bblakeney Diarrhea Cha-Cha-Cha... blog

So just after I stopped posting last night/this morning, I was conking out in bed when I got a serious stomach cramp. I got this crazy sweat going and I started shaking, so I decided to walk the forty paces to the crapper, but as I'm going there, I pass out for about five seconds and crack my head against the wall. Grabbing my head and dead on my feet, I shuffled into the bathroom, and tore through my medicine cabinet to find some Pepto. And I was out of it! Son of a bitch. So before I have time to think, my gut thrashes again and I leap six feet onto the toilet just in the nick of time. The hot water bottle's in the other bathroom, so I try to reach the faucet for the bath, but my gut's blowing smoke. As I'm hammering out on the toilet, I'm reaching for the faucet, trying to keep my ass over the bowl as I run the bath. Suffice it to say, I didn't do an amazing job. So after the first bout of explosions, the ice-cold sweat kicks in again and I have to get in the tub. So I'm sitting in the bath with my shirt still on, waiting for the hot water to reach my stomach, when suddenly the bends kick in again. I lurch up to hop out of the tub and onto the toilet when I slip on the bottom of the bath and land straight on my ass. Now, I'm not a heavy guy, but the force of my weight was apparently enough to make my butt loosen up, resulting in me pulling an inverse tubgirl all over the bathroom. So here I sit, sweating and shaking in a bathtub filled with feces, wondering how the hell I'm going to start cleaning this up. Not one of my happier experiences. 

 So today I did nothing but smoke cigarettes, drink Pedialyte and eat Oyster Crackers, quite the cure when you couple them with True Crime: NYC and Just Cause. Both of those games are pretty terrible, but they've each got some cool elements that make them worth playing.  I'd write more, but I'm still pretty damned shaky on account of having emptied my body of every loose stool and fluid in it via my asshole. 

Hasta Manana.