YAAAWWWNNNN. Oh. My alarm. Shut up.
Okay, hello audience. Or whoever's listening to this. I'm Joe. The only test subject left alive in Frohman Laboratories. Think it's too much like Portal 2? Eh. Not my problem. Anyway, Frohman, that guy who manages this shit place keeps me testing, day in, day out. I usually get three hours of sleep. Eh.. enough about me. Let's get on to a typical day in Frohman Labs.
"Oooohhhh Joooooeeee! Wake up!"
"Joe? Joe? Don't make me go GLaDOS on you."
"Shut up you blockhead..." I groan. I manage to drag myself out of bed. I stretch, then head for the door.
"Good. Test chamber 2, area 3. I don't think you've gone in there yet." goes on Frohman's voice. I roll my eyes and get to the area. There's a pit of lava that I can't jump across, even if I tried. I see a launching pad. At the other side of the room, there's a door and a sign that says "Did you hit your head? Press the button for emergency meds! Oh wait. The button hasn't been installed yet. Too bad." Oddly, Frohman likes to sound like GLaDOS. He even screams "Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!" Whenever a chicken gets in his labs. How he gets rid of them, I don't know. Judging from the chicken's screams, I don't want to know. I hop onto the launching pad and shot across the pit. Oddly, the lava spits out little fireballs at me, as if it wanted to kill me. I hit the target area in front of the door, pull the lever next to it, and continue on to the corridor beyond. After taking six steps, I come across a sign that says "I am in hiding! Help me get out!" There's a hatch under it, and through the holes, I can see darkness. Judging from the smell, and the moaning, I'd say the poor guy hiding in there died and became a zombie. No thanks, I don't wanna be zombie chow. I reach the next test chamber and open the door. Test chamber 2, area 4. Yippee. Oh hey, there's a big hole in the wall. Looks like a tunnel. Someone put a sign there saying "Wanna skip this? Come in!" Hm... I want to skip this test... so I go in.
"No! Come back! We'll give you ca- er, candy! Come back! Joe! AAAAAaaaarrggghhhh..." goes Frohman. Hm. Looks like the test subject who dug this tunnel didn't have torches. Frohman warned all of us test subjects about monsters spawning in the dark, but he never told us what kind of monsters. Hey, what's that hissing? Sounds like FFFFFFSSSSSS!
Aagh. What happened? Why am I in this bed? Why am I covered in bandages? Why is Frohman standing over there? Why's he giving me that look? Can I possibly come up with more questions? So... Frohman's launching into an explanation. Oh right. Monsters spawning in the dark. Creeper? What's a creeper? Oh. Big green, four legged, frowny mouthed, two-eyed monster that goes FFFFFFFFSSSSSSS and explodes like a terrorist. Okay. So, this is not such an ordinary day. Well, it was, until I met that creeper. At least the tunnel helped me skip that test chamber.
