The light at the end of the tunnel: Graduation. blog - Sab3rr

Who still reads these things anyway? But for those that still care and just for myself to kinda reflect, here is a long time coming blog update.

Graduation. I've officially graduated as an electronic engineer on Wednesday. That means, yup you've guessed it, I'm now officially unemployed! I don't feel much different, yet it feels amazing that I graduated with all my close friends.

Because of the work I've done with my final year project and my general performance during my studies, I've been accepted for a scholarship for my master's degree at my university, spanning two years. I'll be working with world acclaimed professors in their field, working in cutting edge projects for companies such as Airbus, that focus on control systems for autonomous vehicles. I'm rather exited for next year.

So I suppose you can say my hard work has payed off and I'm well on my way. But as with all things in life, it came at a price. The obvious one given away by my lack of blog updates. After a train wreck of a Christmas vacation last year, with me being down for the count and burned out due to stress, I went into this year without much energy. My mental health came into question due to my breakdown. After several appointments, I was given anti-depressants and diagnosed with social anxiety. Not so surprising on the latter really. The anti-depressants is there with the hopes of getting me through my final year of my studies. With my close friends whom I study with carrying me through most of the year, and my medication, I at least coped. The final semester it was all about our final year project. Friends couldn’t help you with that. Luckily I had a great professor to help me and in the end it all worked out.

With my mental condition being diagnosed, I’ve started with phycologist sessions to try and undue the negative mental patterns I’ve cemented in my brain over the years. I think it’s helping. It’s good to have someone else’s perspective that is not part of your echo chamber and family culture.

One apparent thing is just the sacrifice a person must make for higher education. The average person seems to say engineers are these anti-social, arrogant people, or the same of pretty much any highly educated individual. The fact is this is the impression people get because they do not understand the sacrifice these educated individuals had to make to get where they are. Financial, mental and social sacrifices. We can’t explain these sacrifices, because the average person does not have the scope to understand them and thus reverts to calling us entitled and arrogant. So both parties end up sour for one another. We can’t talk about average things with average people, because we never had the time to experience them during studies, and thus our youth. People think we are workaholics, because that’s all we talk about. But people can only make friends with those that share their interests, and for us those are down to people in our field. Also working academically for years on end breeds a certain mental condition. Why are we so systematic, and critical about everything? Why can’t we just enjoy things for what they are? Why aren’t we more impulsive? It’s because these traits just cause trouble in academics and research. If you are busy with academics 80% of your day, you can’t just switch off that mental condition for the other 20% if your day, or the weekend even. This is why you will hear people say to do your post grad studies as soon as you’re done with pregrad. Because if you go work in the field, you lose your critical mindset and transitioning back to it for post grad studies makes it even more difficult. So, in a sense I look forward to regaining a more relaxed mental attitude once I go work in the field, but until then, I’ve accepted my fate. Don’t get me wrong though, working at the edge of human technology during post grad has its own rewards.

I can’t have a life update without talking about gaming. So the first half of this year was pretty dry, with my friends and I doing the Dota 2 thing. It wasn’t as great as we hoped, and with the Reborn update it all went to hell. With constant updates and a toxic community, we just left that game for good. I also had my run with Eve online, made quite a bit and rather quickly for a new player, but with studies it could not go much further.

The second half of this year, I got Killing Floor 2. I’m glad I did because it turned out to be perfect for keeping me going and scratching my trigger finger. At the moment it is still my go to game, with Ark survival evolved with my one friend supplementing it. The FPS scene for PC is still very much in crisis mode. With Battlefront not having dedicated servers being a huge issue and Rainbow six Siege not being all that much.

In other news, South Africa is kinda dissolving into chaos around me, a slippery slope of corruption and protests. Riots at university, the natives being restless. The economy is at the brink of collapse due to the people in government being apes. I couldn’t have gotten my degree any sooner. And hopefully after my masters I can get a job overseas, although that plan does look promising hearing of the connections we have from this faculty.

This blog doesn’t do the intensity of my year much justice but there it is. I’m still in a relationship and going strong, which naturally helps. But it is a long distance relationship and that does have an emotional toll on me. But it will be worth it I know it. The internet is a weird thing and is changing how our generation interacts. For better or worse, only us lot be able to say one day. The wheel of life weaves forward.

Sab3rr out! o7