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Greetings my friends Back from hell and worse, I am a changed man

RSS Life in the Allies: Part one

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Since I've been showing the style of the normal Allied citizen, I thought I'd show you guys what the average morning for a human is as well.

Here's some music to go with it ->

"Good morning Halo City! This is Calbert Patterson at ANN!"
The alarm clock goes off next to your bed, blasting you from your dream. You turn over your covers and see the blue numbers display on it's holo-pad.
"8:30 AM"
"Today is going to have sun from morning until noon, then we expect a 40% chance of light showers..."
Arisen from your memory-pad bed you tap the alarm clock, causing for the radio to turn off. You yawn and look out your apartment window, large buildings cover your view, the streets are packed with people and cars.
You exit your bedroom, the door clicks as it slides open by itself. Your personal AI detects your presence.
"Good morning, what would you like for breakfast? You need to get ready in 10 minutes for work."
It's voice is of a soft female, barely hinting at emotion, but still friendly.
"I'll take the usual, dark coffee, some eggs and some toast."
The machines in your kitchen come to life, plastic arms making food for you. Tired you sit down at your table, a grey plastic slab with four legs. The arms prepare your food on the table, you take a bite into it. The flavor is delectable. As your scarf it down the AI clicks on.
"You have five minutes, I'd hurry if I were you."
You get up from your meal and go to your closet, a small empty room.
"I want something formal, we have anything like that?"
A rack of clothing as you requested springs forth from the floor, you look over and grab what you wanted, a long sleeve and cargo pants. You slip them on and grab your holo-ID for work. You then go out of your apartment, ready for work.


Here goes ill try to give constructive crit :)

I think that you do have a talent for story making but you could use some better grammar in some parts. For example Arisen for me would be better as Awoken. Plus you describe what everything is as basic facts which for me distracts from the story your trying to tell. Im also not a huge fan of narration in stories like this i feel it would be better to tell it entirely from a first person perspective or mostly.

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Metaltooth Author

Okay, I just tried a shot int he dark there. Thanks for the constructive crit!

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