Something has been following you... something terrible. You break in a castle where everything started. You began to find out the dark history of the castle. Are you the one... who will pass the test? -REQUIRES JUSTINE- -Good mapping -Good story - Good atmosphere

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I didnt know where to put this so I decided to put this in here. What do you think? Tell me in comments!

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A man, Andrew Hunter (Player) visited a castle. Baron of the castle asked him to go there.
Baron was nice, and the castle was amazing. After few days, Andrew heared something.
It was inhuman. He was scared.
Next day, he asked the baron about the voice.The baron answered that it must be something about a machinery. The baron looked strange.

Next few days were calm. But then, something knocked heavily on Andrews door. They sounded so strong, that Andrew didnt open. The door broke. Something was coming, something scary and disgusting. Andrew panicked and ran. He got away from that horrible creature.

Andrew went to baron. He was scared, and told everything to him. Baron told him to go home.

Well, Andrew went home. On theroad to home, he saw again a creature, this one was different.
When it walked away, he continued his journey.

At home, the same monster broke into his home.Andrew was sure, that they were after him.

The weeks went, and Andrew was horrified. He returned to castle and told baron everything.
Baron throwed him out and said that he doesnt want these monsters to follow him in the castle.

Andrew decided to break in barons castle to find out why are they after Andrew. That's where the game starts... What do you think? Tell me in comments!!

Comments
Ragendar
Ragendar

I think that there's not enough linking evidence between the monsters and the castle, and that it does not make sense for Andrew to break into the castle to investigate further as the gain is not enough. I would consider giving him a greater amount of evidence that the monsters are related to the castle and maybe a greater amount of motivation. Maybe something is taken from him by the monsters, and he follows a trail leading back to the castle. Obviously, it has to be something rather valuable to him, but as it stands there is not enough reason for Andrew to investigate.

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Puppeteer123 Author
Puppeteer123

He goes there, because everything strange things started when he went there first time.

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KrustiClawn
KrustiClawn

I think the story is good but I do agree with you. I wouln't dare going back to a place with monsters and such things unless it's imperative, like my friends/family is in that castle and needs my help, or it's enough evidence to know the only way to get rid of the monsters is going back in there.

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