I has got too much free time in my hand now. And I found that from time to time I like to use that time to shape my drawing skills.

Report RSS About the unhappyness of happyness

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Hello everyone, it's time for my yearly blog post. *cough* *cough*

I regret to inform you that from 2 and half months from now, my life will come to an end. Wait, don't get sad, don't get confused, I'm not going to die. It's just the end of one period of my life. I'm going to finish the vocational school and get my papers as web specialist. That moment marks a drastic change in my life which so far has consisted of going to school to learn stuff.

From that moment I'm supposed to do what everyone expects a youngster who's path of education has come to an end to do. I'm supposed to do something with my life. Since I haven't planned on continuing my so far 15 years of education in university, everyone expects me to find a job. That's what they expect me to do, that's what society expects me to do, that's also what I expect of myself. I feel unhappy about it. My life so far has been a peach. I have so much that it would make half the world jealous of me, my life so far has been a happy one, when I think about it, hell some people dream of the life that is mine. It's secure, it's calm, I have people who care about me, love me, help me. A happy life that I'm unhappy about.

Why oh why am I unhappy about it? Because this life can not continue, in two and half months it's going to end. yet, I'm not unhappy about that. To be honest, 21 years of this life is enough, it's about time a large change came into my life. But the change is not going to be something that I like. I'm going to get myself a job and then... do that every day, earn my pay, pay taxes. Not cool, not for me. It's a trap, it's a endless circle of routine. Changes in that life are going to be slow. I feel like... I'm going to waste my life away.

As unhappy as I am about that, it's what I'm expected to do by everyone. Even by myself, I expect myself to do it, because there hardly is any alternative. Like so many young people these days, my life lacks a Goal, a Reason, a Dream. I can't find Motivation, a reason to do something, anything. All I can do is just what is expected. For now, I'm going to do it and keep an eye out to see if I can change it, break free from it. At least my job could be what I like to do. But that doesn't make me feel any happier.

Oh, but if I have any strong points, it's that I can find satisfaction in small things. But over time those small things, exactly because they are small, can get me frustrated... I'm afraid of unchanging typical life, full of small things, small changes.

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