Post news Report article RSS Feed The Beard Ultimatum

Click inside to experience John's beard ultimatum.

Posted by jeffr on Nov 3rd, 2010

If you're new to Wolfire, you might not have heard about the scraggly undergrowth I've accumulated beneath my chin in honor of Overgrowth. When we were first starting work on Overgrowth, I made a vow not to shave my beard beard until the foundation of our game's combat system was implemented.

Over the course of our development cycle, it feels like the beard has taken on a personality of its own on the Wolfire forums and in some of our promotions.

The beard's fate has hinged on the following features:

  • Rabbot tuning into a real rabbit
  • Ragdoll collisions making sounds and creating dust particle effects
  • Attack animations triggering seamless transitions from animated characters to ragdolled ones

Now that all these features are in, the beard's day of reckoning has finally come! Don't be afraid, watch the video below...

Be sure to watch it in HD!

In two week's time, I will be shaving my beard. What else ends up happening while I'm at the barber will be determined by you guys.

If we can bring the Wolfire Games YouTube channel to over 5,000 subscribers in the next two weeks, Jeff will help me live-stream the shaving of the beard. If we can get to over 7,500 YouTube subscribers, I will shave my head entirely along with the beard. If we can break 10,000 YouTube subscribers in 2 weeks then I will shave the beard and let the community vote on what should happen to my hair style. You can track the progress of the promotion on our official beard page!

It's going to feel pretty weird to be sans beard. I'm confident that my friends and family will not be able to recognize me for a while. When I go outside people will no longer shout with glee "Hey look, it's Zach Galifianakis!" or accuse me of being a hippie pirate. I also have the suspicion that by now my face might have some strange beard-induced tan lines.

I'm honestly a little worried though because I feel like the beard has given me some super powers. For example, when most people eat food, all the fallen crumbs from their meal get completely wasted. With a beard, these micro morsels are automatically collected and saved for later consumption. Beards are also great protection from cooties. I'd estimate the beard can scare women away from ranges of up to 20 yards. I also suspect the beard has drastically decreased my odds of getting mugged. After all, who wants to mess with a guy that already looks homeless?

Wolfire Beard Site
Check out the beard page!

Last but not least I'm quite confident that my beard contributed to the San Francisco Giants winning the World Series last night. Most people only grow a "playoff beard" for a measly few weeks but I had the foresight to grow mine for 2 years. Take a look at the closing pitcher who sealed the final victory for the Giants, Bryan Wilson, and try to tell me that beard power had nothing to do with it. I just hope that my life in the post beard era will in no way resemble the story of Samson.

Can anyone recommend a straight-razor barber in the San Francisco bay area who has wireless internet? If not I might have to try to get my hands on the Spishack Mach 20.

A special thanks to Jo Shadow for helping us Photoshop some kilted beardmen onto the site. Please tell your friends to subscribe to our YouTube channel and check out the official beard promotion page!

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Post comment Comments
Hell_Diguner Nov 3 2010, 10:03pm says:

That's... kinda disturbing. 8-l

+1 subscriber ;P

+11 votes     reply to comment
jjawinte Nov 3 2010, 10:03pm says:

Well that's certainly going to make for a fine show. problem ! Why don't you just display the teams deep trust and respect for one another ( and yourself ) by letting them fight it out for the prize of shaving you themselves ? That would surely make an awesome video !

+11 votes     reply to comment
Verendus Nov 4 2010, 12:11am says:

LOL, awesome beard dude.

+2 votes     reply to comment
VasQuarde Nov 4 2010, 12:59am says:

I think I might pre-order this game for this article alone.... Beyond epic.

+4 votes     reply to comment
Jonu Nov 4 2010, 1:47am says:

Next thing you are gonna implement is "MULLET TIME"!

+5 votes     reply to comment
Squeebo Nov 4 2010, 1:51am says:


+2 votes     reply to comment
IAspYrI Nov 4 2010, 2:56am says:

vanilla ice high top

+2 votes     reply to comment
Herr_Alien Nov 4 2010, 3:59am says:

Gah! I am subscribed to their channel already ...

+4 votes     reply to comment
_dhk_ Nov 4 2010, 4:48am says:

Strange way of advertising... :\

+3 votes     reply to comment
Guessmyname Nov 4 2010, 6:34am replied:

Strange but excellent.

Any chance of the Beard Song being released separately by the way?

-1 votes     reply to comment
PierreOfTheFrench Nov 4 2010, 12:15pm replied:

It's a bit of an inside joke, the beard is worshiped over @ :P

+1 vote     reply to comment
hannibaldinski Nov 4 2010, 4:51am says:

Looking great mate :) You got my vote!

+2 votes     reply to comment
Doyle_138 Nov 4 2010, 5:11am says:

maybe he looked pedophile beards one time to much, too :D

+3 votes     reply to comment
INtense! Staff
INtense! Nov 4 2010, 6:23am says:

i've subscribed...

+3 votes   reply to comment
jjawinte Nov 4 2010, 6:36am says:

Damn man, nearly 4800 already ! It's gonna be cold outside buddy - don't forget a hat. ;)

+2 votes     reply to comment
Mik0112 Nov 4 2010, 6:47am says:

I'm so voting for a mullet or a mohawk.

+2 votes     reply to comment
[Q]uik Nov 4 2010, 8:13am says:

damnit! iam already subscribed


+2 votes     reply to comment
Leon_Kilean Nov 4 2010, 8:38am says:

Sell the beard on eBay.

+4 votes     reply to comment
Un_dead Nov 4 2010, 8:57am says:


+2 votes     reply to comment
hogsy Nov 4 2010, 10:21am says:


+1 vote     reply to comment
Famouz Nov 4 2010, 11:17am says:

100.000 Full-body wax... live stream?

Are you serious oO

+1 vote     reply to comment
pvt.Johnson Nov 4 2010, 2:29pm says:

Donate the beard to locks of love!

+1 vote     reply to comment
AnarchyDom Nov 4 2010, 3:52pm says:

Looks like his beard is... overgrown.

+6 votes     reply to comment
Piuneer Nov 4 2010, 5:43pm replied:


+1 vote     reply to comment
Silverfisk Nov 4 2010, 5:21pm says:

It just passed 5k! Live stream confirmed! :D

+1 vote     reply to comment
NGS616 Nov 4 2010, 6:04pm says:

I just shaved mine Sunday! :( It was beastly!

+1 vote     reply to comment
Necromunger Nov 5 2010, 7:50am says:

This guy looks like some of the characters he has created.

+1 vote     reply to comment
Bird_of_Prey Nov 5 2010, 1:17pm says:

I subscribed about a week ago. Now I want to do it again. :D

+1 vote     reply to comment
FuriousChad Nov 5 2010, 2:46pm says:

Subscribed! Excellent promotion to get Overgrowth, and ultimately Wolfire games' name out.

+1 vote     reply to comment
vinesh Nov 6 2010, 6:18pm says:

will this game be for mac?

+1 vote     reply to comment
jeffr Author
jeffr Nov 7 2010, 9:00pm replied:

Yup, it already is

+1 vote   reply to comment
Scorpionov Nov 9 2010, 12:01am says:

excellent so far keep it up guys!!

+1 vote     reply to comment
PlasticRobot Nov 17 2010, 1:59am says:

Pre-ordered this game yesterday, Wolfire you guys are awesome ;D

+1 vote     reply to comment
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