keep my mind occupied. Halda seemed a bit excited when I paid her a visit. She said that in a few days, she might have something interesting to show me.
I don’t know where Jespar is. Frankly, I don’t think I could stomach a walk through the Undercity right now anyways. I hope he’s getting better. I should probably remember that I’m not the only one who’s lost people.
I ended up asking Sha’Rim about the Word of the Dead; they haven’t received a reply back from the Frostcliff Mountains. Could just be taking a while. Could be something else. If there’s nothing new in the next few days, it might be worth looking into ourselves.
He’s seething about Lishari’s death. I… I can’t bring myself to be mad anymore. I don’t know what it is. Maybe I’m just shutting it all out. I really don’t want to think much about it. There isn’t much point.
I also came across Rys training with some of the Keepers. He’s holding his own pretty well – a good fighter, that one. He’ll come in handy if things end up going south… which they will. But until then, I’d prefer to not think about it for just a little bit.
As if on cue, just as I was starting to lose myself in my thoughts, I get a message from Dal’Geyss requesting that I return Ryneus’ birth certificate. I gave the messenger my reply. If he wants it, he can come try and take it. I’m not going to use it to ruin him, though… at least not now. I can’t bring myself to be that petty over this. It feels like it would be an insult to Ryneus.
It feels a bit relaxing to just read, though. No rush, no excitement, no killing, no fighting. Just me enjoying the books I haven’t opened yet…
You know, there’s something rather fantastic about alcohol that most people don’t tend to think about. See, when you imbibe enough of it, you get real imaginative. You start to see things in all sorts of weird ways… new perspectives and all that.
That shit’s really good for mages… arcanists… whatever. If you’ve got a good imagination, you get more bang for your buck when you take a look into the Sea. You start to see some pretty cool stuff, and sometimes you’re even able to pull it into the world.
A lot of arcanists keep ale or wine around because of that. Makes most mundane spells a snap to cast. It’s pretty nifty. Not only do you get to get drunk… you also get to be better at magic. Sounds like a win-win scenario to me.
I must be a pretty sore sight right now… standing out in the meadow next to the Sun Temple surrounded by empty bottles of wine. But fuck it. It’s great. I don’t care if I get weird looks from the Keepers. And I don’t care if a few days ago I told off Jespar for drowning himself after what happened to him. He had the right idea, all things considered.
I just need a bit more… I’m out as it is… might head down to the inn to see what they’ve got. I just need a bit more and maybe I’ll be able to see it… I could’ve sworn I caught a glimpse of it already in the Sea. The painting. It’s there. The painting Ryneus showed me.
It was beautiful. It was this fantastic oil depiction of the two of us on the coast watching the sunset. Might be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. When he showed it to me, I didn’t know what to say. He was so proud of it. But it wasn’t real. Like everything else, it was just a fake… an illusion.
But I can change that. I just need to warp my mind a big more… that sounds strange when I write it… and I might be able to see it. If I can see it, there’s a chance I can drag it here. If I can do that, then I’ll have something to remember Ryneus by… something to remind myself why I’m still going. I could probably use that.
Well… that was interesting. Calia caught me drowning my sorrows. She was pretty perturbed by the whole thing. It probably caught her off-guard. I can’t help but feel she’s like I was when I tried to jog Jespar out of his drunken state. Oh well.
I told her about what happened at Silvergrove. That I went there searching for a kid with a Black Stone and ended up in an illusory village created by the wishes of a kid who only knew the scorn and hatred everyone showed him all his life.
I told her about how we spent the day together, fucking around and playing games and having fun. I gave him… something he had never really had. And he gave me back a piece of my childhood, one of the few happy parts that I can look back on and smile at.
I told her about the cave and how he died, and that was it. I went into more detail, but that ended up being a mistake because I started crying again… bloody embarrassing. This is the second time Calia’s had to put up with it.
I almost forgot to explain the alcohol to her. Told her that it’s not just me drowning my sorrows. I’m doing this for a good cause! I told her about the painting and how I was trying to find it in the Sea of Eventualities. For some reason it’s really fucking difficult to track it down.
But then Calia asked me to describe it. It took a bit of doing, but once I got the picture in my head and laid out the details to her, it became a lot clearer. And then, all of a sudden, I could see it. It was right there, as if it had always been there. With a quick snap of my fingers it was right in front of me, exactly as I remember it. It’s beautiful.
I don’t know whether or not Calia knew that would work, but she seemed pretty sure of herself. I owe her… again. I’m racking up a hell of a debt with that woman… first Lishari and now this. I feel sorry for her, having to deal with me like I’m some stupid kid. This whole Cycle thing is really fucking with my head, I guess.
Anyways, I’m back in my room at the Sun Temple. I’m starting to come down off the alcohol, which isn’t particularly fun. Fortunately, Ryneus’ picture fits perfectly on the wall. I still think it’s incredible. It may not have been real when he made it, but he thought of it and he brought it into his world using just his imagination. It was a representation of what he had always wanted: a friend who wouldn’t hate him.
Fuck, I’m getting sappy. But I suppose I can’t really help it. I might as well get it all out tonight so I’m not out of sorts tomorrow. Need to track down the last Black Stone. Whatever it is, there’s not really much worse it could do to me than what Silvergrove did.
Link to Enderal. It's important to note that the writing above is based almost entirely on the story created by an extraordinarily talented group of modders. Credit is due to them, not to me. I would also be remiss to not credit Arcones for the idea of using a parchment-looking background to add some flavor.