Enderal Journal, Entry 13 - Vengeance blog - AK151

I'm replaying Enderal, a total conversion for Skyrim. I found it well-made, with a gripping story, great characters, and excellent music. I got a whole bunch of mods for my next playthrough, and one adds in a journal one can write in to record thoughts, events, etc. I'll be keeping this journal up as I play, and I figured it would be fun to share it here.

Last Seed, 28th, 4E 8234

Gods, I don't even know where to start. Right now I'm in the Dancing Nomad. I feel like utter death. Head's hurting, arms and legs are weak; I can barely walk. The whole city's abuzz. Jespar's getting some air. That's understandable. I really screwed him over.

I guess we can start at the beginning. I woke up early, before dawn. Wanted to see Jespar off. Figured I owed him that much, seeing as he helped me out a lot, got me to Ark, and set me on the path to getting all of this magic stuff figured out. He appreciated the gesture. Told me he thought about staying, but decided that Kile is a bit... safer than Enderal. I didn't really blame him. He's a mercenary and he goes where he can get a job. So I accompanied him to the ship. Now that I think about it, we got a bit lucky, since the pier was pretty isolated compared to a lot of the other ones in the harbor. Probably how it took so long for the guards to get there, and probably why none of them got there fast enough to see either of us.

So we're walking down the pier, saying our goodbyes. I tell him to watch his back and that I hope we come across one another again. He returns the favor before hearing the call for everyone to get aboard. I'm about to say one last thing, and then it happens. My gaze wanders right past Jespar to the captain calling out for everyone to get on, and... it's her. It's captain Roccio. The bitch who killed Sirius. Who tied me to his corpse and tossed me overboard. Who caused all of this.

I don't remember much of what happened next. Most of this account is from Jespar. According to him, when I saw her, I just... froze. He tried to get my attention, but he couldn't break my gaze. I remember locking eyes with her. When she saw me, her own eyes widened. She recognized me. I snapped my fingers, Blutgang appeared out of thin air in my hand, and I rushed forward blindingly fast. She barely drew her own blade in time, and the force of my blow almost knocked her back completely. She barely held her ground as I shoved Blutgang against her puny shortsword, the same one she had used to kill Sirius.

That's where things get hazy. Jespar says that the crew drew their weapons and came at me. I pushed Roccio back and let out a shout, and a green wave suddenly engulfed everything. A roiling storm that Jespar didn't even consider jumping into. He said that he could hear the screams of the crew, but over all of that was the shrieking from the captain. Through the storm he saw her turn to ash and bone in front of me. The rest of the crew followed after that. Then the ship itself crumbled and collapsed into the sea. After that the storm dissipated. Jespar says he dove into the wreckage to fish me out, and dragged me to the coast while the guards tried to figure out what the hell happened. He got me to the Dancing Nomad (probably got a few looks carrying me to the room) and kept an eye on me. I really do owe him for that.

His description of what happened matches pretty well with the one thing I do remember clearly: a reality in which Roccio and the crew, and everything around us, was dead. I think that in a rage I immediately sought that picture out and dedicated all of my strength to making it a reality. And I did. I killed all of them in an instant. Killed the ship too. Rotted the wood to the point where the whole thing collapsed in on itself. The epitome of Entropy. And it almost killed me. I've been asleep for almost twelve hours, and I still feel weak.

Anyways, after he described everything to me, I figured the jig was up. I told him the truth: my specialty wasn't Elementalism, as I had tried to make clear during our walk to Ark, but Entropy. Specifically, necromancy. I kept it from him because of the stigma against the school. When I saw Roccio, I just... lost control. I apologized a lot. He said he understood, but I definitely hurt him. Damn it. And now the only word in the city is about a storm of magical death destroying a ship bound for Kile. No one can really trace anything back to either of us, but still, we need to lay a bit low for a while. Jespar was leaving the continent. Now he's stuck here. I really did mess things up for him.

However, if there's one silver-lining to this, it's that Roccio is dead. It's because of her and her crew that I'm here. That Sirius is dead. That we couldn't just live out simple new lives like we wanted. I regret screwing over Jespar and causing a panic in the city, and it might come back to bite me later, but when Jespar described how they all died, part of me felt... satisfied. I turned them all to ash and bone. As far as magical feats go, that's more than anything I've ever done before.

Usually when I use necromancy, when I bring forth a reality where my enemy is dead, it takes a bit of time, a lot of concentration, and only results in them collapsing lifeless after everything's said and done. But this was different. The reality I looked for in the Sea when I had Roccio and her men around me, the one I found and brought into the world, wasn't just of them dying. It was of them suffering. And they did, if Jespar's account is to be believed. I don't remember how I did it and I doubt I could consciously do it again without an insane amount of practice.

There's also the fact that it very nearly killed me. Jespar said that when he fished me out my skin was pale and cold, and if not for my ragged breathing, he would have mistaken me for a corpse. I think I need to cut back on the necromancy for a bit. Focus on honing Blutgang and getting Alice stronger. Maybe get a bit more used to Elementalism; I kind of like using lightning. I feel like I can find those realities pretty easily compared to ones involving fire or ice, if that makes sense. Hell, I could start taking a serious look into Mentalism and Light Magic. But the bottom line is that I need to be careful with the necromancy. If only because if I'm not, I'll end up dead.

Jespar came back to check on me. Told me that the harbor's pretty much locked down while the guards and the Order investigate the wreckage. I don't know how to describe it, but the fact that he isn't... overtly angry, is worse than what I imagine it would be like if he were visibly pissed. I told him I'm sorry. Again. I didn't want things to end up like this. I just lost it when I saw Roccio. He said he understood. Maybe he does. But that doesn't change the fact that he's stuck here now. I definitely hurt him by not telling him about my skill in necromancy. That's probably what stung most of all, that I lied to him. What's worse is that until now I didn't think much of it. Sure, in the back of my mind I felt a bit bad, but I never really gave it a lot of consideration. But I didn't trust him enough to tell him something important about me. And now he knows that I didn't trust him. Gods, I've really screwed things up.

I need to get out of the city. My strength's coming back, but I don't think I'll be going anywhere until tomorrow, at least. Some time away will be good. Give everything time to die down, maybe give Jespar time to maybe find something to do now that the harbor's closed and he can't really go anywhere, and maybe let him cool down and forgive me for lying to him. Plus, I might make some progress with this fever. I guess we'll see.