'Gather round, and listen to the tale I set before ye, a tale of the dark times and dark years before heroes came unto the light and drove out tha vile darkness.'
Once upon a time, there was a genre of computer game known as the FPS, and in those days it was well respected. One of the glorious leading games was known as Quake, and it was the crowning wish of many games to strive for the popularity that Quake had, with the fun gameplay it offered.
But then, the realm of FPS fell into darkness..
Several leading games working in cooperation decided that Quake had more than it's fair share of popularity, and worked to dethrone it. In evilly smoking game forges and editors late in the dark of night, they labored and created a new title: Counter-Strike, The herald of darkness!
Supported later by it's brothers in darkness, Counter-Strike seized the popularity of Quake, and plunged the gamers of the FPS world down in the horrifying abyss of Bullet Hoses. Games in the Counter-Strike style became widely popular as the game spread it's tendrils of mind control into the minds and hearts of gamers everywhere, spreading the dreadful message of different sounding weapons that flashed and sprayed bullets like water.
Even Quake was subjected to the mind control, spawning Call Of Duty in it's insanity, only to be backstabbed by it's own progeny, as Call Of Duty itself became a Bullet Hose game.
Even as the darkness spread, there came those who would oppose it, at any cost:
Small cadres of gamers spread and created a underground resistance, all the while taking mass casualties from the legions of mind controlled fans who knew not what they did and said. Bands of such controlled fans often took it upon themselves to crush all opposition, training themselves to be inquisitors and heralds for the cause of the controlling games in battles to the death in massive arenas known as Gaming Forums.
Some in the path of the mind controlling games, fearing to be crushed in the combat fled to the far east; where strange gamers in odd HUD interfaces played complex and awe inspiring matches of those games known as RTS and TBS.
Others spread out into the wild ice fields of the north, where in frozen caves they sat at the feet of the Great Old Ones and learned the ancient and powerful art of the 2D Platformer.
And then in later years Heroes emerged from training and hiding. Schooled in the powerful ways of their ancestors, creating such games as Half-Life 2 and Worms Armageddon, they strode into the halls of their fathers, and lit the forges anew, using such powerful tools as Fire, Air, Explosions and many others to smith and enchant one of the most powerful weapons of the generation.
And Lo; there came to us one of the saviors of our kind, the dawning light of
Team Fortress 2!
Featuring such odd weapons as the short range flamethrower and stickybomb launcher, Team Fortress 2 broke the evil spell of Bullet Hoses and reclaimed the Throne of Quake as a glorious bastion of gaming, to rule over the lands of FPS in diversity and ingenuity.
Even today, as we have the light of Team Fortress 2 and it's Unreal guardians to protect us, some of us fall back or are even still prisoners of the last age of darkness, reveling in their crude Bullet Hose fantasies, and planning a return to power.
So take heed my kindred, that you do not fall as the chaff from the grain to the darkness of such corrupt games, and keep your eyes ever open to the potential diversity and ingenuity of our modern brothers, for we do not want a return to the M4 and AK wars, we want a new age of weaponized variety!