LOL Cat Bible blog - KiwiWarrior

Boreded Ceiling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs
1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.
2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.
3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz
4.An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.
5An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1
6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.
7 An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.
8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.
9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in ur base, An Ceiling Cat hadz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.
10 An Ceiling Cat called no waterz urth and waters oshun. Iz good.
11 An Ceiling Cat sayed, DO WANT grass! so tehr wuz seedz An stufs, An fruitzors An vegbatels. An a Corm. It happen.
12 An Ceiling Cat sawed that weedz ish good, so, letz there be weedz.
13 An so teh threeth day jazzhands.
14 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has lightz in the skiez for splittin day An no day.
15 It happen, lights everwear, like christmass, srsly.
16 An Ceiling Cat doeth two grate lightz, teh most big for day, teh other for no day.
17 An Ceiling Cat screw tehm on skiez, with big nails An stuff, to lite teh Urfs.
18 An tehy rulez day An night. Ceiling Cat sawed. Iz good.
19 An so teh furth day w00t.
20 An Ceiling Cat sayed, waterz bring me phishes, An burds, so kittehs can eat dem. But Ceiling Cat no eated dem.
21 An Ceiling Cat maed big fishies An see monstrs, which wuz like big cows, except they no mood, An other stuffs dat mooves, An Ceiling Cat sawed iz good.
22 An Ceiling Cat sed O hai, make bebehs kthx. An dont worry i wont watch u secksy, i not that kynd uf kitteh
23 An so teh...fith day. Ceiling Cat taek a wile 2 cawnt.
24 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has MOAR living stuff, mooes, An creepie tings, An otehr aminals. It happen so tehre.
25 An Ceiling Cat doed moar living stuff, mooes, An creepies, An otehr animuls, An did not eated tehm.
26 An Ceiling Cat sayed, letz us do peeps like uz, becuz we ish teh qte, An let min p0wnz0r becuz tehy has can openers.
27 So Ceiling Cat createded teh peeps taht waz like him, can has can openers he maed tehm, min An womin wuz maeded, but he did not eated tehm.
28 An Ceiling Cat sed them O hai maek bebehs kthx, An p0wn teh waterz, no waterz An teh firmmint, An evry stufs.
29 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, the Urfs, I has it, An I has not eated it.
30 For evry createded stufs tehre are the fuudz, to the burdies, teh creepiez, An teh mooes, so tehre. It happen. Iz good.
31 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, teh good enouf for releaze as version 0.8a. kthxbai.

Genesis 2

So datz how teh skyz an teh Urfs wur finishd, an al teh stufz in dem.
2 An on Caturday, Ceiling Cat was dun makin al dat stuf; an he restd, thinkn uv how awsum it wuz.
3 An to clbrate, Ceiling Cat made Caturday speshl, an sed "Do not want bad stuf on Caturday"; cuz dats when he restd frum all his werk creatin and makin cool stuf.Boi
4 Anywayz, here ar teh ppl Ceiling Cat made when teh skyz an teh Urfs wur reddy.
5 Urfs had no farm plantz n farm catnipz n stuff yet, cuz Ceiling Cat no maek rainz yet, but iz ok cuz kittehs DUNT LYKE wetfurz. An ther wuznt any farmrz eethr.
6 But teh fogz caem in liek in Frisco an waterd teh entyre grownd so teh plantz wud be happee.
7 An Ceiling Cat madez a boi outta teh durt, did invisibl CPR, an teh durt boi wuz a reel boi.
8 An Ceiling Cat growed a gardn in Eden (datz in teh eest... wen u lookie norf and tern rite), an Ceiling Cat tuk da boi thare.
9 An Ceiling Cat growed lotsa prity and yummy farm treez! Teh tree of happee an teh tree of morulz wur in teh middl of teh gardn.Geografee
10 Bai teh way, if u iz a geografee nut, a rivr caym frum Eden to watr teh gardn, an it splitted intu 4 rivrz wit srsly weerd naemz.
11 Rivr numbah 1 wuz Pison (did u sneez? blez u!). It wint to Havilah, an gold iz thare.12 An itz rly awsum gold!!!! Ohyeah, therz sum stuf calld "bdellium" an "onyx" thare, too.
13 Rivr numbah 2 wuz Gihon (it spellz "nohig" backwrdz... not so great acshully). It wint to Ethiopia. So nou u knowz how to getz to Ethiopia.
14 Rivr numbah 3 wuz Hiddekel (yes, srsly). It wint to Assyria. And rivr numbah 4 wuz Euphrates (u afrayd o'theez?). It wint to Ur. Now, bak to teh storie.Moocows an Gurl
15 So Ceiling Cat put teh boi in teh gardn to be itz farmr.
16 An Ceiling Cat sed to teh boi, "See all theez froot treez? Knok yurself owt.
17 But dont eet teh froot of the tree of morulz, cuz if u eatz that then ULL DIE! Srsly! Kthxbye."
18 An Ceiling Cat sed, "teh boi is alown an dat an dat iz bad; he needz frendz so i wil maek him a gud helpr."
19 So Ceiling Cat made farm animulz and birdies frum durt. An Ceiling Cat brot them to teh boi to c wat he wud naym them: an teh animulz wur calld wutevr teh boi calld them. If thay didnt liek it, tuff tamales, thay wuz stuk wif it FOREVAH!!
20 An teh boi naymd all thoze animulz, but nun of dem wuz a gud helpr.
21 So Ceiling Cat gived teh boi invisible sleepin pill an did sum surjerie an tuk owt wun of teh boiz rib bonez. Ohyeah, an Ceiling Cat put teh skin bak on, so teh boi wudnt be PO'ed latr.
22 An Ceiling Cat transformd teh rib bonez into a prity gurl. Ceiling Cat tuk teh gurl to teh boi, then watchd teh fun begin.
23 Teh boi sed, "Her boddy caim frum my boddy? Sweet! I callz her 'Gurl' cuz she caim frum a boi, an it sowndz betr than 'Frumboi'.
24 Thatz wiy a boi leevz his mommy an daddy an getz mareed to a gurl.25 Teh boi an gurl wared invisible fur, an didnt fink it wuz bad.