I'm still alive, barely.
This year flew by in the blink of an eye looking at when I last updated this little piece of internet. It has been a hectic year and toughest year at uni yet. I'm successfully carrying on to 4th year engineering studies, but the year has severely drained me physically and emotionally and I have allot of catching up to do with the rest of life.
Devoting all my attention to studies just to keep my head above water means that my creativity is at an all time low and emotionally I'm left confused and frustrated. I've discovered some depressing personal faults while being severely pressured.
Hopefully the 2 month vacation I have is enough for me to put myself back together, but I've gained allot of new perspectives on life this past year, perspectives that did change my outlook on life itself and where I might fit into it. Suffice to say, I think the cultural environment where I'm in currently at home is not for me and I feel rather dumb for only realizing it now, but I had no other perspectives until now.
I don't know what I'm gonna do about it however and there isn't much I can do at this stage. Things might become more clear after a long rest. I hope.
Some updates in my life include the end of my competitive FPS career. It all just imploded with me being to busy and the rest of the team also being to busy with real life. Plus the fact that BF4 is a piece of shit game and just wastes the competitive player's time with its nonsense. I still love my FPS, and maybe a game worth my time will pop up again. I've been getting into the combat flight sim thing abit more due to War Thunder and I'm quite enjoying it. It just takes time to get into it and getting the proper equipment to enjoy it with.
Without the competitive FPS scene, I've lost allot of focus regarding my free time. Trying to pick up new hobbies while studying is difficult and getting good in them on a standard I'm happy with is nigh impossible.
(Start meaningless ramble) Up until now I've been underestimating video games and what they do for you mentally and socially. I didn't realize how much I relied on them to expand my horizons and befriend new ppl. The problem I sit with socially is that the common man's interest out there is just too far off from my own, so there isn't much out there for me irl socially speaking, especially in the cultural box I'm stuck in here. Realizing that there isn't something socially wrong with me and rather that I'm just in the wrong place culturally was a big eye opener to me and a confidence booster. However it does kinda depress me that I've been suppressed socially so long due to my personality and situation. (/end meaningless ramble)
Here's hoping some new good quality games will bring back some focus into my free time. Looking at the online spaceship games like Elite Dangerous to be the miracle I'm waiting for. Fingers crossed.
Sab3rr out o7