Feel free to add any in the comments, I'll update it.
Suicide: Rage Quit (Stalker)
Death of natural causes: Round ended (Stalker)
Killed by another person: Killed by another player (Stalker)
Death from being crushed or failling: Worldspawn/Pointhurt (Stalker)
Birth: Respawn (Stalker)
Post-Death: Spectating (Stalker)
Living: In-Game (Stalker)
Disease/Bodily Problems: Lag (A.K.A. Close to disconnecting?) (Stalker)
Last moments in life: Connection Error (Stalker)
Murder: Kicked/Banned From T3h CVAR (Stalker)
Sick: Corrupted File(s) (Stalker)
Sex (Whoa! That's actually included?!): Leveling Up (Stalker)
Day/ Nightime: Map Transition (Stalker)
Heaven: Admin Control (Stalker)
Hell: Blue Screen (Stalker)
Getting A Girlfriend: New Item Aquired (MahtXL)
Getting Dumped: Item Lost (Maht XL)
Coughing: Ping To High (Maht XL)
Parkour: Left 4 Dead Hunter Wannabe (Stalker)
New Friend: *Name Here* has added you (Stalker)
Party: Group Chat (Stalker)
Music: In-Game Music Player (Maht XL)
End Of The World: Server Shutting Down (Stalker)
Ninja: Spyware (CplRush)
Getting assfucked: Virus (CplRush)
Sneezing: Ping spike (Maht XL)
Sleep: A.F.K. (Maht XL)
AIDS: 4Chan (Gammerman12)
Commercials: In Game Ads (Maht XL)
Thermal Vision: Wall Hacks (Stalker)
Mute: No Microphone (Stalker)
Adrenalin: Speed hacks (CplRush)
Aspirin: PEELZ HERE! (Stalker)
Cripple : Missing Keyboard Keys (CplRush)
Deaf: No Speakers (Maht XL)
Blind: No Monitor (Maht XL)
God: Server Owner (Stalker)
The President: Server Co- Owner (Stalker)
Taking Pictures: Screenshot (Maht XL)
Bullies: Forum Trolls (Stalker)
Noobs: Toddlers (Maht XL)
School Tutorials (AUG Dude)
Bills: Spam (Stalker)
World Population: Number Of Players In Server (Stalker)
Cheque: Challenge Complete (MW2 Reference) (Stalker)
War: Team Death Match (Stalker)
Taking A Dump: Deleting Temporary Files (Maht XL)
Eating Aquiring Temporary Files (Maht XL)
Farting: Cooling Fan Activated (Maht XL)
Running: Shift + W (Mattman Dude)
Walking: Alt + W (Mattman Dude)
Jumping: Space or X (Mattman Dude)
Marriage: Co-op Campaign (zak-attack)
Painting: Reskin (Stalker)
Naked (Oh God, it had to be me...): Nude Patch (Stalker):
Birthday: Rank In Server (Stalker)
E: Very First Real Life + Internet Meme (Stalker)
Yelling: Caps Lock (Stalker)
Purgatory: Will respawn in 5...4...3... (KEVLAR60442)
Ignoring Some One: Mute Microphone (Stalker)
Travelling In An Airline Jet: Fast Travel (Stalker)
Fat: Back Up Files (Stalker)
Muscles: Operating System (TheGilgamesh)
Eugenics: System Upgrades (Stalker)(TheGilgamesh)
Wound Healing: Health Kit ([ªAUGdudeº])
Obesity: Boomer Wannabe ([ªAUGdudeº])
Check-up: Update ([ªAUGdudeº])
Seizure: Framerate Drop (KEVLAR60442)
Plastic Surgery: Changing Player Model (MahtXL)
White Apple Ear Buds: Playing Through A Mac. (Stalker)
April Fools: Rickroll'd (MattmanDude)
Answer To All of Life's Problems: Do a Barrel Roll! (MattmanDude)
Mental Capacity: RAM (Stalker)
Jail: Broken Computer ([ªAUGdudeº])
Ahahaha this is win
Sneezing= Ping spike
Sleep= AFK
Commercials= In game ads
AIDS: 4Chan
Wait whut?
Annoying person= Watching some boxxy
kid with a mic fits more?
Great list ! Very creative.
Only the best! You got any?
u put sleep twice :P
there ya go, good job on fixin tht
Def= Broken speakers
Blind= Broken monitor
Full of food= No more hard drive space
Pooping= Hard drive dump
Eating= installing new program
I got some, but most are pointless...
Annoying : kid with a mic
disturbing: man with femme voice on the mic
war: watching 4 douches fight in a CVAR
Cardiac arrest: WARNING CONNECTION WITH STEAM SERVER LOST <:(
5 seconds of fame: 1st place on a ranked match with a pro challenging with you the 1st place.
Mercy: don't kill nobbies
Reaper:kill all the dudes
Easy:cheats
cheats:WINPS
lol
REAL DEMON ON NUKE RAGE EFFECT!!!!: getting an 25 kill streak on MW 2 MP cvar
cancer:trojan horse V1Ru$
awesome:AUGdatarealms(JUST KIDDING)
death from unknown cause: getting poisoned
rain: :/ SPAM :/
VIP:ADMIN
God:admin
Maker:AdmiN
population tax: number of players.
no entry, restriction: server with password
P00P:n00b1es
earache:Micspam
your guard angel: anti-virus
c'mon stalker, update with the bAst
School:tutorial
shower:update
flu:Worm virus
Scary and stupid:suicide mouse.avi
darkness:salvation
REAL friend:your gun
****...:no ammo
alarm:VIRUS DETECTED!
Scary and stupid:suicide mouse.avi ohh!!!! i remember suicide mouse....I ALWAYS HATED IT! i loved the GMOD suicide mouse suvival guide it was epicness.
ah yes!
dismemberment:no mouse
Raped = Hacked (Unauthorized access. :D)
*********** = Boom! Headshot!
Disabled person from waste down = Camper
Aw, you didn't add mine. I'm sad. :(
EEEEEEEEEEEEEE I'm busy raping in MW2!!!
Military= Clan
SWAT= Guild
Police= Server Admins
Running: Shift + W
Walking: Alt + W
Jumping: Space or X
Buying a Car: DLC
Best I can think of for now lol.
Those are epic.
Pre-school= Tutorial Level
Fetus: Beta
Birthday: Level Up
30th Birthday: V2
Masturbation: Singleplayer
Sex: Co-op
Threesome: Multiplayer
0_0
Nope! Got some of those in there already. And, it can't be straight up sex.
lol okay. I thought those were funny. I actually came up with another one but it was just too crude. Decided against adding it.
(It was also really, really funny lol)
Heh.
Purgatory: Will respawn in 5...4...3...
Haha!
That's epic.
decision: *message: "choose your faction"*
check-up: update
obesity: Boomer wannabe (L4D)
excess: spam (0_O)
wound healing: health-kits :3
maybe those ones are good
Those are good actually.
ive got a idea. dangerous internet weapons:im chargin mah lazor!!!
suicide: ragequit
I have that one already lol.
Of course. Pardon me. Never would've thought to look at the top of the list.
How about, "seizure: framerate drop"
Haha, of course that'll be good.
Uuuuuuuuhh that gotta hurt.
April Fools: Rickroll'd
Aaaaah! That's a good one!
Answer To All of Life's Problems: Do a Barrel Roll!
Mmmm, ok. This thing I'm doing is getting pretty old.
jail: computer broken
death: windows blue screen error
Got both of those. Were running out of ideas!
adopting : renting a game