Cancellation news

Some of you have seen my Discord announcement, some of you have not, but the truth remains the same, after having a hard time finding it´s ground as a solid concept, BDOP is being cancelled, and i´d like to explain today why that is and what are the plans for the future.

I have always valued transparency above everything else, so i might as well stick to my principles and tell you why this all started, and why this all is ending.
BDOP´s first test build was published in the 27th of October, 2017, one year ago, to the now extinct forums of the SAMP server "Breaking Desert Roleplay", it was a fan-game based on the multiple stories cultivated on that roleplay server, you would view all of those popular stories that happened in the server via the eyes of an anonymous criminal linked to all of the organizations in the region, and so, having a small part in all those stories, and being able to participate them, two test levels were made that were published in the now lost build, at the time, made in FPS Creator/DARKBasic, i remember one of those levels vaguely, one of them was a basement that lead into an office building, and another one was an underground passage that had a puzzle that involved finding a fire axe to cut up planks that were blocking your way, both of them were very primitive levels, made by me, someone who had no idea about level design and just wanted to make something cool, they were hit-or-miss, and i had a small team with me, composed of one UI designer, Peter, that made the logo that you can see in the icon of our Discord server, Enrico, someone who gave feedback, and Mussy, someone who searched for the best models and assets for us to use in the game.
That idea quickly came down the drain, when just a few days after the 27th, Breaking Desert Roleplay shut down, bringing our small concept build and idea down with it, BDRP reopened after a few months, but BDOP didn´t continue until one year later.
I started mapping, and without a lot of experience and a little less than a year of making half-finished and publishing a bad CSGO map on my belt, i jumped into making a big singleplayer mod, based on the idea i had before, it was still based in the two main areas of BDRP, Fort Carson and Red County Forest, you were a CIA agent tasked with the objective of sabotaging a local militia that was getting estabilished in the region and was about to turn radical and in the proccess, hurt a lot of people, i started making a few concept maps, most were inside areas, something i had taken the grasp of and was more confortable with doing than outside environements, obviously not the ideal area of confort for someone about to make a desert and a forest.
I started experimenting, and then got a new person into the team, i won´t reveal his name, partially out of respect, and partially because i don´t remember it, he was a good mapper, and somehow managed to turn a bad idea into a good execution with Interception, the map where most of the screenshots are from in the ModDB page, while he was doing Interception, my undecisive mind was still sitting in the proof-of-concept phase, trying to get something out of every small piece of mangled map i made in a week before scrapping it, i was trying to find something, maybe i was too harsh with myself and scrapped a few good concepts along the way, maybe they were all just bad and i was even worse, anyways, back to the mapper, he was being a bit of an edgy person in other servers and said some antisemitic things, which made me promptly kick him out in a fit of uncontrolled anger, i could have handled the situation a hell of a lot better, but in retrospective, it is all to easy to take the stakes out of the question when you are not living trough the moment yourself, and i had dealt with enough people like the team member in my personal life to the point that when he did the things he did, i considered him an enemy like everyone else, but either way, i could have handled it better but there was no way i was going to let that shit fly either way, independent of my emotional state, anyways, the thing is i banned the dude from the team, but at the same time promised to not include his work in the public BDOP build or in screenshots, later, he had admitted his mistakes just like i kind of admitted mine and let me use the work he had done for BDOP, but i feel i should have came clearer to him, and i know he reads these news posts, so i think i did come clean to him finally.
Anyways, continuing the tale, some videos with gameplay of Interception were posted a bit before all that drama i mentioned before happened, and a dude had commented on one of my videos, let´s just call him L, i checked out his videos, saw he was doing some stuff with dynamic lighting in Source, and then i subscrided to him, i then, by coincidence, saw him in the Glorious Rigby Discord server, and then private messaged him, after a bit of conversating, he sent me a MEGA link to the source code of his dynamic lighting stuff, anyways, skipping a bit, he showed me a few screenshots of a project he was working on in conjunction with three other people, SEUL, and then linked me to the demo, i asked him if i could have a version of SEUL to use in my mod, and he told me he couldn´t give me the source code, but that he could give me a mod template, so he gave me the mod template and i started using it.
There isn´t officially a point in time where i got involved with the other SEUL people, they kind of just started making stuff for the mod and i just rolled with it, but at that point, they were making more progress than me, and they had made a lot of content for BDOP, and i couldn´t dissapoint them, that was the time i woke up to the mod being directed towards cancellation, no real progress on my side was happening, and i was the lead developer, but i had to keep going with the mod, i just had to, but i lost interest, i didn´t enjoy doing it anymore, and it was like work for me, i couldn´t dissapoint people, and with everything else going on in my life, BDOP was another thing i said "shit" to when i woke up, and everytime i tought about it, fuck, there was the fucking noise, the noise didn´t stop, the mental noise telling me that i had to finish it, but i couldn´t, i didn´t want to, i was doing it for the people i was avoiding dissapointing, and then i came clear to them, well not entirely clean, i told them that i didn´t enjoy making the mod anymore, and that didn´t change much, because they probably already knew it, they were losing hope in the game, they were losing the hope that i had already lost, and the mod entered stasis, i threw a few ideas around, a new artstyle, a new story, but nothing stuck, it was scrapping after scrapping, until i came to the conclusion that i came to four days ago, i couldn´t keep going on, cancelling this mod was going to be better for me in the long run, so i did, and here we are today, sorry to everyone who wanted this to come out, sorry for the wait, but now, we have to talk about the future, and the future isn´t grim, i´m moving to smaller projects, including making a small text-based RPG game, smaller projects will definetly keep me focused and allow me to put out actual content.
Now, all projects made by MindKill, unless the licensing forbids so, will be open-sourced, including the upcoming small RPG game, remember to get into the Discord using this link: Discord.gg
Thank you for reading. - Helena