Videogames. Motherfucking Video Fucking Games.

Blog RSS Feed Report abuse The Last of Us: A Game About Ladders

0 comments by Nerfwaffle on Jul 7th, 2013

Ah, hell, where to begin? I can't say anything bad about this game, not one thing. It seemed to be that videogames in general were slowly degrading, but this has given me hope. 10/10 Narrative and perfectly paced story driven action make this game stand miles and miles above anything released this year possibly last year as well. This is one of the few stories that sticks with you in the survival genre. Much like Cormac McCarthy's THE ROAD, this game follows two protagonists, Joel and Ellen Page (I mean Ellie i know ellen page doesnt actually do her voice), Joel being the father figure much like Viggo Mortensen in The Road (Movie) and Ellie the child figure which you are compelled to care for. Now some people might say this game is just one giant escort mission, which I suppose it is, but it doesnt feel like an escort mission, mostly because Ellie can more than handle herself and much like Bioshock Infinite's Elizabeth, can help you out, though not in as obvious ways. 
The first few acts of the game are a little slower paced which draws you into the action while the latter acts are tense, nerve wracking experiences which leave you sweating and wondering if you have enough ammunition for whatever could by lying in wait around the next corner. There is never a dull moment, unless of course you are one of those cunts who plays cod games in which case you should not only avoid this game you should hang yourself as well. I can't say enough about the story, it's so beautiful you have to see it yourself. The characters in this game are very very well developed and even the side banter between enemies as they scout areas for you as you lurk in the shadows is well thought out.
Music is well performed and fitting to the desolate yet beautiful landscape and the graphics are so stunning you'll find it hard to believe this is running on a ps3. Now stealth is a large part of this game, but never fear, it isn't forced, you can run and gun (though on higher difficulties that'll kill you) provided you have the ammunition and the different bombs and upgrades you can craft lend themselves nicely to this experience.
I think my only complaint is that this game wasn't long enough clocking in at 14 hours makes it a marathon for the games of today, but still i was left wishing there was more even though the story wrapped up nicely, though not as conclusively as I would have liked (here's to hoping for a spin off in the same universe NOT a sequel). 
Anyway there's nothing more I can say without spoilers so I'll be playing more of this game and hopefully we can see more like it, though honestly it's probably one of those once every so many years kinda deals.
10/10 for the greatest 'feel bad' game of all time

Report abuse Bioshock Infinite AKA the Adventures of Skyman

0 comments by Nerfwaffle on Mar 28th, 2013

So Bioshock Infinite is out, that was a good game. You should definitely play it. Hell, you should buy this one. This has easily been the most immersing game I've played since stalker shadow of chernobyl back in 09. So where to begin well lets talk about the start of the game. So the game begins much like original Bioshock with you entering a mysterious lighthouse which transports you to the city, which is in this case, Columbia. The roughly five minute trip is packed full of the most beautiful scenes in gaming to date with sprawling houses afloat in the sky and statues of the founding fathers poking up from various islands. 
This is one of those games that did art style correctly. They didn't go for a gritty real world (brown) game like EVERY FUCKING GAME that's come out over the last five or six years, there is color everywhere, the world is bright, the characters are detailed and more than a little discomforting and even when the violence starts it's done with flair and bright splashes of blood spattering the vivid world around you.
It's hard to say where the flaws are without spoiling the story, but the ending was a little convoluted and left room for them to tack on loads of dlc which is the bane of every gamer's existence these days and some story points are a little under filled or just poorly explained, but the characters are very well made, even is Elizabeth seems to follow you for no reason when you go on a murderous rampage through the streets of columbia and the vox populi revolution, when it happens, seems too forced and you find yourself hating both sides and fending for yourself which is alright, but I personally think it could have been done a little better.
All that said Bioshock infinite is beautiful, fun, immersive and though lite on the story, its still the best game of the last two years by far.
GOTY 2012 and 2013

Report abuse Cookies and Crackrocks

0 comments by Nerfwaffle on Jan 12th, 2013

STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF STUFF THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS THINGS FUCKING CUNTS FUCK OFF FUCKING CUNTS FUCK OFF FUCKING CUNTS FUCK OFF FUCKING CUNTS FUCK OFF FUCKING CUNTS FUCK OFF MID OR I FEED MID OR I FEED MID OR I FEED MID OR I FEED MID OR I FEED MID OR I FEED MID OR I FEED MID OR I FEED MID OR I FEED MID OR I FEED MID OR I FEED MID OR I FEED MID OR I FEED MID OR I FEED MID OR I FEED 

Report abuse BREAKING NEWS

0 comments by Nerfwaffle on Nov 7th, 2012

BREAKING NEWS PEOPLE OF THE UNIVERSE HALO 4 IS A FAILURE OF A GAME. There I said it. After ten hours of a horribly structured campaign and godawful multiplayer I can safely say: FUCK YOU 343 STUDIOS YOU COCKSUCKING MOTHERFUCKERS. I mean did they even try to make Halo good? NO THEY FUCKING CALL OF DOOTIZED THIS MOTHERFUCKING SHIT, and I hate it. Brokenvideogameisbroken.JPG

Report abuse Modding, Drinking, Welding and A Lack of Drugs

0 comments by Nerfwaffle on Oct 2nd, 2012

So hey, no one reads these anyways, but I thought I would post something obnoxious for the fuck of it.  Nerfwaffle your drunk (regretfully un-drugged out) friendly internet asshole returns!!
It has been a while since I started doing texture work on Skyrim, which was almost the greatest game I've ever played, but not quite. I did some decent (not particularly astonishing) retextures of various weapons and armor which you can find here: Skyrim.nexusmods.com if you get bored. 
  Some of these retextures took a day some took a few hours but regardless of time spent they've turned out quite good. Unfortunately I don't have alot of time these days due to school (Welding courses at the local tech) and those are kind of my primary focus at the moment that and getting drunk out of my mind every night but that's for another time. 
Hmm... a little bit about me? No. The new Call of Douchebags is coming out as I'm sure you're aware... looks like shit just as everyone expected and my friends and I have affectionately dubbed it: BlackCocks2. Resident Evil 6 is looking to bring the series to an all time low and we're all on the fence over Halo 4. So let's talk Halo 4: 343 have already proven themselves incompetent by taking the game in a far more modern direction IE removing the arena style that Halo clung to for a while. Now instead of there being power weapons at specific balanced points on maps they're making it so you have kill streaks which reward you with power weapons... GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING KILLSTREAKS????? IN FUCKING HALO??? ok anyway aside from that they're making a new trilogy? Fuck that Halo ended with 3 for me even though that wasn't all that great of a game by comparison to the first two. On top of shitty news they may or may not be tampering with the iconic Halo score. I've heard too much motherfucking shitty horrible dubstep in these trailers to even want to listen to it anymore. 
Ok in good news: Borderlands 2 was awesome, I had low expectations for the game, but came away happy I played and hoping Gearbox continues to make awesome games. I Am Alive was an alright game as well which I finally finished recently. Regretfully the end was a clusterfuck but the ride there was amazing. Guild Wars 2 is out and currently ripping away my spare time (seriously awesome check it out if you havent). Max Payne 3 was a disaster but a fun one for a little while (should have been called man on fire the videogame). Black Mesa Source is incredible as we all knew it would be. 
Well that's all for now, hopefully something else good comes out this year but I doubt it. PISS SHIT FUCK CUNT COCKSUCKER MOTHERFUCKER TITS! to you all. Peace.

Report abuse So Much Drugs and Midget Strippers I don't Know What To Do

2 comments by Nerfwaffle on Jul 11th, 2012

Free drugs and hookers for everyone! That's my campaign slogan when I run for president of the universe. Videogames are getting shitty, the people that play them aren't cool anymore, WHAT THE FUCK happened, man, like I remember when we could play halo and shit and there was none of this call of duty modern warfare 36 and 343 wasn't assfucking halo 4 into oblivion. Life's not fair, but still what the FUCKING FUCK!
Oh and FUCK MODERN SHOOTERS (you all know which ones I mean) FUCK 'EM
Peace

Report abuse Midgets&Blow

0 comments by Nerfwaffle on Oct 12th, 2011

So I was fucking around with some stalker mods the other day and wondering: why the fuck do I own any other game, besides my need to criticize things to a rediculous extend and mock anything CoD related. Though I am excited for Battlefield 3 and we can't forget motherfucking Skyrim which will be the greatest game gifted from viking videogame gods to this assfuck of a miserable planet populated by cunts with names like PrOsnYper420 and shit so hey fuck you. Anyway, until I decide to get drunk and rant again, the dude abides.

Nerfwaffle

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