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Disclaimer: Explicit content, required for understanding the perks of being creative.
Hello, modders and welcome to my quick guide to how to call your half life Mod a "Mod" and get into the Half Life Modding community, where you can prove your creativity and express your experiences and get fans and girls with fidget spinners and other crap... Here are steps and tips on how It's done, I'll try and be as descriptive and detailed as possible.
1. Think of a funny name that will make mature and serious kids like you pee their pampers of laughter at such humorous never before seen invention. Think about internet slangs, combine them with classic insults and your weewee, look at it and think of a more mature way to call it instead of wittwe weewee. Put the result on a paper with your half eaten crayon you almost choked on in kindergarten and worried your parents sick congrats you monster they hate you even more. Now, that you got one part of the name (Let me give you an example, this will be funny hurhurhur lmfeo "Penis Gay") Congratulations, you have mastered creativity, but, that is not all, you need to convince your viewers that it is a Half Life Mod. Where is the term Half Life? Think of a known term used in it, simple, for example, Black Mesa, we can get one word out of it and finally name our mod for example "Penis Gay Mesa"! Congratulamatations!! You have proven yourself to become a Half Life modder! Just look at the creativity and hype in that title, I can't wait for you to release it, I believe in you, onto the next step!
2. Think of a story! What should Dr. Gordon Freeman PhD. do? We probably wouldn't make him hunt aliens and save the world, that is overused and boring, improvise! How about we give him transexual vortigaunts, mentally challenged personnel that hate him but want his Hitler babies and give him sexual weapons and internet insults, yesh! Improvise! You need your own story, you need to make it interesting and give your players canc...I mean a wonderful experience! Now that you have made a storyline, shall we go to the next step?
3. Modelers and Mappers are stupid, haha right? They waste their time, laugh at them, they are the stupidest ever, I mean come on... Sven Who? They What? Brutal When? Lame af kekmao, what we are going to do is copy the whole valve folder rename it to penisgaymesa and start from there... to show that we are creative and define what a modeler is, all we need is Windows 98 MS Paint, Jed's Half Life Model Viewer, a 1963 microphone and Audacity. After you are all set, we can begin, it is pretty easy and takes less than 0.5 seconds to do. Take the models and retexture them to how a high person with gingivitis sees vodka under a microscope, scribble pen15es, bad words, diseases over them and voila, high quality content. After mastering the models, move on to the sounds. Take your microphone, deepthroat it then yell funny stuff like "venis, pagina, phagget, burp sound, noise music superstar". Download Dank Memes and extract sound from them you can use in your mod. We are done! Congratulations, your mod should now be ready to make it online for people to download. If not, then back to step 1.
4. But we are not 100% done here, we must know how a professional submits high quality content online. Put the folder into a zip archive, upload it, make the title of your mod page the same as your mod's name. Penis Gay Mesa will be shown on the mod browser. The picture can be anything, I would strongly advise to you kil.. I mean take a default Half Life 1 image then scribble the name with your free hand in MS Paint. Congratulations, aut.. I mean modder, you've mastered Half Life Modding and can now get 100000000 players and be happy with your work.
5. You are done. The Mod is ready, wait for players, feedback and 10/10 votes, I believe in you. Welcome to the HL Modding Team. You can now shrivel up and die.
Obviously this is a mofing joke. I'm just summing the compilation of messup mods that should be banned from existence into The Devil's outergalactic pit of hell.
Although I do have actual tips on modding HL, but might post it some other time for fellow modders.
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