Someone called my name?
Erm... not really, was just typing a product sheet.
With my name on it?
Erm... yes... Can I go along with it? ... Good! As I was saying, Dead Man Zand...
You called my name...
NO! I'M JUST READING A PRODUCT SHEET!
You say my name, you pay royalties!
Or you can let me handle this...
Bah! Go play Pairs to see if your memory improves!
That was low...
AS I WAS SAYING... Dead Man Zand...
OK! DAMN YOU! TYPE THE CURSED THING!
I'm already damned my friend...already damned... Ok, let me clear my throat... AHEM! Where was he... Ah, here it is...
Dead Man Zand is a classical graphic adventure game, combining groundbreaking aspects with the magic and humor of the 1990's adventures. (Yeah... right!) The game is set in the Underworld, an humorous and outrageous take to Purgatory, filled with funny characters and beautiful landscapes. (You never been there, have you?) It features an outrageous main character, with an astonishing chip in his shoulder, named Zand. (IF you pay my royalties, you cheapskate bastards! Otherwise you'll have to do with Mike Boner. Who the hell came up with that one anyway? Geez!) Zand unintentionally (So you say...) uncovers a terrible plot to overthrow the ruler of the Underworld and gets bewitched with a memory loss spell that will affect him throughout the game. (Thank you for making me look retarded!) The game will feature a generous amount of mini-games that will flow through the continuous action of the game, offering a streamlined experience to the players. (Oh really?! Hmm, I do like those fancy words...) There will also be no dead ends. (This is an irony right? No dead ends in the world of the dead?) The action will bifurcate at times, allowing for different solutions to the same problem. (Ahhh. Interesting... but to whom?) Funny dialogs, (Who would guess?) lots of objects to find and interactions, new approach to many classic puzzles, (What? Couldn't you create something on your own?) gameplay achievements (Weeee another groundbreaking novelty! ... Not!) and a never seen before main menu! (Specially unseen if you're blind!)
Our objective is to give a new twist to this old genre, challenging the player with many outrageous circumstances. (Well, this summary is quite outrageous!)
If I hadn't been shot in the head before, this would be a great time to do so... Au revoir, mes amis!
Praise the Lord Zo! No, really; on your knees and praise him, peasant!
That's better. Now get up, I have some news for you. Upon this chewed-up parchment of flesh, Lord Zo has released a statement, a call to arms and brains, if you haven't lost yours yet or gotten
them stolen by Flesh Robbers.
"The High Lord Zo has spoken and you shall heed his words! Lord Zo wants you! He demands your help with the construction of his kingdom of the Underworld. Do you have an idea, a suggestion, or a contribution you would like to see realized in the Underworld? Step forward and let your voice be heard! Trust in Lord Zo. It won't be like before: he promises. You won't have limbs taken away from you because you tried to defy the High Lord, oh no! Lord Zo has spoken! He will greet your ideas with open arms (no knife behind his back, promise) and consider it seriously.
You contribution will be set before the high council and be debated on whether it will be implemented in the Underworld or not. If the idea is rejected, there are no consequences for you, dear citizen! No purgatory, no spending a month in the Fires of Damnation, nor a free
visit to The Hut resort. Definitely none of those.
So here is your chance: submit your ideas, give your suggestions, and contribute to the Underworld - the creation of the High Lord Zo - maybe your ideas will be realized and you will leave a permanent mark in the Underworld forever!"
Alright, I hope everyone heard that, because I am not going to repeat myself! All you have to do is go to the general forum of the Underworld and pitch your ideas to the suggestion box. It's that easy. Everyone is expected to participate, no excuses. Here is the location of the General
Forum of the Underworld.
So what are you waiting for? Go!
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