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please don't let this mod die! PLEASE! ITS GOT SO MUCH GOING FOR IT!
i say this cause i notice no one has said anything for almost a month now, PLEASE DONT LET IT DIE, AND LET THE UPDATES CONTINUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
take your time man, writing is not something to be rushed at all :)
hey guys, thanks for the invite, i hope i can get some stories up soon
we Support you VORA!!!!!!!
I have been trying to play with my cousin, yet whenever we try to join the same FoH 6.2 game, in LAN and Online, it says "resource desynchronization detected" before i am able to join a game with him, or he join my game. Is this a problem with the Mod by chance? anyone else having this issue?
what version of MoW does this run on?
im on 1.17.5
is this mod still alive?
**** im sorry guys! REALLY! ive been super busy, but I AM going to get to EVERYONES story and send them a review. We can get the group going again, were just in stasis right now. Keep writing! and you'll hear from me hopefully soon!
VERY well done
is this for the latest minecraft?
ill get to it, i promise you that
Oh once again tho, on the Dialogue thing. It doesn't matter how you make your characters talk, really it doesn't i dont think. I just felt that one part was a bit strange, but of course this is all up to you.
oh ya, and 1 more gripe. I felt that you MAY be using the same words to close together. I think it kinda upsets the flow of the text and it sounds a bit odd to me. Ill give you and example.
"As it punctures down deep enough, it punctures the planets core, causing it to detonate, destroying the planet in a magnificent explosion."
Unless you meant for this to happen, i think saying "punctures" together so close feel and sounds kinda odd. Maybe you could rewrite parts like this? maybe breaking it up into smaller sentences (so into two smaller sentences) or rewriting with some different words? just a thought!
again, gripes ARENT BAD! They're just some things i think that could be improved on, dont fret, AND KEEP WRITING!
Alright guys, so im back. Im starting to review EVERYONES STORY!!!!!! Ill post it in the Comments to the story, and then ill PM it to you guys. Only it seems that when i PM it, as jonathan2 has no doubt noticed, the grammer and whatnot goes to **** for some reason, so it may be better to read in the comments, but regardless, ill do both. GET READY, and I WILL NOT FAIL YOU ALL!!!
Alright so ending now, i'd have to say you did a good job. Its obvious i think that you did put in work to write this, and at no time would i say this is a crappy text. As far as big plot holes or anything along those lines, i found none! And at no time was i confused as to what was happening in the story, so well done on that. I hope you found some of what i said useful, and maybe it can help. But once again, if you like to write a certain way, don't let anyone, including me (ive said this like 1000 times now) tell you to write otherwise. Your the Author of your own work, no one else. So in conclusion, well done, and it was a good little read!
GOOD JOB! (i mean it)
-Not a big gripe or anything, but i felt that some of the descriptions could have come across better as maybe two separate descriptions? Not so much because the descriptions you had were too long, but just i feel that they would sound better as maybe two sentences.
-Again, not a big gripe or anything, i felt that your dialogue (although there wasn't a whole lot) didn't feel quite right. Actually, this is only in one part, when the crew see's the Admiral pull out his power sword and they all comment "Power sword, wonder where he got it". Personally, i just feel that whats said is maybe a bit too casual and nonchalant considering what they are (mostly naval officers) and whats happening around them, though with that said, they dont need to be robots. again, just a thought!
-and finally, something thats so small it doesnt really matter if i put it in or not, but there are some grammatical errors and spelling mistakes and whatnot. But these really do not matter when it comes to story writing i think, at least for spelling, at least to me. What matters i think is the quality of the writing, which this definitely has quality. Just give it a once or twice over before finishing with it, and i think it should be fine.
-There are a few places in the text that i feel you may OVER describe things, not so much that you wrote much more than was needed, but i feel maybe you could cut back on some of the descriptions and take out bigger words. I really feel that to have a well rounded story that flows, it might be a better idea to shy away from bigger/more "proper english" sounding words. Ill give you an example, one that i feel could have its "flow" greatly increased by cutting back/rewording a few things:
"A bright intense pain erupts in his torso, and his entrails cover the pict caster. "
thats the original above, though i can clearly tell whats happening here to the good captain, i think it might benefit from maybe some (like i said above) cutting back of words/rewording. Maybe something like this?
"Intense pain tears into Theddens chest, erupting in a red mist, covering the pict caster in the mess of his entrails."
i dunno, something like that maybe. I just felt that overall, some of the words you use in description may not be the best suited for a good "flow" of the text, like to the reader. I'd say sometimes the simpler the description, the better the description (and that only helps the flow of the text). SIMPLER IS BETTER! Once again, JUST MY OPINON! (this is the 2nd main thing i found odd, but its nothing BAD! just my opinion is all)
-Tenses. So right from the 1st sentence, i was a bit confused with your tenses. What do i mean you might ask? Well for instance, in the 1st sentence when Captain Thedden is stabbed, its written as he "cries out in pain", as opposed to he "cried in pain". Actually, after thinking about it a bit, the first sentence is fine, the thing that felt somewhat odd to me was how the whole excerpt was written in this way. As if everything was happening at that exact moment. This is some Mickey Mouse BS, its nothing serious, but just to me it seemed a bit strange as is written. Though it might be just the way you like to write, if so don't change anything. However, there is something that just feels a bit odd reading everything as if its all happening at this very instant, its almost as though the text is written in First Person, but its not. Maybe rewrite some parts? I feel the flow of your text would be helped too. Overall, id say this was my biggest complaint with the writing, but its an easy change/"fix". Just my opinion!
The fact that you realistically (which i like even more, the realism to the short fight i mean) described the fight as it played out really caught my attention and held it that much more, i'd say add more of that to your text overall (the blow by blow descriptions, i mean, like as they play out), not just to this, as i'd say your pretty good at it, even if it you still stick to short little fights like this one. BUt of course, this is just my opinion, and you should write however you like. Now.... onto my "Gripes" with the text (Dont worry, its nothing bad, mostly just some Mickey Mouse BS, SALL GOOD!).
Alright so, the couple things i found with your text that i thought might be a little odd, or maybe just nagged at my attention a little for whatever reason are gonna be listed below (AGAIN, DONT WORRY, ITS NOTHING BAD. JUST A FEW THINGS THAT I FELT AS A LITTLE OFF)
Well good job man! finally getting to your story now, please forgive the huge delay, but here i go.
Alright so, first off i thought it was nice to see the first character was a guardsman, that is or a PDF trooper. Not that there is anything wrong with using Space Marines, but i feel that (at least with me personally) i can relate more to the regular Guardsman or PDF Trooper than i can with a Space Marine. Once again, theres nothing wrong with using Space Marines (nothing wrong at all!) in your text, just not only do i sometimes find it hard to relate to them (and therefore start to care for them) but i feel that Space Marines are sometimes over used in stories. But with that said, YOU are the AUTHOR, and YOU SHOULD DECIDE how you want to write your story, and NO ONE ELSE. It is yours, and therefore its your right to write however/whatever you like. anywho, back to the story, You definitely have some well done descriptions, particularly comparisons, such as the "Lead Ball" reference to name one in particular, very relatable i thought! However, personally i think what you did the best overall at was the fight between Admiral Thireus and the Berserkers. As short as it was, i felt that you described it pretty well, infact better than most people seem to. Most of the time, instead of describing blow by blow, it seems that many writers just cut straight to (or nearly straight to) whoever won the mele.
looks like i might have to buy COH...
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technic pack? da fuq is that?
well thank you, i had to use a translator, but thank you
Think the lasgun might benefit from a BIT more "wear and tear" along the main body of the gun. More grain i think along the green.
why? for the love of the emperor why?
dont even worry about it, if anything i should be apologizing to all of you. Im gonna start with my reviews of your guyses work tonight, ill give each of you a PM and a couple comments of my opinions of your text!
do you guys run off of HAMACHI?