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a short story i wrote years ago while avoiding collage work

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The building's outer wall ripped out towards Ray, spraying him with chunks of plaster and rubble.
The panicked cry through the whole squad into chaos. Tracer rounds flicked out of the dust thrown up by the breach, slamming men to the floor all around him. He heard the sergeant call out to him
"Ray! Get on the wide net . We need support"
The netman ran hunched over towards a low wall and slid in to its protection on his side. He grabbed the mike of his netpack
"Sachel 2-4 to Frontal sky Command, over"
"Sachel 2-4 we read you, over""Sachel 2-4 requests anti-plate munitions on grid reference...Dover 3-4-5 Sachel-5-7-6. Eyes on a Reaper, over"
"Acknowledged Sachel 2-4, we have a Sol Gunboat on station. Will require a laze on the target, over"
"Copy that Command, sachel 2-4 out"
Ray dropped the mike to his side and replaced it with his rifle. The dust had clear by now revealing the reaper in all its terrifying glory. The machine stood towering above a man although a man in shape. The multi-barrelled weapon attached to its right limb was spinning at blinding speed, spitting out a hail of high calibre rounds. While the other swung about it, smashing through another wall to grip an alliance soldier in its fingers before crushing him with a whim. Blood splattered across the already deep red fist portrayed on the machines shoulder as a under slung grenade launcher on the fist spat more death in to the hole.

The drone of sky craft engines snapped Ray out of his daze. He fumbled with the switch on his laser designator. His pack sparked into life again
"Sachel 2-4, this is Hammer 3-0 we are on station and in a holding pattern, requesting laze on the target and a friendly beacon, over"
"Hammer 3-0,sachel 2-4 has all received. Stand by"
Pressing another button on the side of his netpack, relaying a beacon that would be picked up by the gunboats targeting computer, ray aimed the designator at the Reaper. Leaving a small red dot on its flank.
"Hammer 3-0, this is sachel 2-4. the target is painted. Bring the rain, over"
Ray heard the roar of the hyper sonic gunboat as it accelerated over the target
"Hotrod deployed, returning to holding pattern, over"
The Anti-plate missile soared down the street at over 300mph slamming into the reaper, ripping it apart with devastating force. Scattering pieces of its plate all over the district.
"Sachel 2-4 to hammer. Confirmed kill, nice shooting over"
"this is hammer 3-0, confirmed, returning to base. Out"

3rd platoon slowly emerged from the ruins around the downed reaper. They started to cheer, even the Sarge risked a grin. Kullen even got on top of the battered shell of the reaper, posing as if he had killed the beast himself. Ray was still cheering right up until the moment his netpack started to talk again. "Sachel 2-4, respond Sachel 2-4"
"This is sachel 2-4, situation resolved, over"
"this is Frontal Sky Command , you have an unknown approaching fast from directly above you. Its descent is slowing but it is still coming in fast, over"
"sergeant, over here sir"
He broke away from the oblivious men and took the offered netpack mike
"this is sachel 2-4 Actual, go ahead over.........what, above us?......well god damn ID it then...."
Ray slowly looked up at the rapidly growing red lights above the city but one bigger than the others was heading straight at him. By the time he realised this he only just had time to call out
"take cover !"
Before the ground split sending him flying back against a pillar and he blacked out.

Ray was dimly aware of the sound and sight returning to him. the street was in flames and a large metallic object was sitting in a crater right where his platoon had been celebrating mangle corpses were all that remained. he could feel the blood running from his sever head wound and one of his legs were bend at a un-natural angle. Ray rolled over on his front and started to crawl away from the devastation.He made it twenty yards before heavy footsteps cause him to rolled back over to gaze at the crater. Fear ripped through his broken body.

Large panels on the object had folded down and close to a dozen heavily plated aliens had emerged, they looked human but in iron shells and they towered seven or eight foot tall. One started to advance on him fixing the stare of the almost face like helmet on him. It stopped short of him, raising a large object its hand which he realised must be a weapon. Rays vision started to fade, the blood loss was starting to take effect. But just then he saw movement behind the invader.
The sergeant yelled at the top of his voice as he charged the alien. He swung his eight inch bayonet in his right hand, thrusting it at the breastplate. The blade slid across the plate, not even scratching it. The enemy responded by backhanding the sergeant with its crimson fist, breaking bone and sending the soldier to the floor . Ray was fading fast and he only saw the alien turn from him to face the other sprawling human as darkness once again took him.A blinding pain ripped him back to his senses. The armoured boot pressed harder onto his chest and he felt bone break. He cried out in pain as the space marine lowered his bolter as said as a battle cry
"We will bring this world into the emperors light. For the Emperor!"
The muzzle flashed and the last of 3rd platoon was extinguished


The story is bloody awesome, i want more :D. But i am little confused. Who were these guys ??? First i thought they were Imperial Guard but why would Space Marines kill Imperial Guardsmen. I must be wrong.

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davo001 Author

it was ment to be from the view of just some random world found by the imperium. but they refused recognise the emperor as their god/leader and decided to fight.

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I get it, thanks. When will you have another story for us :P?

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davo001 Author

ive got another story on my laptop or portable harddrive or somewhere, ill try to find it

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Awesome, can't wait. You got talent :P

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Wow man, that was really REALLY GOOD. i mean REALLY REALLY GOOD!
I myself love 40k stories from perspective's not normally told, and this ranks as one of the best, if not the BEST. No joke.

My only complaints/gripes with your story is mickey mouse BS, like spelling and... ya that's basically it. You got the right words in there, just their not that right form of the words, like "mike" i think you mean like microphone, or "mic". but THATS REALLY IT! no sentence structure stuff, or any of that. The text doesn't feel cheap, or a copy, and is really refreshing after ready so many like writers from the black library. Im reading "Redemption Corps" right now, and man, i really need to dig in hard to read this. I have no idea how this got published... g'dam... in-fact i think were it not for the author being a employee of Games Workshop before writing, i honestly don't know if it would've been published, so its really welcome for me to read this (your story XD)

The Black Library has their open submission window open, though not for more than a month or two i think, YOU SHOULD SUBMIT THIS AS A SHORT STORY!!
the info for it is on the homepage o this group.
really man, i think this has what it would take, though im no published author or anything, i submitted myself, and hope to hear good news just like any another writer XD
I've kinda come to the conclusion that if any of us trying to get published by the Black Library (or actually any Sci-fi/fantasy publisher for that matter) that it MAY be a good idea to get your name out there in some Short Story books first, before they have enough trust in you to publish a novel. So ya... just my two cents.


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davo001 Author

thanks for the feedback, i'm glad you liked it.
Spelling has never been my strong suit but MSword saves me from the worst of it :)

i have had a look at the black library submission Criteria previously this year. this story is a few hundred words too short.
plus i just write for fun, whenever one of my daydreams seems cool i just type it up and see how it goes.

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well don't stop man, you really have some talent. that is a for sure.

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oh btw, i send a message to the black library, and they literally said the word count is not what makes of breaks submissions, in fact they said (which is obvious now that i think about it :/ ) they accept more so on submission qualities rather than if the story's STRICTLY follow their guidelines, so they won't care as long as you got quality, and you do. I say DO IT... but its closed now, so wait till the next open submission!!!!

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