I'm replaying Enderal, a total conversion for Skyrim. I found it well-made, with a gripping story, great characters, and excellent music. I got a whole bunch of mods for my next playthrough, and one adds in a journal one can write in to record thoughts, events, etc. I'll be keeping this journal up as I play, and I figured it would be fun to share it here.
Last Seed, 30th, 4E 8234
I'm going to say yes. I'm going to go up to the Sun Temple and tell Arantheal I'll help him. I didn't have some dream. I didn't have some revelation. I just... realized something. Sirius and I came to Enderal to start a new, simple life. We failed. I can't hide behind that anymore. The moment I woke up on that shore I became a different person. A stronger person. In the back of my mind I knew I had to use that power to do... something. I couldn't just settle down. That's why I didn't stay in Riverville. It had nothing to do with finding a cure to my fever or anything like that. I just couldn't live a... mundane life. The moment I woke up on the shore able to peer into the Sea of Eventualities is the moment I left behind any simple life I could've ever lived.
I looked into the Sea. It's a realm of infinite possibilities. Everything's there. Every reality, every eventuality. I can't see them all. I don't know what's going to happen in the future, for example. But I can look at the past. I can see what could have been, more or less. I can't bring anything into the world, of course. I'm not strong enough to do that. But I can see. And the one thing I can't find in that Sea, the one eventuality that simply doesn't exist is the one where I settle down in Riverville with Liliath and live out the rest of my days. It just can't happen. I knew it when I woke up alive on the shore. I knew it when I told Liliath I had to leave. And I know it now. I can't run from this. I have the power to do good. Now I have to use it.
Damn Arantheal and his smug fucking ass. He wants me to join the Holy Order as a Keeper. Says I'll need the resources. I guess it makes sense, but what gets me is that he already made the arrangements for the ritual I need to take, as if he knew I were going to say yes. Nothing like feeling like you're a pawn in someone else's game. As long as I don't have to become a religious zealot, I guess I'll go through with it. Don't have many other options at this point. The resources could be useful. I'm taking a Myrad to the tower close to the Whisperwood. Maybe I'll get to see whether Liliath was exaggerating about the haunting beauty it's given in the bard songs. There are two other novices taking this ritual with me. Hopefully they aren't as insufferably smug as their grand master.
On a happier note, I ran into Lishari before I left the Sun Temple. I was kind of curious as to why she joined up with Naranthzul's mages, and figured I might as well ask her, maybe strike up a conversation. Well, as if reading my mind, she pulled out a bottle of brandy and suggested we crack it open at the inn and talk there. So that's what occupied the next hour or so. I told her about Ostian and basically waxed lyrical as to why Sirius and I left. She told me about how she lost her brother to religious zealots, which drove her to seek out Naranthzul and overthrow the Lightborn. She's not a fan of religion, to say the least. I can see where she's coming from, at least. Honestly, I've never had much to say about it myself. To each his or her own. But when you start killing people for your Holy Order, that's when things start to go downhill.
Anyways, we talked a bit more after straying from that dreary subject. I told her about my recent travels and exploits. Bounty hunts and the like. I also asked her about her family, or rather, her ancestry. She looks like a Skaragg, and I've heard more than a few whispers from the arcanists at the Sun Temple referring to her as such. Turns out her mother was part of a captured Skaragg raiding ship that got captured. Her father fell in love with her, and things went on from there. Lishari said that it didn't give her too much trouble. People just looked at her with a bit of trepidation. I suppose that's not too bad considering what some people go through due to the blood that flows in their veins. That was just about the end of our conversation. We ended with a bit of small talk and she left. All-in-all, it was fun. She's... different. She says what she wants to say and doesn't hold back when she says it. And she's got a sharp mind. Definitely one of the more interesting (and more attractive) people I've met since coming to Ark. I hope I get to see more of her.
It's getting late, but not late enough for me to put off this ritual thing. The Myrad rides tend to only be a few minutes, which means I don't have much in the way of excuses. I suppose I should go ahead and get it done. At any rate, if it's at all like any standard combat test, which I hope to whatever Gods actually exist it is, it should give me a chance to go all-out and clear my head a bit. I've had enough of these mindfucks for two lifetimes.
Link to Enderal. It's important to note that the writing above is based almost entirely on the story created by an extraordinarily talented group of modders. Credit is due to them, not to me. I would also be remiss to not credit Arcones for the idea of using a parchment-looking background to add some flavor.
