General_Dingo

0 comments by General_Dingo on Jan 28th, 2011

A Simplified Description of the Fundamentals of Online Multiplayer and How it is Annoying.

The Rules:
1. If you are killed by an 'expert', you will be tormented. Retalliating is unnacceptable and will get you kicked.
2. If you kill an 'expert', you are a hacker. Hacking is unnacceptable and will also get you kicked.
3. You are an incignificant cannon-fodder noob who can't play games. Any attempt to not be noobish will get you kicked.
4. You will obay the direct orders of the team leader. If you fail, you will be kicked.
5. When a vote is called, you will chose the option you are told to chose. Choosing otherwise is hacking and will get you kicked.

You get the general idea.

Gamer classes:

Expert - these uppities are the people who spend their entire lives playing the same game over and over. This builds up their skills to unnatural levels. These players cannot be killed without hacking. They will often just ignore other players.
Amataur - the same as experts, but have only average skills and will taunt everyone.
Noob/Hacker - almost everyone is mistaken for these classes. Noobs die and hackers kill.
Rager - now these guys are just sad. They spend so much time playing games badly that they're minds have become one with the game world. Telling them a character they like is bad will get you hospitalised and killing them in games will get you beaten to death. They also have a bad habit of constantly screaming.
Casual - pretty much the only people who actually know what gaming is about - fun. These people play purely for the enjoyment of it and are much better to get along with.
Hardcore Badass (my class) - a varient of casual gamers, this lot also know that gaming is supposed to be fun. Do not play with these people if you are looking for a serious match, they're favourite thing to do is go out with a bang, This can be achieved by crashing helicopters into an enemy turret, taking on a whole legion of enemies, holding a grenade without the pin and running into enemies ect. They are also highly unpredictable. They may just crash into things, go on team killing rampages or shoot the wheels off vehicles. Another trait of theirs is killing medics after being healed. These people are great for when trying to have a really funny match and are very easy to get along with (so long as you're a casual gamer).

Well anyway, you can see already why playing online is going to end up badly. In my opinion you should play LAN with people you know are actually mentally stable or just play campaign.