Zombie types:
So…
Let's say you're walking along minding your own damn business one
night when suddenly out of nowhere, a Zombie pops out and has the
audacity to try to assault you. What is it you are supposed to do in
this situation? You could run but how do you know for how long, where to
and how fast? You could fight but how do you know what to fight with,
where to strike and how hard? You could plead but how would you know if
this Zombie has the capacity to understand what you are saying? You
could play dead but then you’d just get killed.
Unfortunately there is no single answer to this question as there
are many different kinds of Zombies with just as many different methods
of dealing with them. There are several varieties of the typical garden
variety zombie,
depending on what caused the people to become zombies, they may show
different varieties of physical and mental strength, and naturally, the
tactics used to fight each variant differ accordingly.
That is why we
have comprised this list of the different kinds of Zombies you are
likely to come across in your day to day life. With this handy list you
will be able to immediately spot the kind of Zombies you are against and
how to act consequently.
Anti Jib Zombie, Peanut Jib Zombie , Poison And Semi-Rage Jib Zombie & Tank Zombi:
These are Nearly Impossible to Kill. While they still just go in a
straight line towards you, They Arm Themselves With A Cardboard Box of
Peanuts, With A Recoil Pad (Which Is A Small Seismograph), An improved
Scope with technology to the second power, A Trigger, And either 1, 2 or
3 barrels. (It's Supposed To Be A Kind Of Gun, anyway.) When they
Shoot, Dodge The Peanuts. Shoot Back And Hopefully They Die. But They
Seem To Have Shields, Don't Shoot. Instead, Throw A Grenade. When It
Explodes, They Reflect It, So Run, But They'll catch Up To You Anyway.
Then, Pick Up A Devastated Zombie's Gun.
They'll Put Up Their Shot-Up Shields, Then You Can Shoot It, especially
When You Pick Up An Unused Gun (25% Chance You Will Get One) And Fire.
They Are Sometimes Seen In Poorly Built Medium Sized Metal Box
Helicopters, Or Poorly Built Cardboard Box Helicopters (Both Kinds Of
Boxes Are Fueled By Soda cans Containing energy, Which Are Exposed So
You Can Easily Destroy It), Shooting At You. Shoot The Boxes, And
They'll Fall Into The Ground, Killing some zombies nearby.
(And their scopes are undeniably powerful,like the hades' rifle, And
it's so improved, Noobs can't figure it out.plus, since their guns are
gauss-like,and can penetrate up to Over 9000
targets,tearing through the brain of the 1st target, making it a meal
for them and zombies, so you are fucked either way.)
Trying to outrun Fast-Dumb Zombies is almost a surefire way of being
killed as not only are these Zombies able to run at superhuman speeds
but they have unlimited stamina. So even if you managed to run fast
enough not to get caught the moment you run out of puff you are a goner.
Anti-Jib zombies tend to gather in ever-growing swarms around whomever
they are attacking, so don't ever be lulled into a false sense of
security thinking there are only a few.
The Box Helicopter's Propellers Are Made Out Of Either Thin Slabs Of
Balsa Wood Or Tungsten.
The best way to slaughter these muthas is an angry black man with a shotgun. Failing that, a nuclear weapon
will suffice. Another Way To Kill It Is Shoot The Power Source Of The
Helicopter It's Using, or hit it with a grappling hook, climb up,
slaughter the driver in the poorly built helicopter And Hijack It, But
Beware The Others.
up and Kill the Pilot of the Bad Heli. Then, You Go On To The Next
Zombie Type.
If you see one of these zombies, you're fucked. Unless you're happening
to water your daisies in your garden at the time, then just spray them
with the hose, it only makes sense and is the polite thing to do.The
Tank Zombie is a big Zombie that will run you down and kill you.project
237 is a powerful one, who uses the smashing box of -----
which fires about thirty peanuts per second.oh, and they also made
revolvers called "the deadlier box of peanuts".beware, these undead
henchmen has made a semi-automatic rifle made out of plastic,and made
magazines for it. it is called "box of peanuts squared". so, run away!
or just fire a bazooka at them. they'll know either way.
Slow-Dumb Zombie:
Possibly the most common and wellknown variety of zombie, as well as
the easiest to defeat. They are unable to move quickly, and are not
smart enough to do anything other than walk (well, shamble) towards the
nearest human they can detect. What causes these zombies to form is
disputed but leading authorities in zombification literature believe
that it is caused by zombie monkeys and what causes them is unknown.
Most of the time you could survive an attack by them simply by walking
away somewhat quickly. The only time you may really need to destroy
these zombies is if you are really bored. Unfortunately, somehow the
rest of the world is so stupid that by the end of the movie there will
be an overwhelming number of these things trying to get into your safe
house and your only hope is an impromptu rescue by the surviving members
of the Jesus Society of Free Love.
These Zombies are ridiculously easy to defeat. How they manage to
take over the world in the "Dead" series we will never know. Even
though they can only be killed with damage to their brain, all you have
to do is walk up to it and shoot it in the face at point blank range,
and unless it somehow takes you more then a minute to do that, the
zombie can not possibly have time to get you. If you don't have a gun,
some kind of blade, pointy object or even a blunt cudgel of some kind
will just as easily suffice. Hell, you could punch one of these zombies
to death if you really wanted too. And if it does take you more
than a minute to merely lift your arm and pull the trigger odds are you
are probably a Slow-Dumb zombie too. A bite from one of these zombies
will take hours if not all day to change you into a zombie giving you
plenty of time to see a doctor and/or seek your revenge on the Zombie that bit you.
The best weapon for combating this breed of pesky and totally
retarded undead is anything which has comedy value, i.e.
Pump-action-frying-pan, the pope's flower pot (the plant being fed on
holy water will cause some sort of fun effect), hiring a samurai to beat
the zombies to death with a fish, lawnmower with spray tube... and so
on. The US army has been training for the zombie apocalypse by using the ultra realistic zombie apocalypse simulator Dead Rising, a civilian simulator titled Left 4 Dead is also available.
Fast-Dumb Zombie:
These are somewhat trickier. While they still just go in a straight
line towards you they are able to run like fucking tri-athletes. These
zombies are caused by what scientists call, "Mysterious Forces" that
randomly beset people and cause them to desire eating human flesh
(especially Brains.) But they are as dumb as the Slow-Dumb zombie, and doing something like shutting a door in front of them will baffle them.
Trying to outrun Fast-Dumb Zombies is almost a sure fire way of
being killed as not only are these Zombies able to run at superhuman
speeds but they have unlimited stamina. So even if you managed to run
fast enough not to get caught the moment you run out of puff you are a goner.
Fast-Dumb Zombies tend to gather in ever-growing swarms around whomever
they are attacking, so don't ever be lulled into a false sense of
security thinking there are only a few.
To defeat zombies such as this, it is best to get to a high
place, block any easy entrances, and start chucking solid projectiles
such as rocks. When you run out of rocks, break out a semi-automatic of
some sort.
The best way to slaughter these muthas is an angry black man with a shotgun. Failing that, a nuclear weapon will suffice.
See the documentary, "Dawn of the Dead" for information on this type of zombie.
Student zombie:
This type of zombie is one of the more dangerous ones, seeing as they
have acquired a great amount of knowledge through extra curricular
activities, such as reading. What this means for you survival is simple:
Stay away, they will find methods of MacGyvering your ass! Given half a
chance they can make everything from coffee (which is another thing
they crave in addition to brains) to deadly weapons given a bag of peas.
Ways of dealing with this kind of zombie:
1. Do not expect to be able to run away (seeing as they are starving and
you have two things they want, coffee and a brain, they will go after
you in a close to light speed)
2. As to counter point 1. you should always carry at least one of the
two things they want in order to act as bait, carrying a spare brain
might cause unwanted attention to yourself so I'd suggest a lot of
coffee would be the way to go.
3. If all else fails as a last resort you could try throwing books,
these zombies are notorious for their knowledge and who knows they might
just sit down and read some (if you're lucky).
Slow-Smart zombie:
These zombies are unable to move quickly but are smart enough to use
weapons and hide in wait until you are vulnerable to attack. No matter
how many times you get away they always seem to find you again. These
zombies can be really tricky. These zombies are created by hellspawn
that crawl out of portals that open up when you touch yourself at night,
and the punishment is dire indeed. For a good idea of how to deal with
these zombies, see the fine computer simulation, "Doom".
These Zombies are undead humans who have been turned into
brain-dead killing machines by the demons. These zombies are found in
various forms, ranging from former civilians to soldiers to even some
24th chromosome bullshit that was just made up for the movie and had
nothing to do with the original games.
To slay these zombies, you first need the blue key card...oh,
just get that black guy, or a hazmat team, or both. Actually, screw the
team. Grab a Big Fucking Gun and blow the crap out of the shadows. Alternately, it is also possible to obtain a sample of the zombie disease in question and turn into one of the fuckers. Then you can really whip their asses in style.
Fast-Smart zombie:
These zombies are a bunch of pricks. Although they are the rarest
kind of zombie, the destruction and death they cause is complete.
These zombies are much harder to kill in melee combat than the
other types. Getting up high won't always stop these buggers either -
apparently zombie viruses can work wonders for vertigo, obesity and lack
of coordination. They might climb up after you, so remember to have an
exit strategy - otherwise, plan on being an undead abomination. No
matter how fast you run, they always seem to catch up.
Your best bet is to get a gun and start going for point-blank
range shots. Do not worry about your inexperience with firearms; during
most zombie outbreaks, the guys that know how to handle guns, always
seem to die rather quickly. So it is best that you don't know how to
handle a weapon. All survivors have the innate ability to handle guns
with no problem.
However, if your town is besieged by an entire horde of
fast-smart zombies, you may consider using your gun to kill yourself.
But if you have a nuke, you can splatter these zombies quite well. If
you don't have a nuke, you can actually trick the zombies effectively
enough by forging a piece of government legislation that says you do.
The most known case of a Fast-Smart zombie was in Day of the Dead.
"Oh shit" zombie:
As depicted in the Return of the Living Dead documentaries and Pirates of the Caribbean,
these zombies are impervious to just about everything. Damaging the
brain won't slow them down at all. Decapitating them just means you now
have a zombie head and a zombie body both coming after you. They
also seem to posses a certain level of intelligence and a variety of
speeds. Some are even able to cooperate with each other, make plans, and
talk.
While burning them destroys the zombies themselves, it may also
guarantee that the ashes will infect something else and make them into a
zombie. This is known as Zombie Pollen.
The first type of this Zombie from the Return of the Living Dead
documentaries are caused when a bumbling pair of employees at a medical
supply warehouse accidentally released a deadly gas into the air, which
vapors caused the dead to re-animate as they went on a rampage through
Louisville, Kentucky seeking their favorite food, brains. That is one of
the main difference is that the zombies feed specifically on human
brains, this is because eating brains stops the pain of being dead, for a
little while at least.
The second type of these Zombies are just Pirates. So imagine all the awesomeness and total bad assery of your average Pirate, but combine that with the fact that these Pirates can't be killed, except for by ninjas.
If these type of zombies are encountered...well, you're screwed. Nice knowing ya'.
Things:
Things are created by parasitic viruses originally made for
the military. They are referred to as that name because they are
difficult to distinguish what they actually are, and commonly called Things
by a minor character that is about to die in five seconds who says
"What are these things?!" Whether it be a Tyrant, Uruboros, or a
Necromorph, Things are Things and have no specific
classification due to their broad amount of varieties other then what
their previous lifeforms may have been before infection.
Things are extremely pissed off and one glimpse of them
will cause you to diarrhea your pants. They are quite resiliant and can
survive extreme amounts of damage. Though they are tough all-around,
they usually have glowing weak spots that bleed when you shoot them.
Some will also die when you shoot their appendages off with power tools,
but can survive without a head. Shooting one with an RPG will usually
kill it in a single shot to the weak spot. Things are pretty damn
stupid and have animal-like instincts. They are one of the few zombie
types that actually want to kill you just because they feel like it
rather than eating you for breakfast. Their insane-o claws, tentacles,
and glaives are usually tougher than steel and can rip you to shreds.
Some are even known to regenerate their appendages.
There is no real away to defend yourself from these horrible abominations. You can run, but you can't hide.
hiding will just get you killed because they can crawl through the
ducts and they will find you. lol Just kidding, running is no better
because they are usually faster than Usain Bolt and have unlimited
stamina points. Even in a sealed room that is seemingly safe, they can
bust down the door faster than you can say "I'm safe". Your best bet is
to use offense and not be afraid. Bring guns, lots of guns and power
tools. And when the going gets rough, burn them with fire since that's
their weakness. Also, hiding in space is not an option.
In conclusion, pack diapers and barf bags, this is not going to
be a pretty fight if you desire to bag one of these bad boys. You are
the stuff of legends if you can take on a Thing without fear. Maybe one day you will have a Thing as a centerpiece in your living room for all your amused guests to enjoy showing that you are such a badass.
Vampire-zombies:
Conclusive internal reports from the FDA, the CIA and indicates that a
sub-group of zombie/vampire hybrid was developed by some disturbed
scientist located somewhere in a trailer park in Texas. Not much is
known on this particularly weird and dangerous form of zombies, except
that it is known to be constantly looking for "bloooooooood" instead of
"braaaaiiiiiins". The very idea of what a vampire zombie would be like
has generated such confusion within both the zombie and vampire hunting
communities that most hunters have decided to just get a life (and a
real job).
Zombie-vampires:
Not to be confused with the infamous vampire-zombie hybrids. Actually
just vampires who are in constant need to eat brains instead of
drinking blood. Also if you see one you should soil yourself and run
like hell, because if you think a normal zombie or a normal vampire was
scary, try to fight a hybrid -- you will not do any damage to it for it
can heal as fast as it wants to......
S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Zombie:
S.T.A.L.K.E.R. zombies are probably the weakest zombies to be
encountered on Earth, Mars and Alpha Centauri, they are technically
living yet managed to convince the zombie government to pass immigration
reforms allowing them full citizenship, as such zombies do not eat them
anymore.
However, these zombies are slightly smarter, they fire guns at you and
moan in Russian, also they try to steal your vodka, which is ironic
because vodka kills them. It is not understood how the blood of Russians
can kill Russian zombies but it's supposed that perhaps Oprah Winfrey
gave them a blood transfusion. That or AIDS.
S.T.A.L.K.E.R. zombies are created by the radio channel of Keith
Richards, constantly being played repeatedly by a transmitter which
sends it straight into your BRAIN so you can't stop listening to it.
Eventually you'll go insane and turn into one of Keith Richards
clones....
Due to the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. zombies high radioactivity it's not advised to
go near it for point blank range, unless you're Dick Cheney as they
both eat radiation for lunch. The good thing about these zombies is that
they conveniently carry weapons and ammunition as well as medical kits,
porno mags and stolen vodka which means you can go forever killing them
without really worrying. (If you are a Russian then you are technically
a vampire because you need vodka to survive, if not YOU'RE NOT RUSSIAN)
If you see a S.T.A.L.K.E.R. zombie controlled by a controller (see
Ophrah Winfrey) then your fucked, the controller will turn your monitor
into a dialysis machine and make your speakers sound like they are
reciting the bible backwards. Eventually you'll be forced to shoot
yourself, oh well.
S.T.A.L.K.E.R. zombies are probably the weakest zombies to be
encountered on Earth, Mars and Alpha Centauri, they are technically
living yet managed to convince the zombie government to pass immigration
reforms allowing them full citizenship, as such zombies do not eat them
anymore.
However, these zombies are slightly smarter, they fire guns at you and
moan in Russian, also they try to steal your vodka, which is ironic
because vodka kills them. It is not understood how the blood of Russians
can kill Russian zombies but it's supposed that perhaps Oprah Winfrey
gave them a blood transfusion. That or AIDS.
S.T.A.L.K.E.R. zombies are created by the radio channel of Keith
Richards, constantly being played repeatedly by a transmitter which
sends it straight into your BRAIN so you can't stop listening to it.
Eventually you'll go insane and turn into one of Keith Richards
clones....
Due to the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. zombies high radioactivity it's not advised to
go near it for point blank range, unless you're Dick Cheney as they
both eat radiation for lunch. The good thing about these zombies is that
they conveniently carry weapons and ammunition as well as medical kits,
porno mags and stolen vodka which means you can go forever killing them
without really worrying. (If you are a Russian then you are technically
a vampire because you need vodka to survive, if not YOU'RE NOT RUSSIAN)
If you see a S.T.A.L.K.E.R. zombie controlled by a controller (see
Ophrah Winfrey) then your fucked, the controller will turn your monitor
into a dialysis machine and make your speakers sound like they are
reciting the bible backwards. Eventually you'll be forced to shoot
yourself, oh well.
Rage Zombie(Super-Pissed Off-Fast-Zombies-That-Will-Rip-Off-Your-Face-Rather-Than-Eat-You):
There has always been a great deal of debate about whether this
particular species of zombie is just a variant fast-smart zombie, or
whether in fact they are zombies at all. However, these debates are
usually quashed by a quick line on how "Just 'coz they look the same,
doesn't mean they ARE the same, you goddamned racist!" Strictly
speaking, they are not zombies perse, but are still under the same
classification for convenience. These zombies were created in 2002 by
the scientist Dr. Danny Boyle; they are in fact humans who were exposed
to a virus that fills them with murderous rage, inciting them to kill
every living thing in the most brutal way you can imagine (but like all
other types of zombies, not each other, I never understood that, like
they all starve to death because they kill everything that's moving
except for each other, why don't they eat each other then, oh yeah,
they're too pissed off, and anyway let's not get side-tracked here, back
to the main topic!). So basically, they possess the same
characteristics as a regular human, except they are really, really pissed off.
Because they are still basically human, the Rage zombies can
still run fast and climb walls. They cannot, however, eat stuff,
presumably because they're just too damn pissed to eat. Therefore, the
main cause of death in "Rage" zombies is starvation. Killing them can be
done in the same way as killing a normal human, except these zombies
will be a bit more pissed when they die.
Aside from the fast running, wall vaulting, tendency to pack
together, and the obligatory hissing, groaning, and ripping things to
shreds with their bare hands and teeth (as if that weren't
identification enough), all "Rage" zombies have glowing red eyes. You
can primarily become one if you are bitten by one, or if their blood
mixes with yours. They have the ability to vomit blood which makes them
particularly contagious. Becoming one will only take 28 seconds, so if
you see someone get bitten, kill them while it is still easy to do so.
Fighting
these zombies is a little more complicated then the other zombies. For
the other zombies, you either just fought them or ran, but these zombies
require more technique. Because these zombies are created by a highly
contagious virus(much worse then chickenpox) maintaining quarantine and sanitary conditions is of uttermost priority. Do not get near them, lest ye be exposed to infection! Attack these zombies from a safe distance, preferably while wearing biohazard suits, burn the bodies, and maintain quarantine at all costs!
So a little piece of advice, these pricks are most commonly found in
groups ranging from big to small, they are so scary you'll end up
shitting yourself trying to get away, like a large group of Rage zombies
could kill a grue, 'cuz they're so pissed, so in the case you run into
some,...RUN TO THE WOODS MOTHER FUCKER! RUN TO THE FUCKING WOODS YOU
CUNT!!!
For more information on "Rage" zombies, seek out the docu-drama "28 Days/28 Weeks Later".
Slither Zombie:
First found normally peaceful town of Wheelsy, they are alien worms
that come from space hidden in meteorites, and take one person and turn
em into zombie king and he makes a fat person and they explode and he
uses the worms from them to make more zombies! Confused? Yeah, so are
we.
These creatures are only concerned with its domination of the
planet it is located at and the increase of its numbers, so it is
therefore advisable that you don't let them do this. Despite their near
animalistic qualities, the creature is quite intelligent and capable of
developing tactics. But whether this was a quality it developed from its
hosts that it consumed or a natural aspect is unknown. It is
interesting to note that the original behaviours of the host are adopted
by the prime host and therefore adopted by the parasites themselves.
Strong emotions like love to an individual can dominate the alien DNA
and impart a sense of protection to those the parasites hosts loved.
However, if faced with the possibility of destruction, then the creature
will violently attempt to destroy any threats to its well being. It is
advisable, to play it safe and not get emotionally attached to this
zombie. Just because it looks like your old husband, and says it loves
you like he did, doesn't mean he isn't going to try and worm you in the
face.
The creatures seem to use the tactic of numbers to overpower and
overwhelm the host species without using advanced forms of weaponry but
natural qualities. Infected hosts that develop into zombies also attempt
to use their personal connections such as friendships as well as family
relationships to trick the hosts into cooperating. Despite this, the
creatures seem to have a fear towards flame based forms of attack,
possibly because these are perhaps the only true form of attack that can
possibly destroy the parasites. Even if the 'zombie' hosts are
decapitated, the parasite inside can survive, leave the host and attempt
to infect a new host.
The creatures are all subservient to the prime host which they
protect at all costs, mainly because its death spell their deaths due to
a unique mental hive-mind link. A nest is developed with a chamber
devoted to the prime host, a chamber for the incubators and a chamber
where food is stored. Around this nest, the zombie's attempt to defend
that territory while others go out to hunt and gather.
For more information, seek out the mockumentry Slither.
Dark Seeker Zombie:
These zombies are the byproduct of a known cure for cancer which backfired in 2009,
killing roughly almost all the human population and rendering the rest
as Infected. These zombies are by far the most realistic of all. Things
to consider are:
Their Strength and Speed: 10x that of a normal human.
Average Heartrate: about 4,000,000
Average Body Temperature: around 100-105 degrees Celsius
Average car driving skills: near 0%
Weaknesses: any type of firearm will kill them; blood of the Immune,
LIGHT, Will Smith (this has yet to be confirmed), Charlton Heston
(confirmed in 1971), two girls and one cup (confirmed yesterday), and
Grues (never confirmed, never will be confirmed)
For more information view the future historical record I Am Legend,
which is of course the historically correct version of "The Last Man On
Earth", a movie starring the real-life last-man-on-Earth, Vincent Price
and his lovely assistant Hulga Murloch. That its all, if you want to see the images of the zombies, go to the page of "zombie types":http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Zombie_Types
XD
That was a nice read good work!